


The Power of Cuddling

by Izzy95



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Lena's pov, SuperCorp, but eventually fluffy, hopefully romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 11:35:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 63,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10593210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Izzy95/pseuds/Izzy95
Summary: Most people wouldn’t have pegged Lena Luthor for a cuddler. Her image simply didn't allow it. She didn't allow it, and never questioned it. Until Supergirl arrived along with Kara Danvers, and suddenly she can't figure out her feelings or thoughts anymore. She's not stupid though, not naïve. She knows who Supergirl is. Suddenly she is the one who holds all the cards.Only problem is, when you begin playing with fire, you risk getting burnt. Even if you think being a Luthor means you're untouchable when you decide to begin messing around, trying to seduce a Super.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to follow cannon for a tiny bit before going off on my own. It's going to be a tiny bit angsty before it gets more fluffy, so be warned.
> 
> Also, this is my first fic here, so please be kind. It's also unedited so keep that in mind as well. And I'm Danish, so keep in mind that English isn't my native language. Thank you!

Most people wouldn’t have picked Lena Luthor to be a cuddler. The mere thought of the thought of the sharp businesswoman wanting any sort of physical contact without a strict purpose seemed alien and laughable. Lena Luthor didn’t make slow and passionate love with trembling fingers caressing and her heart beating fast, Lena Luthor fucked. Sex was just another way to get what she wanted out the people around her. It made sense. Sex was about power. Fucking was power. Lena Luthor was power. Everybody knew it. Don’t mess with a Luthor. So nobody did.

 

It was a good life, Lena told herself. She had absolutely everything under control. She liked the vision people had of her. It helped her as a CEO of a giant corporation trying to rebrand itself after her brother’s failure. It helped build a life that was untouchable by anyone. She was free to do as she pleased, because nobody dared to question her, knowing full and well that she was more than capable of taking them on anytime they wanted to. And if she wanted, she even had all the right connections to make sure that she could bury anyone under the ground, no questions asked. But she preferred a civil discussion instead, having had the proper education, both in school and at home, to know her way with words.

 

She didn’t like to think too much about her connections, about her origin. She was a self-made woman. She wanted to be a self-made woman. She enjoyed it. It made her feel like she was able to at least be some small sort of force for good, in a family that seemed otherwise damned. That was really all she had ever dreamed about.

 

So she told herself that it was worth it. The loneliness. The masks upon masks. Her work was her comfort. That was the place she was able to relax and challenge herself and try to be creative in her methods and ideas. It all worked great for her.

 

Until Supergirl arrived along with Kara Danvers.

 

She doesn’t really think too much of it the first time Kara and Clark turn up in her office. She keeps up appearance, back straight, eyes cold, a challenging smirk on her lips, wanting to give a good impression, yet annoyed that she was constantly in her brother’s shadow, no matter how much she condemned his actions. It was tiring.

 

But something about Kara captivated Lena. The way she introduces herself in such a shy and awkward way, trying to be professional, yet willingly resigning to Clark’s shadow. Normally she would have hated it even more if a person like that began snooping around in business that wasn’t hers, but something about Kara’s composure made her curious. Which was a hard thing to achieve nowadays when every single person she ever came across seemed to either be way too eager to kiss her ass in every way they could think of, or wanted to make it their personal mission to make her life a living hell. It seemed hard to find any sort of medium nowadays. People had a tendency of blurring together.

 

Not Kara though. Kara stayed fresh in her mind, her brilliant and honest smile remaining.

 

All of that was of course forgotten as soon as the danger came. She was absolutely convinced that she was going to die in that helicopter. Seemed almost fitting since she had always hated flying. And then Supergirl had arrived and saved her. She had stayed with her, tried to reason with her about not going out to the public like she had planned with the renaming of Luthor Corp. It was refreshing to have someone challenge her stubbornness on a basis that was her own security instead of challenging her merely because of her name. She liked Supergirl. Something about the way she carried herself, the gleam in her eyes, it seemed familiar.

 

It wasn’t until the explosion at the press conference that she put two and two together, when she had actually seen Kara taking off her glasses and rushing towards the danger while unbuttoning her shirt. Lena thought it was foolish really, to think a pair of glasses could make all the change in the world when the girl made foolish changes like that hoping the turmoil around her would make her go unnoticed.

 

It had certainly made it more fun though, whenever she had met either Supergirl or Kara Danvers after that. She liked the thought of having something so private and personal at her knowledge. A secret no one else, including Supergirl herself, knew about. And she had to admit, she would never get tired of teasing her. The girl became a blushing babbling mess so quickly it was both amusing and adorable.

 

Adorable. Lena Luthor found Kara Danvers adorable.

 

And she did. She found every excuse she could to spend more time with either of her personas. They were so different in so many ways yet so familiar, it was quite amusing.

 

“I brought you lunch!” Kara Danvers interrupted Lena’s thoughts as she came marching into her office one day a couple of weeks after they had first met. She had the biggest and warmest smile plastered across her face. “I thought you might need a break from all the hard work!” she exclaimed proudly.

 

Lena looked amusedly at the sight in front her, the overenthusiastic blonde marching into her office, while her assistant Jess tried her best to catch her. Jess gave Lena a frustrated look.

 

“It’s fine, Jess, I already told you that Miss Danvers is welcome at all times.” She smiled politely at her assistant in assurance, keeping her eyes there until she had left again, closing the door after her. After a beat of silence she turned her pointed gaze to Kara, raising an amused eyebrow. “Well, hello to you too.” She said as she got up to greet the blonde.

 

Kara blushed, becoming smaller as she pushed her glasses back up, smiling more sheepishly now. “I-I’m sorry, I should have started with hello first.” She smiled nervously under Lena’s glare.

 

It was too much for Lena to bear as she let down her mask fell down and she couldn’t stop herself from chuckling as she shook her head at the girl in front of her.

 

“Please, Kara, relax, I’m only teasing you.” A smile still plastered on her lips and her amused eyebrow back up, she went over to her couch, motioning for Kara to follow. The girl visibly relax, smiling in a carefree manner as she went over to the couch.

 

“So, what did you bring, I’m starving!” Lena smiled happily.

 

They talked animatedly while eating, Kara’s enthusiasm bringing smile after smile out of the usually cold and composed CEO. It was refreshing. A nice break. She even told Kara that much. Lena wasn’t a person that usually gave people compliments, but when she did, she truly meant it. Lena always thought that credit where credit was due was the way forward.

 

It was amusing though, how different Kara Danvers was from Supergirl. Kara was so carefree and happy. She made Lena want to snuggle up close to her and talk about embarrassing things she would never share with anyone else. It was a feeling she wasn’t sure she had ever really had before. Kara was also so sweet and innocent. Like a delicate flower, that Lena wanted to cradle, plant, water and protect. Make it grow. But she didn’t really know that feeling all too well either, didn’t know how to do that. Didn't know if it was even possible. So instead she tried to tease Kara endlessly with coy smiles and quick remarks that could be read any way possible in order to hide her true insecurity around this ray of sunshine. It kept her at a distance. She got to keep her walls and got to see Kara blush and fluster endlessly, which she decided would be worth it in the end.

 

But that was only Kara. Supergirl was in many ways almost an opposite of Kara though. Supergirl was serious. Her head was always raised, her posture lean and spread out, her chest high. She held all the confidence that Kara seemed to lack. When Kara would flush and look down, readjust her glasses, Supergirl would meet you straight in the eye and never weaver. Supergirl demanded respect, had respect from everyone. She was still that friendly ray of sunshine underneath, but she wasn’t hiding behind fake glasses and a pretense of being a person she in all honesty just wasn’t. Not that Kara was fake by any means, but she had all these incredible powers and knowledge that nobody knew about, and it was almost driving Lena crazy because by God was Supergirl all the sexiness that Kara was too afraid to show.

 

In that sense Supergirl was a much better fit for a Luthor. Supergirl was power and confidence, toned arms and abs, silky blonde flowing hair. These were things Lena knew how to handle.

 

Lena knew how to play mind games and how to flirt. Her cold stare and playful smirk was impenetrable. She could have anybody wrapped around her little finger so quickly they wouldn’t even realize it was happening. It fit so perfectly into the image she had built for herself. She could do this in her sleep without ever having the slightest touch of emotion brought out to the surface.

 

So she decided to try it.

 

She did see Supergirl around after all. She often stopped by on her balcony to ask some sort of serious favor or question because of her connections.

 

“What can I do for you this time Supergirl?” Lena asked one evening, leaned against her desk in her office.

 

“Nothing much this time I’m afraid.” Supergirl smiled friendly, folding her hands. “I was just making my rounds, but it’s been such a slow night tonight, I thought I might as well make a stop here and make sure everything was alright. Isn’t it a bit late to still be working?” She moved closer into the office.

 

“Well, well, who would ever have thought? A Super being concerned with a Luthor?” Lena walked impossibly close and put a hand on the lower of Supergirl’s back, making her blush uncontrollably with the close proximity, before Lena walked straight pass her to get herself a glass from the counter to the side. “Care to join me for a drink?” She smiled coyly, throwing a glance at a still blushing Supergirl.

 

She knew that she was playing with fire, but for some reason she simply could not seem to stop herself. Supergirl glanced out of the window, contemplating.

 

“Please, I think the whole city is sound asleep. Let the officers take care of the petty crime at this hour, they do need to do some work to keep them awake, wouldn’t you agree?” Lena said, handing Supergirl a glass with a smirk and a raised eyebrow, no question anywhere.

 

"Which still leaves the question as to why you’re still at the office?” Supergirl seemed to have accepted her fate as she sipped the glass carefully, her face remaining serious, suspicious.

 

“No rest for the wicked.” Her smile was possibly evil and she couldn’t help but let out a small and slightly cold laugh at Supergirl’s stare. “Relax a bit, would you? Come sit down, entertain me while I have the pleasure of your visit.” Lena moved to the couch, an almost slightly stiff Supergirl following behind. As they sat down, Lena stretched one hand out along the top of the couch, curled her feet under her body and smiled at Supergirl.

 

She couldn’t help a slight nagging feeling though, in the back of her chest.

 

She got the look she was getting right now. She understood perfectly well why Supergirl’s smile was gone. This wasn’t the woman Kara knew. This wasn’t the Lena that smiled all too honestly at her, invited her to lunch dates where she let Kara talk for hours about thinks that Lena couldn’t care less about, if it wasn’t for the fact that Kara cared, and she cared about Kara. This Lena was colder, more calculated. This was the Lena the rest of the world saw. Lena Luthor wasn’t a cuddler, never would be. So why should Lena care? She didn’t. So why did the nagging feeling in the back of her chest only grow? Running a careful and calculated finger over Supergirl’s shoulder and down, removing it just before her bicep, she swallowed the feeling and bit her lip slightly, seductively.

 

Supergirl searched her eyes for what seemed like forever, leaning unconsciously into Lena’s touch.

 

“Did I ever tell you that I like your suit? The color compliments your eyes.” Supergirl blushed, a small smile betraying her slightly.

 

“Thank you.” She whispered in a voice so small that Lena wouldn’t hear it if it wasn’t because of how close they were sitting. Lena squinted her eyes slightly, contemplating. Her eyes flickered between Supergirl’s eyes and her lips. So close. So kissable. So perfect.

 

Before she could think, before she could feel, she leaned in and captured those perfect lips with her own. The respond was immediate, as she felt impossible soft lips move warmly against her own. All of the sudden it was like her whole body breathed in and warmth and electricity shot through her body, making her mind go completely blank. For a second, everything felt perfect.

 

And then the lips against hers stopped.

 

Before she knew it, the lips ripped away and a blur flashed before her, before she turned to see Supergirl already standing up.

 

“I-… I’m sorry… I- I can’t... I just-…” Supergirl’s eyes were filled with such sorrow that Lena heart almost broke. Supergirl looked out the window for a small second of dead silence before turning back to Lena. “I really do hope you have a good evening Miss Luthor. Promise me you won’t stay up too late.” She was blushing, a sorrowful but honest smile softly grazing her lips.

 

“I won’t. I promise. Be careful out there.” Lena’s own voice was small and honest, barely above a whisper. She had smiled, meeting Supergirl’s seriousness and honesty perfectly.

 

And then Supergirl was gone.

 

And Lena was left alone on her couch, her head spinning. That wasn’t exactly the way she had planned for things to work out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's not the happiest note to end on, but I promise to make it up to you. Also, I know the pace might be a bit fast now, but explanations will come later on if you're a bit patient with me. Please comment and tell me what you think, it would mean the world to me!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the positive feedback! Made me want to write faster! Just as before I'd like to say that this chapter hasn't been beta'd or edited, so all mistakes are my own.

Lena Luthor didn’t cuddle. She didn’t waver. She didn’t cry. Her heart was made of stone. Or so she kept telling herself over and over again as she sat alone on her couch in the dark that evening. But there was still this nagging in the back of chest, asking her what if she had hurt Supergirl. Or more importantly, what if she had hurt Kara Danvers. Kara, with the sunray smile that had burnt its place into Lena’s mind and had refused to leave. She thought that by kissing Supergirl, maybe she could finally make all those fluffy and soft feelings and thoughts go away. If she could actually succeed in getting Kara’s alter ego into her bed, surely that should be enough to satisfy her needs. Lena Luthor wasn’t a cuddler, Lena Luthor didn’t make love, she fucked.

 

But a part of her did care for Kara, and going to bed that night, she vowed that she would still be kind and honest to Kara. Let the girl have that at least, before she began screwing around with her feelings more than what was fair.

 

So she smiles the next day as Kara walks into her office for their lunch date.

 

“Kara! So nice to see you!” she quickly moves up from behind her desk and walks over to hug the girl, taking her by surprise. “Please, come sit with me.”

 

Lena’s smile is so big and honest, it almost feels like her heart aches from the weight of it on her own lips. It’s not a position she is used to. But it doesn’t matter right now. What matters is that Kara knows that she is still right here, still right next to her, not going away.

 

“Oh, before I forget, I bought us some dessert from that small Italian place I told you about.” Lena moves up again and behind her desk and picks up a white plastic bag, holding it up almost proudly as Kara sits down.

 

She hid it well, but Lena could see her hesitation, see how her smile hadn’t reached her eyes as she had walked in. Which made sense, considering Lena thought she might have cancelled on her. Then her expression turned to clear confusion and surprise at Lena’s unusual kindness towards her. But as she holds up the plastic bag, it all seems to melt away as Kara’s shoulders drop and her smile becomes impossibly big, reaching all the way to her eyes.

 

“Lena! Oh Rao, you shouldn’t have!” Her smile is big, her eyebrows raised in a puppy dog way, filled with relief and surprise. Lena feels herself relax visibly.

 

“I thought it would be a nice surprise.” She shrugs indifferently as she walks closer. Before Lena can stop her, Kara is up from her seat, holding her in an impossible tight hug. Lena stiffens, unsure of how to react, but before she can react, Kara pulls back again, smile still in place.

 

“It’s only dessert, Kara.” Lena laughs as raises a curious eyebrow at her as she sits down. She has to remember that this Lena doesn’t know who Kara is. This Lena is a friend of reporter Kara Danvers, has nothing to do with Supergirl. And while she knows why Kara reacts as she does, she has to remember that Kara Danvers has no reason to act this way with Lena.

 

“I know. I just-… I’m-…” she girl is clearly flustered now, laughing and smiling at her own mess, biting her lip in the cutest way that makes Lena blush just the tiniest bit. Luthors don’t blush. “I’m just happy to see you is all.” She smiles that honest smile again, the one that makes her eyes sparkle.

 

Lena raises her eyebrows in surprise. “Well, likewise Miss Danvers.” She raises a shoulder teasingly at Kara as she sits down again, making Kara laugh out loud and shake her head.

 

“I’ve just had a long day. I didn’t really get much sleep last night. I guess I had a lot on my mind.” Kara says.

 

Lena stiffens, seeing the hesitation in Kara, noticing her tired shoulders and that small worried crinkle between her eyes. Her heart aches just the tiniest bit, her throat tightening. A very small part of her wants to reach out, wants to touch her cheek, cradle her face in her hands. Tell her that she knows and she’s sorry. That she shouldn’t have acted like she did. That it had been inappropriate considering their growing friendship during the days. Kiss her softly, filled with love and care instead of meaningless roughness.

 

But she can’t. So she stops in her tracks, mouth opening and closing slightly, unsure of how to react, what to say. Her back stiffens, her eyes fill with worry as the silence grows between. Kara looks down, twisting her hands, lets out a humorless laugh.

 

“I’m sorry.” Kara says looking up, a small smile on her lips. “I didn’t mean to ruin the mood.” Her smile doesn’t reach her eyes this time.

 

It’s like Lena skips a beat, frozen for a second before her body begins working again, her hand coming to lay on top up Kara’s just as Kara had let her head fall in defeat again. Surprised, Kara looks up again, searching Lena’s caring and concerned eyes. Kara’s gaze flickers between Lena’s eyes, like she’s searching for something, some kind of answer. Lena’s back is still stiff, her composure still reserved, but her eyes are soft, trying to convey all the care and concern her mouth refuses to voice.

 

Lena’s not sure if she finds the answer she is looking for or she answer she wants to find, but Kara smiles softly, composing herself a bit, her eyes going to her bags on the floor instead.

 

“Let’s get something to eat before the food gets cold. I’m starving!” Kara exclaims, making Lena laugh as Kara picks up her bags, pulling out the food.

 

“Is there ever a time when you’re not starving? How much do you work out in order to burn all the food you eat? Is there like a secret gym in your office that I don’t know about?” Lena smiles friendly and Kara laughs, the mood lifting again.

 

"Oh, come on, food is the most important part of the day! It’s what gives you energy to do stuff! Anyways, I don’t hear you complain when I bring over food!” Lena laughs wholeheartedly.

 

She likes moments like these.

 

Supergirl doesn't show up in the evening. Doesn't show up the evening after either. Suddenly Lena isn't sure if she'll even see Supergirl again. Maybe it’s for the best she tries to tell herself.

 

First of all, the thought of the reporter Kara Danvers being friends with Lena is one thing, Supergirl letting Lex Luthor’s little sister kiss her in the dark top office of Luthor Corp is another thing entirely. She knows that, she’s not stupid, stopped being naïve a long time ago.

 

Second of all, while they might both hold powerful names, Lena Luthor was the exact opposite of Supergirl. Where Supergirl was warmth, Lena was the cold. Lena was untouchable lips and sharp edges, all about her own pleasure, never about feelings, especially not the ones of her partner. Kara was long walks on the beach, lazy Sunday mornings spend with intertwined legs in bed. Kara was about giving her love away to whomever was willing to receive it, without expecting anything in return. Kara’s smile could light up a warmth inside of you, whereas Lena’s cold gaze would make you burn.

 

Lena knew she was being hard on herself. Knew it was too much. Knew that wasn’t the only side she had inside of herself. But by telling herself all of these things, she knew she wouldn’t get hurt. This way nobody was able to get closer to her than she wanted. Her insecurity gave her control over herself. It burnt, but at least she was burning herself instead of letting her surroundings do it for her and risk being hurt even more.

 

She saw Kara a couple of times during that week. She was back to being her usual cheerful self, which was a relief to Lena. Lena tried her best to relax and be herself around Kara, but still kept her distance physically. One thing was trying to seduce Supergirl, the image of power, another thing was trying to seduce sweet and innocent Kara. And she simply couldn’t bring herself to even think about it.

 

They never talked about Supergirl.

 

I fact she had more or less given up on ever seeing Supergirl. And now Kara was suddenly busy too. After four long days of silence, Lena was slowly beginning to think whether she would ever see either of the women again.

 

And then it happened.

 

She was staying in her office working late as usual. Her mind that been so distracted lately, it hadn’t been too good for her work. She knew that she had a tendency of being a workaholic, but being the CEO of a major corporation didn’t leave much room for anything else either.

 

She was in the middle of filling out paperwork when she heard a swooshing sound behind her, at a lack of a better word. She quickly turned around and time seemed to go into slow motion as Supergirl walked quickly towards her. Her chin was raised, her back straight, arms out at her side. The eyes were confidence and almost cold, her lips closed tightly, no smile to be found anywhere.

 

“Supergirl? I didn’t think I would see you again after last time.” Lena had her eyebrows raised in surprise, her tone serious this time. But Supergirl didn’t answer. Didn’t even stop, just kept on walking towards her until Lena had to step back.

 

Placing a hard hand on Lena’s chest, Supergirl used her super speed to push them until Lena found herself pressed tightly against the wall of her office. She let out a gasp in surprise as her back collided harshly with the wall. Well, this was new. She hadn’t seen this side of Supergirl before.

 

Before she could even think, Supergirl roughly grabbed her back of her head, messing up her hair-do, as pressed their lips together, hard.

 

Lena’s mind went completely blank as she grabbed Kara’s waist just as roughly, pulling their bodies impossibly close as her nails dug into her skin, matching Supergirl’s fever perfectly. Not asking, Supergirl ran her tongue over Lena’s bottom lip, making Lena moan into her as their tongues collided in a battle for dominance.

 

Her head felt impossibly light, her body felt impossible warm, and she couldn’t describe how turned on this power play made her.

 

And then Supergirl seemed to slow down. Push Lena away as she stared sad and longingly down at her. She moved her hand down to caress Lena’s cheek so lovingly it made Lena’s heart beat faster than she thought it ever had.

 

Slowly, carefully, Supergirl leant back down to kiss Lena so softly she was sure her heart was breaking.

 

It was too much. Lena couldn’t take it. She panicked. Desperate to get back into control, she grabbed the back of Supergirl’s head, just as roughly as she had before, pressing hard against her once more, as she turned them around. This time it was her turn to shove the woman of steel against the wall. Breaking their kiss she stared at Supergirl with impossibly cold eyes.

 

“Don’t.” she whispered harshly, leaving no question. Kara gasped, as if she had just been slapped. Lena clenched her jaw as Supergirl searched her eyes before bringing her hand to the back of Lena’s neck, pulling her back just as roughly as before. If this was the rules Lena had put up, she would play by them. It made Lena visibly relax. Made her melt into Supergirl’s arms.

 

This she knew. This she could understand. This she could handle.

 

And as the city fell asleep around them, Lena let Supergirl take her again and again, comforted enough in the knowledge that Supergirl respected her rules, that she could let herself tumble over into the abyss with Supergirl’s mouth warm against her own and fingers buried deep inside of her.

 

She would deal with the consequences tomorrow she told herself. As long as Supergirl kept doing that thing she was doing with her mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just some questions: is the tempo too fast? Are the chapter length okay? I didn't know whether to add the actual sex scene or not, wouldn't mind adding them later on though, but only if people want to read them. Should I add them? I know this is may be moving a bit fast, but the plot will only thicken from now on, this is only the beginning.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve decided to let the amount of smut depend on the mood, the scene and the importance. Does it feel like it could add to the story, there’ll be smut. (Read=there will be smut) Is it smut for the sake of smut, I’ll probably leave it out. Has to be a balance. Thank you guys for all the amazing responds, it's been overwhelming, makes me want to work even faster! :)
> 
> This is still unedited, but if anyone knows how you find a beta reader, I literally have no clue, and could really use one! :)

 

Lena Luthor had finally gotten what she wanted. She had gotten her release. She had Supergirl where she wanted to have her. So why wasn’t that pang in the back of her chest going away? She had gotten what she wanted. Right? So why did she still feel disappointed when two more days had gone by and she still hadn’t heard from Kara?

 

A part of her wanted Kara’s friendship. Liked it. It made for a good break from her work. A nice distraction. She actually cared about Kara, wanted to know how she was doing, if she was up to anything. Wanted to hear about her day. Listen to her talk animatedly and excitedly about everything and nothing. See that giant megawatt smile of hers enter her office doors, holding a new bag of some sort of junk food Lena’s strict diet wouldn’t normally allow. She wanted to see that glimmer in her eyes, wanted to see her flustered and blushing.

 

Then she thought of that evening, how Kara’s blush had spread through her cheek and down her chest, and suddenly she found it extremely hard to think straight, pun intended, and not let her mind become too dirty. Blushing profoundly, she bit her lip and pulled her eyebrows together in frustration.

 

This wasn’t good. Not at all. No matter how amazing it had felt to be with Supergirl, she was still Kara. And she valued Kara more than throwing their friendly away over a quick fuck, no matter how good it was. And it was good. But still. Right?

 

Right. Nodding to herself, she decided that next time she saw Supergirl, she would have to tell her that while she had enjoyed the thing they had together, she wanted to put her time and effort into her work and a friend that she had missed spending time with lately. That she would still be right there to help her, but maybe staying platonic was the best thing for now. Who knew, there might even come a new friendship and mutual respect out of it? From now on she would focus on Kara, not Supergirl. Even if just the thought of it made her heart beat faster from excitement and insecurity, it was still the right thing to do. She had to believe that. This was the only right thing to do.

 

Supergirl waited three days since her last visit before she showed up at Lena's balcony a late evening.

 

“Hi! I just wanted to see how you were doing!” she smiled as she stepped attentively into Lena’s office, not wanting to disturb.

 

“Supergirl.” Lena smiled friendly in greeting.

 

“I see you’re still working late as usual. You should really take some more time to take care of yourself, so you don’t get overworked or anything.”

 

Lena had had it all planned out. Had gone over every word in her mind thousands of times. Had gone back and changed them every time a new twist or turn came to her. She had been 100 percent ready. Couldn’t have been more practiced and determined. Her plan was solid and good.

 

But then it happened. Kara’s megawatt smile.

 

The one thing she hadn’t been prepared for. And suddenly all her plans and preparations went straight out of the window. Because Supergirl wasn’t some sort of exam she had to get an A+ on to please her mother. Supergirl wasn’t a stubborn board member, wasn’t a press conference or an interview. Supergirl wasn't a subject to give a speech on.

 

Supergirl was Kara. Her Kara. Sweet and innocent and concerned. Her friend Kara who gave the warmest hugs and the brightest smiles. Her friend Kara who was always concerned for her, always friendly and helpful, protective of her even. Her friend Kara who made _her_ smile and _her_ blush.

 

Albeit in a fancy costume with her family crest on her chest and a long red cape flowing behind her, this was still Kara. The way she walked and talked was still the same, because it was still the same person. _Her_ Kara.

 

And then she realized. She couldn’t do it. It was too much, too fast, too meaningful. She couldn’t bear to hurt Kara, yet she couldn’t be friendly and relaxed around her either, the same way she was with her normally. Because Lena didn’t know that Supergirl and Kara Danvers was one and the same. It would hurt way too much to have to pretend that she wanted to get to know Supergirl, when she already knew who Kara was.

 

She froze. It was like time itself stood still as she felt her body come into motion. She felt her legs begin to move, without her mind being able to work this whole thing out. It was like she went on autopilot as she stepped forwards and wrapped her arms around Supergirl’s neck. Smiling happily, Supergirl let her hands fall to Lena’s waist.

 

“Isn’t that why you’re here?” Lena said, raising a flirtatious eyebrow. She leaned in close, her mouth hovering over Supergirl’s ear as she whispered, “So I don’t have to take care of myself.”

 

She placed a small and soft kiss on the shell of her ear suggestively, before she moved back again. Supergirl’s hands tightened unconsciously around Lena’s dress as her face turned completely red, her mouth opening and closing in lack of response.

 

"I-... That's not-... I mean-... Ha." Supergirl stammered, ending with a slightly frustrated and completely flustered smile as respond, her words no longer working.

 

“Well?” Lena raised her eyebrows again in question, a torturously teasing smirk firmly placed on her lips. Deciding to see if she could push Kara’s buttons even more, she leaned back in once more and lowered her tone as she said, “Unless you _want_ to  _see_ me _take care_ of myself.”, as she tightened her grip around Kara’s neck.

 

That finally seemed to make Supergirl snap out of it as she turned her face so she could kiss Lena properly, her hands moving freely on Lena’s back.

 

As soon as their lips collided, Lena a tingle move from stomach and throughout her whole body. Catching her breath, she laughed against Kara’s lips, more than pleased with the respond her teasing had gotten. She kissed Kara slowly, softly, a small smile playing on her lips as her heart fluttered at the way their bodies were pressed so tightly against each other, enjoying the warmth coming from Kara’s arms securely around her. She relaxed, let her shoulder’s fall as she tangled a hand in the silky softness of blonde hair.

 

For a second, everything seemed absolutely perfect.

 

Being in Kara’s secure arms felt like coming home. But then she realized her mistake. And her heart shattered in a thousand pieces. _Kara_. It felt like coming home, securely wrapped in _Kara’s_ arms, her lips pressed softly against _Kara’s_. But this wasn’t her Kara. Not really. Because Lena didn’t know who Supergirl was. Because Supergirl wasn’t Kara. As far as she was supposed to know, they were two different people entirely. And as much as she longed for it, as far as they both knew, she wasn't kissing Kara right now. 

 

Desperate to forget, desperate to stop her thinking completely, she pressed harder against Supergirl, moving her leg between Supergirl’s thighs. Lips moving to Supergirl’s neck to bite and lick roughly, she moved her leg up as she heard Supergirl gasp and moan, eyes shut tightly and body grinding down with the surprising turn of things.

 

Lena felt sick. But Kara was far too intoxicating to let go. She felt far too good. Like putty in Lena’s needing hands. Walking back until Supergirl was pressed against her wall, she grabbed her breast with her hand squeezing it tightly.

 

She felt Supergirl hesitate for a moment that felt way too long to bear. Lena’s wasn’t stupid. She knew Kara. This wasn’t Kara. Kara didn’t let anyone use her like this. Kara wasn’t the type of person to visit someone in order to get laid. Kara was the type of person who would stop by because she genuinely cared about the other person. Kara was one of the most selfless people she had ever met. It gave her a heart of gold, but made her far too easy to take advantage of. Like Lena was doing right now.

 

But then it felt like Kara let go, as she let herself grind down against Lena’s thigh. She moved her hands down to squeeze Lena’s ass, wanting to get closer to the woman, but before she could do much more than that, Lena carefully grabbed Supergirl’s wrists and pulled them above her head against the wall. Lena pulled her face away from Supergirl's neck and looked her square in the eyes.

 

“Ah, ah.” She said, shaking her head, a playful smirk on her lips. “Not this time.” Moving closer she nibbled at Supergirl's earlobe, a hand coming down to squeeze her breast once more as her leg moved up to emphasis her point. Supergirl was helpless to do anything but moan.

 

“Understood?” Lena asked close to her ear.

 

“Mhm.” Supergirl replied in an amusingly high pitch tone as she nodded her head eagerly, biting her lip.

 

“Good.” Lena said as she let her hand travel down Supergirl’s suit until she arrived at the hem of her skirt. Kara sighed in pleasure and let her hands fall softly to Lena’s shoulders, giving herself up to Lena’s skilled hands and mouth.

 

Lena felt sick with herself. Her guilt only rising with every second, her need to get rougher, colder, only growing. She couldn’t bear the thought of Kara touching her right now, couldn’t bear the thought of her taking more advantage of Kara than what she was already doing.

 

And as her fingers sank into Kara’s waiting heat, _God, she was so wet_ , Lena reminded herself that if this had to work, it had to be about sex. Nothing more, nothing else. And it was so easy, so intoxicating to feel Kara pressed against her, their mouths hot and warm together. So easy as her hand moved inside the other woman, her walls tight around her fingers.

 

This was sex. Something Lena knew. Lena Luthor fucked, she didn’t make love. She wasn’t a cuddler. She had to remind herself of that over and over again as she slowly brought the softly moaning girl closer and closer to the edge. Lena was a Luthor. This was what was expected of her. This kind of behavior she knew.

 

Lena wanted to be good. Wanted to be her own person. Wanted to create a name for herself, wanted to make L-Corp a force for good. She always worked tirelessly towards constantly improving her family name. She had been so occupied with that, that she sometimes forgot to take care of herself.

 

The image she was trying to build, it was so far away from what she had been taught as a child, so far away from what she had seen from her environment. It was tiring. It felt like she was constantly reinventing the wheel. She had no reference point. No people to look at. No friends or family to help her. She felt like she was constantly walking on eggshells, having been burnt so many times in her inexperience and helplessness.

 

Just for once, she wanted to do something she knew. Wanted to have something that was familiar. Was that really so bad?

 

She bit Kara’s neck, squeezed her breast and told her to let go as Supergirl came undone beneath her fingers. She said Lena’s name over and over again as she came, making Lena’s heart squeeze in pain. She had to focus in order not to get tears in her eyes.

They stood still as Supergirl slowly came down from her high. Lena kissed her neck and jaw lazily and softly, letting go of all her pint up emotions. Stroking her face softly, Lena kissed Kara on the lips, feeling Supergirl’s smile against her lips.

 

“That was… Wow…” Supergirl whispered, tired. Lena chuckled softly, letting her head fall and rest on Kara’s shoulder for just the smallest second.

 

“It’s getting late.” Lena whispered, her voice soft and friendly. “You should get home, get some rest. It wouldn’t do if National City’s own superhero didn’t get her beauty sleep, now, would it?” Lena brushed some hair away from Kara’s face. Kara laughed and Lena felt her heart break all over again. Smiling softly, she welcomed the pain, tired of trying to fight it.

 

“Okay.” Supergirl whispered, nodding softly, her eyes sparkling. Had they ever sparkled so brightly before?

 

“Are you sure you’ll be okay in here? I can give you a lift home if you want.” Supergirl offered.

 

Lena laughed friendly. God, Kara was so sweet it was unbearable. She played some more with Kara’s hair before she moved closer and kissed her softly on the lips.

 

“And just how would I get to work tomorrow if I leave my car here?” she asked, teasingly.

 

“Good point.” Supergirl chuckled. “I guess this is goodnight then.” She smiled.

 

“I guess it is. Until next time Supergirl.” Lena pressed harder this time as she kissed her, her tongue flicking over Supergirl’s lip as she moved away.

 

“Until next time.” Supergirl said as she walked backwards, making Lena laugh as she clumsily knocked into Lena’s desk on her way out.

 

As Lena lay in her bed that night, all the images from the evening kept on replaying themselves in front of her eyes, over and over again. Tears slowly rolled down from her eyes as she felt her heart so cold and still she was unsure if it was still even beating inside a chest that felt nothing but endlessly empty.

 

She didn’t say a word. Didn’t move. Her breathing was still the same. You would never have guessed she was crying if you didn’t look her in the eyes. It was something she had learned to do a long time ago as a small child. Crying soundlessly, unnoticeably. A Luthor didn’t cry. And she was a Luthor now.

 

Old habits die hard, she guessed, as she closed her eyes and let herself tiredly tumble into a heavy sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heh, I guess this was the sort of thing I originally had planned for the last chapter. I'd love to hear more from you guys, makes my day every time I get a new comment!
> 
> And btw, I have a tumblr too if you want to look me up or chat or whatever, @isabelle-bt. I do artwork and fanart on it, since I draw more than I write. If you want to see my stuff, my instagram, @isabelle.bernard, is way more updated and got more Katie Mcgrath on it! :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some sex and slightly less angst. Stay with me a tiny bit longer, I promise that there’ll be softness and fluff on the other side! To the people wanting to hear more from Kara and her feelings, I promise I will get to that, don’t worry.

She slowly stopped hearing from Kara. She had written her a couple of times, tried to set something up, but Kara was always too busy, always impossible to get in contact with. It was frustrating to be honest.

 

Supergirl began coming around more often than not. But all they ever really did was have sex. It was nice; she really didn’t have anything to complain about. Supergirl was an extremely generous lover. And while Lena on some level knew that it was wrong, she didn’t have it in her to stop it. She craved Kara’s touch on her body more than anything else. It was like a drug that Lena had gotten helplessly addicted to.

 

She wanted Kara’s friendship, she did. She missed Kara endlessly. But she couldn’t let go of Supergirl and their evenings together. So she told herself that if Kara was backing away because she had seen what Lena was truly like, she’d rather keep having Supergirl in her bed rather than not have any version of Kara in her life at all. If those were her two only options, it wasn’t even a question.

 

But this whole thing had left her tired. She found it harder and harder to keep focus at work. Which was never good thing considering her position as a CEO. All her meetings suddenly seemed to drag out; her sleep was becoming shorter and more uneasy. Bags were beginning to show themselves under her eyes. She constantly had to reread the papers in front of her, as she more often than not found herself halfway done with them, not having really read or understood a single word.

 

It was only when she was pressed close against Supergirl, safe in her arms, that she was able to relax, let go of it all. That she was able to forget herself and her surroundings, swallow her demons. But as soon as Supergirl had left again, Lena’s guilt only grew.

 

She wanted Kara back in her life. Truly. She missed their conversations, their banner, their teasing. She missed their honesty. She wanted it back. She never heard anything from Kara anymore.

 

She didn’t really talk much with Supergirl. Every time Supergirl had opened her mouth, Lena had panicked and kissed her instead. Which she wasn’t sure about whether was pathetic or not. She guessed there could be worse defense mechanisms. And slowly Supergirl had understood that Lena didn’t want to talk, didn’t want to share, didn’t want anything other than just sex. So she stopped talking. Stopped asking questions.

 

Lena felt horrible when she first noticed it. This wasn’t her plan at all.

 

She didn’t have a plan.

 

Not anymore.

 

She just knew this wasn’t it.

 

“You don’t mind, do you?” Supergirl asked one evening as they lay on Lena’s floor, Supergirl’s cape covering their naked and sweaty body.

 

“Mind what?” Lena asked, turning to face the other woman, deciding to indulge her in whatever was on her mind.

 

“That I’m an alien.” Supergirl looked straight up at the ceiling, blushing. Lena laughed, propping herself up on her elbow so she could better look at Supergirl.

 

“Why would I mind that?” she asked, amused.

 

“Well, first of all, it doesn’t seem like your family likes aliens all that much. And secondly, I mean, I’m technically not even the same species as you. I’m literally from an entirely different planet with a different ecosystem, society and culture. I’m _literally_ not a human being. Isn’t that weird when you think about it?” Supergirl shrugged, looking more defeated than Lena had ever seen her before. Grabbing Supergirl’s chin with her hand, she turned Kara’s head, forcing her to look at her. Seeing a small tear fall from her eye, Lena sighed heavily and leaned down to kiss it, tasting the salt on her lips.

 

“Hey.” She said softly, looking Kara in the eyes, caressing the fragile girl’s cheek softly. “Listen to me, Supergirl. My family isn’t me. I don’t care what they say or think, they’re not the one sleeping with you. I don’t condone them and their actions. I’m not like that. I’m not them. Okay?” Lena waited until she was Kara nod.

 

“And yes, you are an alien. Yes, you are _literally_ from a _completely_ different planet. But we still share the same anatomy.” Saying this, Lena let her hand go over Supergirl’s body, the mouth moving to kiss her cheek.

 

“We have the same kind of hands.” She said, intertwining their fingers, squeezing her hand in reassurance. “The same kind of arms.” She said. “Neck.” She said, moving her face to kiss her neck softly. “You still have a heart, so filled with love and warmth and emotions, beating right under your chest.” She kissed Kara’s chest, right above where her heart was.

 

Lena shifted so she was now on top up of Supergirl. Moving further down, Lena took of Kara’s breast into her mouth, her tongue flicking over her nipple. “You have the most gorgeous breasts.” Lena smiled against warm skin as Kara moaned. “You have amazing abs.” She said, kissing Supergirl’s stomach. Licking her belly button Lena moved down again, placing a small kiss on soft curls, hovering just over her core. “You have-“

 

“Then why won’t you ever talk to me?” Supergirl interrupted before Lena could finish what she was about to say.

 

Lena froze, her blood running cold.  She no longer had any idea about what to do or what to say. Why didn’t she ever want to talk with Supergirl? Because she couldn’t betray Kara and their friendship. But she couldn’t tell her that.

 

“Why won’t you ever share anything with me? Why won’t you let me get close to you? You barely let me hold you… afterwards…” Kara’s voice was barely above a whisper, but it still managed to break her heart. Kara didn’t deserve this, she deserved so much more than what Lena would ever be able to give her.

 

She didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know what to do. So she leaned down and kissed her outer lips softly, hearing Kara moan. Her hand came up to intertwine with Kara’s hand.

 

And while this was still in order to get  Supergirl to stop talking, for once, Lena did something new. Did something different. She held Supergirl close as she slowly and softly made love to her. Supergirl cried when she came, tears softly falling from her eyes. Let go of her frustration, trusted Lena to catch her.

 

And she did. As Supergirl came down from her high, broken with tears, Lena caught her in her arms. Held her impossibly close to her body as she cried.

 

“You’re okay.” She whispered in her ear. “Shh. I’m right here.” She soothed, kissing away all her tears, arms wrapped around the other woman as sobs racked violently through her body. If Lena couldn’t do much else, at least she was capable of holding the woman as she cried. Especially since she was the reason this beautiful and amazing alien was crying in her arms, broken down.

 

They never really talked about. Whenever Supergirl had tried to move away from the embrace, had tried to open her mouth, Lena had shushed her and tightened her grip around the girl, scared of letting her go. And Supergirl had understood and clung even closer and more desperate unto Lena. They stayed like that for what seemed like forever, until they had finally been too exhausted and emotionally drained to keep it up. They hadn’t said another word as they hugged and kissed each other goodbye, softly and sweetly, too tired to do anything but place lazy kisses on each other’s lips and cheeks and eyebrows. They had smiled, chuckled a tiny bit at the mess they were as they nodded their goodbyes, leaving on the unsaid agreement that everything would be alright, that they just needed to get some rest.

 

Lena had slept 12 long hours that night, her body completely spent.

 

A couple of days later Lena was sitting at her desk at work, engrossed in paperwork. It was hard to concentrate though. The press had been waiting by the door as she had gotten into work that morning. Apparently, her mother was making noise once more. Causing trouble. She wasn’t really speaking with her mother anymore, but everybody still wanted her opinion and commentary, seeing as she was the only sane and powerful Luthor left, as well as the only relative not either dead or in prison.

 

It wasn’t easy always, situations like these. It was hard when the people she had been closest too had turned out so evil, for a lack of better word. She had loved her family, had clung desperately to them, simply because they were the only people there. Nobody else wanted her. Nobody else cared for her. She had no place to turn. And even if Lilian’s love was never really real, it was still the closest thing she had to a motherly relation. The closest thing she had to love. Lionel had been different, had been better, had loved her, but after he had died and Lex had gone mad and lost his mind, Lilian was all she had left.

 

She had been old when she first began to realize that having a family that knew how to take care of you wasn’t a given. Just because you have a mother and a father, doesn’t mean that they know how to be parents. They’re just human beings like anybody else with their own baggage and problems.

 

Being an adult and looking back, a part of her thought that Lilian should never have been allowed to become a parent. Her own personal agendas had demanded a life-long involuntary sacrifice on Lena’s behalf. The price had been too high. Lena had realized that when her brother had begun to change. That was when she began to question her upbringing and her parents. That was when she first began to pull away, first decided to become her own person, for real that time.

 

But that didn’t mean that it still didn’t hurt a bit when she heard news about Lilian trying to cause more damage. Because a part of her cared for Lilian, felt endlessly sorry for her. She just couldn’t listen to that part of her though, because the price would never be worth it. While it had become easier with time, it was never fun, especially when she knew everything Lilian did reflected poorly on her progress with L-Corp and the Luthor name.

 

It was just a lot of emotions, and having a camera and microphone shoved in your face didn’t help her much.

 

Every newspaper would probably be running this story in some sort of capacity. The thought of it made Lena’s stomach turn. She really didn’t like the press there came with being a Luthor. If it were up to her, she would prefer a less public life, where she didn’t have to worry about whether a camera was going to turn up with every turn. It made it extremely hard to be human, make human mistakes, and have a normal not-perfect life. People looked to her. And not always in a good way. There were people who had a deep-seeded hatred towards her merely because of her name, without ever knowing who she actually was and what she would actually be like if they had to face her.

 

The only thing there had ever been good about the press was meeting Kara Danvers.

 

Sweet Kara.

 

With an unknown flutter in her stomach, she couldn’t help thinking that maybe she would actually have a chance to get to see the blonde again, now that Lena was making the news. She had missed her endlessly. Missed their friendship. She had only seen her twice since her and Supergirl had begun sleeping together, and both times had been planned before that happened. Both times Kara had seemed almost awkward around Lena.

 

A part of her wanted to talk to Kara. Get rid of the awkwardness that had naturally risen between them. A small part of her regretted the way she had played her cards. It hadn’t done anything good for either her nor Kara. Well, she did enjoy the sex, but the way Kara had been acting made her reconsider her values.

 

She ended up being relieved, she realized to her surprise, when Kara really did show up, stepping carefully into her office at noon that day, walking silently behind Jess. Lena smiled at how proud Jess looked. She guessed that this was probably the first time that Kara had actually stopped by the girl on her way in.

 

“I asked your secretary if you could spare a minute for an interview for CatCo Magazine.” Kara said.

 

She seemed small, standing with her arms around a notebook carefully. She smiled friendly, but it didn’t really reach her eyes.

 

“Thank you, Jess; that will be all.” Lena nodded at Jess, waiting until the woman had left the room before she turned her attention to Kara.

 

"Kara!” she said with a warm smile. Never missing a beat, Lena stepped forward to embrace the woman in a warm hug, holding her close for a second. Kara returned the hug, but didn’t hold unto her like she sometimes did. “Please, come sit down,” she motioned to her couch, smile never leaving her, “I’ve missed seeing you around!” she told her honestly.

 

“Well, yes,” Kara began carefully, “I’m sorry, I’ve just been completely swamped at work these last couple of weeks!” She talked animatedly with her hands, noticeably flustered.

 

Lena couldn't shake the bitter feeling that the only reason Kara had turned up was because her boss had forced her to in order to make the article.

 

“It’s okay, it happens.” Lena’s voice was impossibly soft and small and she smiled with all the honesty she could muster. There was a lump in her throat, a burning in her eyes, but she tried to play it cool, tried to be honest instead of hide like she always did.

 

“I just need a couple of quotes and I’ll be out of your hair again. I could imagine that it must be stressful around here with everything that’s going on.” Kara smiled, a small and fake looking smile, as if she hadn’t heard Lena, hadn’t seen the longing in her eyes.

 

“Let me take you out for drinks. -Some day.” Lena said quickly, the words tumbling rushed and awkwardly out of her mouth before she had any time to stop and think about what she was actually saying.

 

But with Kara sitting there, so impossibly quiet, so clearly not wanting to be there, she couldn’t help herself. It was all too much. Too hard. She couldn’t do it anymore. Not the way it was currently going.

 

“Lena.” Kara answered softly, almost defeated. “I-“

 

“Just one time, one glass, that’s all.” Lena interrupted before Kara had time to turn her down. “If you decide that you don’t have time to see me anymore after that, I’ll completely understand. Just give me this one night. That’s all I’m asking for.”

 

The room fell quiet as Lena desperately searched Kara’s surprised eyes. The lump was now sitting higher in her throat than before and her heart was beating faster than she could explain. Running her finger through her palms nervously, she felt the sweat that was beginning to form there.

 

“Lena…” Kara said, impossibly soft, her eyes filled with so many mixed feelings that it was impossible for the brunette to decipher what any of them meant. “I don’t know what to say…” Kara said hesitantly as she looked into Lena’s eyes.

 

Suddenly Lena realized those eyes looking at her was filled with more masked hurt than what she could bear to watch, knowing that it was all her fault.

 

“I miss you.” Lena said. This was it. This was her chance. Carefully, she picked up one of Kara’s fidgeting hands to place it tentatively in her own. “Give me one chance. That’s all I’m asking for. Just one.” Lena hesitated. “I’ve never had a friend like you before.” The room turned quiet again. “Please.” She said, the word foreign on her lips.

 

“Okay.” Kara said after a moment.

 

Lena didn’t think she had ever hugged Kara as tightly before as when they said they goodbyes after that interview, having planned a time and place to meet up that Friday evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From now on things will slowly begin to change for the better, I promise. Just stick with me. Please tell me your thoughts, it means the world to me :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is longer than usual, but I felt bad breaking it up. Things begin getting exciting from now on! Please let me know what you guys think in the comments!
> 
> Btw, I figured out how to upload a crop of one of my Katie Mcgrath drawings as my new avatar! Yay! You can see the whole drawing at:  
> http://isabelle-bt.tumblr.com/post/159500112466/youve-got-a-warm-heart-and-a-beautiful-brain

Supergirl came to see Lena that same evening.

 

“Hi!” she said happily, stepping into Lena’s office.

 

“Well, hello, beautiful.” Lena smiled playfully as she stepped away from her desk to kiss the blonde. There was something nice, something domestic about it that Lena liked. She could get used to this after a long day at work.

 

Lena squeezed Supergirl’s ass playfully as she smiled into the kiss, earning a cute giggle from the Kryptonian.

 

“Well someone’s in a good mood today.” Supergirl laughed, arms around Lena’s neck.

 

“As a matter of fact, I am. It’s been a rather enjoyable day, everything considered.” Leaning closer, Lena playfully nibbled Kara’s earlobe. “Maybe you can help me make it an ever better day.” She said seductively.

 

Kara moaned as Lena began spreading kisses down her jaw and neck, before she raised her shoulder, prying Lena’s searching lips away as she stepped back. Supergirl kissed Lena a last time before she moved out of her embrace.

 

“Actually, Lena. I wanted to talk to you about something.” Suddenly Supergirl was pacing nervously back and forth in Lena’s office, wringing her hands and biting her lip, eyebrows furrowed in a frown.

 

“You know how I like honesty and stuff, and… Well… You know I like you, right?” Supergirl looked nervously at Lena, looking like this speech had not been prepared at all. “And I really value our time together. God, I mean, who wouldn’t, you’re absolutely breathtaking, and so clever and smart, and I mean, that mouth shouldn’t even be legal!” she chuckled the last part out as she looked at Lena. Supergirl’s face was turning previously unknown shades of red as Lena’s eyebrow rose, an amused smirk slowly forming on her lips. “But that’s really beside the point I wanted to make.” She scratched the back of her head, looking rather confused now. “I just… Since I like you, and our time together, I wanted to be honest with you.” She was more relaxed now, more determined as she stepped towards Lena.

 

“There’s something I should have told you a long time ago, that I think you deserve to know.” She said firmly, searching Lena’s eyes.

 

Lena didn’t think her heart had ever beaten that quickly before. She knew exactly what Supergirl was going to say to her, about who she really was. She slowly felt herself panic, going into overload. No, no, this wasn’t the way things were supposed to go. This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. Lena wasn’t ready.

 

Lena wasn’t ready…

 

“Stop.” Lena said quickly, making the woman stop dead in her tracks, confused. Lena carefully stepped closer, lifting her hands to cradle Supergirl’s face in her hands.

 

“Look. I’ve had this really amazing, really tiring day today.” Lena began. “And for once, I just want us to relax and have fun, indulge ourselves a bit while this mood lasts.”

 

At Supergirl’s puppy dog eyes, Lena leaned up and kissed the woman before she continued, her tone serious.

 

“I know that all this talking and sharing is important to you, and I get it. I truly do. But my head is on overdrive right now. All I just want is to relax a bit. I’ll be gone the next couple of days, but why don’t you stop by on Saturday at my penthouse and we can talk there. You can say whatever it is you need to tell me, and I promise that I’ll listen to you.” She brushed Supergirl’s cheeks with her thumbs, letting one of them escape it’s path to run over Supergirl’s lips. “Just… Not tonight. I know this isn’t want you want to hear, and I get that, but please, just give me this one night of not worrying about anything at all.”

 

Supergirl’s eyes searched Lena’s long and hard, the wheels turning in her head at such a pace that Lena was sure the woman would simply stop functioning at some point.

 

After what seemed like an eternity, Supergirl finally let her tense shoulders drop and smiled softly at Lena, that kind of smile where the spark was shining so brightly it made Lena melt. She nodded.

 

“Okay.” She said. “But we will talk on Saturday.” Supergirl raised her finger, pointing it seriously at Lena.

 

“Yes, we will talk, I promise you.”

 

“Good.” Kara said smiling, before she bend down to pick Lena up bridal style, earning a surprised yelp and wholehearted laughter from the CEO. “Now, I do believe there was a lady who had a wish help me turn a good day even better.”

 

Lena laughed as Supergirl carried her to the couch, before she leaned up and kissed Supergirl as she was still holding her.

 

It had been a good night, that evening. A fun night. Something rare and special. Lena was beginning to truly enjoy herself with Supergirl. Not that she hadn’t before, but she was beginning to relax more and more around her, actually let go of a bit of the tension. It was amazing, and frustrating, and it made her smile and flutter with giddiness, made her want to destroy anything near her in confusion.

 

A part of her just wanted something normal, something nice. Something that was hers and only hers. Someone who actually cared for her, wanted to see her smile, wanted to spend time with her.

 

But this whole mess was just so complicated. Her whole life had been so goddamn complicated; for once she just wanted something simple. Couldn’t she just be dating Supergirl without any problems? For crying out loud, why did she have to pick the only goddamn woman on earth to be living a secret life as an alien superhero, whom also just happened to have been probably her only goddamn friend in this entire city! It was fucking frustrating! She just wanted some fricking peace, that was all. Just wanted a woman to call her own. Just wanted someone to kiss and hug and laugh with. Share things with. All those normal things that she had never wanted before now. That she didn’t want if it hadn’t been for that goddamn stupid alien with her beautiful smile and warm heart. That she didn’t want with anybody other than said alien.

 

Why couldn’t she just split the whole thing? Have the friendship with Kara and fuck Supergirl? Wasn’t that a relationship really? Friends who fuck and spend their time together? She knew it was stupid the moment she thought it.

 

She just didn’t want to have this conversation with Kara. She knew it put her in an extremely bad light if it turned out that she had known about her secret all along. She wasn’t sure that she would forgive her. She wasn’t even sure she deserved forgiveness. She had played her like a fool. Like some sex toy rather than a human (alien, technically, but beside the point) being, with feelings and thoughts and emotions. She had no clue what to do about it.

 

She was more nervous than ever about seeing Kara that Friday.

 

She arrived early that evening. Sat at the bar and ordered a glass of red wine, hoping to calm her nerves a bit. She had chosen a more secluded place, not too expensive, not too cheap. She knew Kara wouldn’t like anything too fancy, didn’t care about money, probably saw it as a turn off, she could imagine. A lot of people let money and power get to them, and she guessed Supergirl would probably have seen plenty of that. At the same time though, she was still there to try to get on good term with Kara again. She did want to impress her some.

 

Lena had put on a simple black dress and put her hair up in a high and sharp knot, ever the face of professionalism. She had went simple with her jewelry though, not wanting to look too intimidating. She wanted something nice that looked good and fit her image this evening. It made her feel more in control, knowing that she looked good. It also made her fit perfectly in with the bar slash café she had picked.

 

It was a classic place. The walls were painted a deep red, filled with old Art Nouveau pieces by Mucha and late 1800’s French Belle Epoque posters, Toulouse-Lautrec, Pierre Bonnard and so on. The metal frames at the bar and around the furniture were set in a rich gold color, and the wood was all in dark red and orange nuances. Everything was polished and shinning perfectly. It gave it a fancy look, yet homier and warmer than what you would necessarily associate with the upper class. It was also a small place, didn’t have a backroom or anything. Lena wouldn’t be surprised if it was a place that had run in the family, the décor a bit old-school.

 

She looked at her watch again. Kara should have been there five minutes ago. Hinting at the bartender, she ordered a refill on her empty wine glass. She fumbled nervously with her fingers. If Kara would actually show up, this would go a lot easier. Knowing Kara was Supergirl, she knew the woman had super speed and flying abilities that should make sure she would always be on time.

 

Every minute seemed longer than an hour as the clock ticked. Her heart was beating heavy, hard and fast. Her shoulders began to tense with the thought that maybe Kara would actually stand her up. She had never thought that Kara would be able to do something like that to her. She didn’t seem like the type of person who would be capable of just standing someone up without even giving an explanation or anything.

 

5 minutes slowly turned to 10.

 

Maybe she deserved it. Probably had it coming. Anyway, it had been a while since the last time she was stood up, so she was probably due. Wouldn’t surprise her. Shouldn’t surprise her. Kara had probably gotten tired of her, tired of her game. Her jaw tensed but her shoulders fell. It was okay. She was a big girl, she could take the rejection. Anyway, she was bad news, she knew that, Kara would be better off without her.

 

Her thoughts felt heavier than she liked and she couldn’t seem to move her eyes from her glass in front of her. Maybe she should just give up. Maybe that would be for the best. Yeah…

 

She let out a shaky breath, when she suddenly tensed at the feeling of a hand on her shoulder blade.

 

“Hi.” A small and light voice said behind her. “Are you okay?” it asked.

 

Turning around so sharply she would have knocked her glass over if it had been any closer, she came face to face with none other than a smiling concerned looking Kara Danvers.

 

Butterflies fluttered in her stomach and spread throughout her entire body. A warm and big smile spread on her lips as her eyes lit up and her heart skipped a beat in pure relief and joy.

 

“Kara!” Lena exclaimed, getting up and hugging the surprised and confused woman. “You look absolutely gorgeous, I’m so happy you decided to show up, please, sit down. Tell me what you want to drink and I’ll call the bartender over. Don’t worry about anything, this evening is on me. I’m just so happy to see you.”

 

Lena was more excited than Kara had probably ever seen her before. It made Kara blush and smile, the CEO’s optimism and compliment rubbing off on her. Kara did look beautiful in her deep violet dress with a cute belt and dark cardigan. Her soft curls framed her face and glasses perfectly and the top layer of her hair was bound back in her usual hair-do. It looked nice. Gorgeous, yet relaxed, the warm color matching perfectly with the blonde’s personality.

 

"I'm sorry I'm late,” Kara began, sitting down next to Lena. “I had a hard time finding this place. It’s really well hidden.” She smiled and Lena could swear that she felt herself melt. “I tried to call you, but you never picked up.” Her eyebrows pulled together in question.

 

Lena’s eyebrows shut up as she cursed herself internally. Her phone. She had completely forgotten to check her phone. Opening her purse and shuffling through it, she picked up the small device. 3 missed calls.

 

“I’m so sorry, Kara.” She said honestly, still looking at her phone. “I forgot to turn the sound back on after my meetings and couldn’t feel it vibrating since it was in my purse. I never thought to check it. I’m so sorry.”

 

“It’s okay Lena, it happens. I’m just glad I found the place. You should call me another time, if I’m late. There’s almost always a reason.” She smiled, still looking at Lena, who just looked down, suddenly looking very must defeated.

 

“I-“ Lena began, hesitating as she fumbled with her hands. “I thought maybe you were going to stand me up when you didn't come.” She said in all honesty. She looked up to meet Kara’s eyes. She blonde looked surprised, almost a bit hurt if Lena hadn’t known any better.

 

“It’s stupid, I know.” Lena rolled her eyes, let out a humorless chuckle. “You’ve just been so distant, I was scared that I had pushed you too much… That you no longer wanted… my friendship… That you no longer wanted me around.” She looked sharply to her hands, not daring to look Kara in the eyes. Her jaw clenched, and she had to pull herself together in order not to get tears in her eyes. After a silent moment Lena lifted her head up to look at the bottles lined up on the other side of the bar, still refusing to look at Kara.

 

Sitting completely still, Lena might as well have been a perfectly sculptured statue of indifference and confidence. Back straight, eyes sharp and cold, hands carefully folded on top crossed legs. Hair and makeup absolutely perfect, not a single wrinkle in her clothes. Silky shaved legs and classic black high heels. Perfect pale skin, not a single blemish or mark to be found.

 

It wasn’t unless you looked really close that you would notice the small signs telling you a different story. It lay in the way her eyes twitched so slightly you would miss it if you blinked. The way the corners of her mouth would crinkle just the tiniest bit, almost impossible to see to the naked eye. Her jaw tensed slightly every once in a while, making her ears seem to almost rise up for less than a second at the time. Her shoulder blade would turn just the smallest amount, like she was having a hard time keeping her spine so perfectly straight. Her thumb and her index finger on her right hand would sometimes grace each other, a miniscule nervous tick, seeing as fumbling with her hands would give her away.

 

Lena was absolutely determined not to give away a single thing as she sat perfectly still, feeling Kara’s eyes heavy on her frame. Her shoulders wanted to tense, but she kept them stubbornly down. Nobody walking past would think anything was wrong anywhere as time seemed to pass on in an endless silence.

 

Lena could impossibly tell how long they had been sitting still like that when Lena felt Kara’s hand on top of her own in her lap. Looking down at it, she sighed as she let Kara turn over her hand, lacing their fingers together carefully.

 

“Lena…”

 

Kara said in a voice so small and filled with so much sorrow that it broke Lena’s heart. Lena kept starring at their hands for a moment, filled with so much wonder at how perfectly they seemed to fit. Kara’s hand was soft and warm against Lena’s cold hands, and it just felt so nice to have this small amount of human contact. Lena looked up, and smiled softly at Kara. Finally looking the other woman in the eyes, she had to turn away again quickly. She mouth tasted bitter with the pity she saw in Kara’s eyes. Untangling their fingers, Lena turned to the man on the other side of the bar.

 

“Bartender,” she said confidently and calm, as if nothing had happened. “Give me another refill and whatever the lady wishes on my bill.”

 

Kara stuttered for a second as the man came over and looked expectantly at her. With a small voice she placed an order. Lena kept on being distant, refusing to look at Kara, as they waited for the bartender to finish their drinks. They both thanked him before he left again, new drinks in front of both of them. Lena sipped her wine, waiting for Kara to make some sort of move again. She truly despised this honesty part.

 

“Lena, I think I need to tell you something.” Kara said in a careful but serious tone.

 

“Oh, please, not you too.” Lena said pointedly and bitterly, feeling the vile of the moment enter mouth. This was not how she had planned for things to go. Kara suddenly hesitated, as if having been slapped.

 

“Look, I want to be honest with you. I care for you, you know that, right?” Lena’s head snapped up, her posture softening, her mask dropping just the tiniest bit to show some of the pain that lived underneath. Her heart beat hard and heavy, as if every pump felt strained and difficult.

 

“I do." Kara continued. "I’ve always valued our friendship above everything else. But I haven’t been honest with you, and it’s killing me, because I know you deserve better. I’ve missed you, missed our time together, but you’ve got to give me a chance to explain myself.” Kara’s voice picked up pace a bit in the end, clearly becoming rather frustrated.

 

Oh god, not this again, Lena thought. No, no, no. Why did this keep on happening to her?

 

“Please, Kara, stop, you don’t need to explain yourself to me.” Her voice was clean-cut and clear as she shook her head.

 

I really don’t want to hear this, Kara, she thought. I really don’t want to have this conversation.

 

“No, I’m not letting go this time.” Kara replied stubbornly, raising her voice.

 

“You’re entitled to keep your own secrets, you don’t have to tell me anything.” Lena matched Kara’s voice and raised it, shaking her head in disbelief. All she wanted to do was to get up and get out, run before it was too late.

 

“I’m trying to tell you something important, Lena. Something you deserve to know.” Kara was getting increasingly frustrated, voice still rising.

 

“I really don’t need to hear this.” Lena shook her head even harder, raising both of her eyebrows as she looked down, desperate to get out of this mess.

 

“I need you to listen to me, Lena.” Kara raised her hand to her glasses, making Lena panic completely.

 

“Oh no, no. What are you-“ Lena’s eye widened as Kara interrupted her, almost about to take off her glasses.

 

“I’m-…”

 

But before the words could even leave her mouth, before she had any chance to take of her glasses and show her real identity, Lena had leaned forward and kissed her. Lena had simply panicked and didn’t know what to say or do, or how else to get the blonde to just shut up.

 

Holding Kara’s face carefully in her hands, she kissed her softly, slowly, both of them relaxing into the long kiss.

 

“I know.” Lena whispered as she broke their kiss, resting their foreheads together and softly caressing Kara’s face. “I know…” she repeated, barely a whisper.

 

“I’m Supergirl.” Kara finally finished from earlier, her brain struggling to catch up with what had just happened. Lena chuckled, gave Kara another small peck on her lips.

 

“I know…” she repeated, moving away, feeling the relief wash over her entire body, as she bitterness of the confession rose within her. This was it. This was the end.

 

“How long?” Kara asked, voice barely over a whisper, eyebrows furrowed as she looked her square in the eyes.

 

“Since the explosion at the press conference when I was announcing the re-naming of L-Corp.” Lena looked down. This was it. No more lies.

 

“But that was-“

 

“I know.” Lena replied bitterly before Kara could even say anything. She felt sick.

 

“You mean, this whole ti-“

 

“Yes.” She answer was crude.

 

“And you never once thought too tel-“

 

“Look, Kara.” Lena looked up, hard eyes meeting Kara’s confused ones. “I don’t expect your forgiveness or understanding. Hell, I’m not sure I even understand. It was wrong. I used you. I played you like a fool, all because I wanted to get in your pants without risking our friendship. What I did was wrong and I feel absolutely sick about. God, I just really liked you, and I knew that you would never like me if you saw what kind of monster I really was." Her words where sharp and hard and filled with self-loathing. "I need you to know that I felt absolutely sick with myself the moment I practically forced myself onto you as Supergirl. I know that I don’t deserve any type of forgiveness, and I know that you probably won’t want to see me again after this, and I need you to know that I completely understand that. If you want to leave right now, I promise that I won’t stop you, won’t come running after you. I know how despicable I am and-“

 

“STOP!”

 

Silence.

 

“Enough!” Kara looked at Lena with eyes so serious and pissed, it left no questions anymore, no patience. “I can’t take it anymore! I need you to stop talking, stop _thinking_ and for _once_ in your goddamn life, I need you to listen to me!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess it's sort of a cliff-hanger, not completely sure if it classifies


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The responds from the last chapter has been absolutely amazing! You guys are the reason I wrote this chapter this quickly! Fair warning though, I'm going back to school tomorrow, so updates will probably be a bit slower. Hope it's okay.
> 
> Anyways, please let me know what you think, I love hearing your thoughts and feelings and ideas! :)

Lena sat completely still, fumbling nervously with her hands. Her eyebrows was furrowed and moving up and down, betraying her nervousness and her beating heart.

 

“I’m sick and tired of you being the only one getting a say in this thing!” Kara close to yelled at her.

 

“I’m sor-“

 

“No, stop talking! Just stop!” Kara was pissed and sick and tired. Lena didn’t think she had ever felt so small. She felt like a small kid again, scared that her mother would yell at her for having done some sort of thing wrong, even if she never knew what that was. It was horrible. She didn’t dare to open her mouth anymore.

 

“Give me a moment to calm down and think.” Kara’s voice was softer this time, making Lena let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding.

 

Silence seemed to stretch out forever as Kara leaned her elbow against the bar, her hand coming up to cover her mouth in contemplation, as her eyes seemed to move all over the table, deep in thought.

 

After a while she exhaled and put her face in her hands. She looked completely defeated.

 

“I can’t believe this is happening.” It came out as a strained pouting, like a kid complaining that they had to eat their vegetable. Then silence again as Kara rested her forehead against one of her hands, looking down.

 

“I’m not mad.” She finally said, her voice soft and small. “I’m just… I don’t even know _what_ to feel right now to be honest. This is so not how I had thought things would go down.”

 

Still not looking at Lena, she reached out with her free hand and easily found Lena’s, intertwining their fingers again. It surprised Lena, but she said nothing. Kara squeezed her eyes shut tight as she let out a strained breath, all the while running her thumb gently over Lena’s hand, caressing it softly. This was her anchor. Finally lifting her face, Kara looked around in the bar, searching for something.

 

“Come here.” She whispered after a second, tugging at Lena’s hand as she took her drink in the other hand. Lena quickly got the hint and took her purse and drink with her as she rose from the seat.

 

Never letting go of her hand, Kara walked them over to one of the corner booths, where they could sit down next to each other on the couch and have a bit more privacy. After they had put their things down, Kara tugged at Lena’s hand, motioning for the other woman to get closer.

 

Kara put her arms around Lena as the brunette leaned her head back against Kara’s chest. Kara let out a breath as she just relished in the feeling of holding the other woman close. She squeezed her slightly in comfort, kissing the top of her head.

 

Lena left like crying. No one had ever held her so close before in their arms, never made her feel so safe. Made her feel like it was okay to be small and not have everything figured out.

 

“You know, sometimes I feel sorry for you.” Kara said after a long silence. Lena let out a humorless laugh and stirred as if to move away, but Kara simply tightened her grip, refusing to let go. She put her chin on top of Lena’s head, breathing deeply in and out. Lena turned slightly in her arms, placing a hand gently on the nape of Kara’s neck, right next to her own face. Kara squeezed her again, enjoying the moment as she closed her eyes.

 

“You always stress around so concerned with what people might think of you, you end up making your own horrible conclusions about yourself, without ever looking out from behind your thick walls to see what’s really going on. It must be so tough to be you sometimes.”

 

Lena tightened her grip around the nape of Kara’s neck, her mind turning faster than she could barely process.

 

“Sometimes I swear I can hear the wheels turning in your head. You don’t need to do that. The world doesn’t lie on your shoulders, you’re not responsible for every single person around you and their thoughts and feelings. You didn’t have to do things the way you did. You could have just talked to me. If you had just opened your mouth, we would never have gotten into this whole mess.”

 

Kara sighed again, contemplating how to continue. She kissed the top of Lena’s head once more, needing the other woman to know that she wasn’t judging her, wasn’t going anywhere.

 

“Do you even realize how over the moon I would have been if you had just asked me out on a single date, just once? Not as Supergirl, just plain old Kara Danvers. Do you have any idea about how heartbroken I was when you chose to kiss Supergirl instead?”

 

Sensing Lena was about to open her mouth, Kara stopped her.

 

“No. You don’t get to say anything before I tell you to. I want you to listen to me. I need you to listen this time.”

 

Lena closed her mouth in defeat, simply tightening her grip again.

 

“I thought that I wasn’t enough. That plain old Kara Danvers wasn’t good enough. That I would never get a chance to be with you. That you didn’t like me that way when I was just being myself. It hurt so much, I can’t describe it. That’s why I went back to you as Supergirl. That’s why I kissed you. Because I thought if you didn’t want me as Kara, maybe you would want me as Supergirl.”

 

She laughed humorless, shaking her head. Sighing again, she smiled and kissed the top of Lena’s head, nuzzling closer to her.

 

“But you kept on pushing me away. You would barely say two words to me, and it was so frustrating, it drove me crazy. I don’t remember the last time Alex have been so worried about me, but I couldn’t even tell her what was going on. So I thought that if you didn’t even want a relationship with Supergirl, if all you ever wanted from me was sex, then I could do it. At least I would still get to be with you in some sense, and maybe you would even grow to actually like me some day.”

 

Lena tightened her grip, turned her face closer into Kara, desperate to comfort the other woman, desperate to say something as her heart churned in pain, yet respecting Kara too much to even dare as much as open her mouth.

 

“But I can’t do that. Because I’m not just a sex toy. I’m not some sort of chess piece you can move around on your board, playing whatever game it is you think you have to play. I’m worth more than that. I need you to understand that I’m worth more than that.” Her expression turned serious as she grew increasingly frustrated.

 

“I know.” Lena said quietly. Her voice was hoarse and small, barely above a whisper. She wanted to let Kara speak, but she needed to let the Kryptonian know that she didn’t think that little of her.

 

"I just don't understand why you would do that to me. Do you truly think that little of yourself? Did you really think I would run away? To be honest, it hurts to know that you didn’t give me more credit than that. Don’t you know how much I adore you? How much I think of you? You’re always so brave, so ruthless. You do whatever you can to help people, only because you know it’s the right thing to do. That makes you a good and selfless person.

 

“I know you think you’re rotten on the inside, but whenever I look at you, I see that heart of gold, so well hidden inside your walls, because you’ve been hurt too much. More than you deserve. I know you’re a Luthor, but you’re so much more than just a stupid last name. You’re Lena. Beautiful and smart Lena, just trying to get by in a world that can be too cruel. All I want is that you let me in. Put down your walls. I don’t like them. They’re cold. And you’re not cold. I’ve seen that other side of you that you spend so long trying to hide away from everybody. And I have to be honest, I like her a lot better. I like you a lot better when you’re able to relax and just be yourself. Because I don’t want anybody else.

 

“You’re actually quite funny, did you know that?” Lena let out a humorless chuckle as Kara said it, shaking her head, as if Kara had just said something completely absurd. “You are! Don’t give me that! You have this sassy and ironic dark humor that’s surprisingly refreshing. And you’re also a giant nerd. I know you don’t let people know that, but I’ve heard when you first begin getting into the details with whatever new machine you’re trying to develop. It’s seriously geeky.”

 

Lena laughed this time, a true laugh. She smiled, blushed, closed her eyes and just enjoyed hearing the beating of Kara’s heart against her ear. It felt soothing.

 

“And you’re so beautiful. I mean, absolutely breath taking. You always wear these perfectly planned and matched outfits all the time, with perfect hair and makeup. You always have 100% control over yourself. I admire that ability. But you know what? I would give everything to get to see you in normal everyday clothes. I wonder if you even have lazy Sunday wear, or if designer dress suits and fine gala dresses is actually the only clothes you have in your closet?”

 

Lena laughed again.

 

“I would give everything to see you just let go every once in a while. I’ve seen it a rare couple of times as Supergirl, but never really that much as Kara. I’ve seen you be honest and let your guards down, but it seems like even then that there is still some sort of small secret that you’re always keeping from me. I don’t like that. I want to get to know all of you, not only the good and the happy side. I want you to be able to share your struggle and your thoughts with me, instead of just keep them locked up and buried inside of you.”

 

Kara hesitated, a bitter feeling of frustration and defeat rising inside of her. She leaned down and pressed her cheek against the top of Lena’s head, wanting to be even closer to her. Sometimes it felt like Lena was nothing but a ghost in her arms, like she would be gone the moment she closed her eyes.

 

“Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever really know you... If I’ve ever really known you.” Her voice was smaller this time, sadder.

 

“You keep running away from me every time I try to reach out. Like my words would burn you alive.” She paused for a second.

 

“I’m not here to burn you. I’m not here to hurt you. I’m not here to judge you. I’m here because I care for you. All of you, walls and all. I’m not going to disappear just because things might get tough. But I need to know that you’re going to stop running too. I need to know that if I let go of you right now, in this moment, that you will still be here. I keep on feeling you slip away from me, and it scares me more than anything else. I can’t lose you. Not again. I’m not going to demand some sort of huge sacrifice on your behalf. We can take everything as slow as you want. As slow as you need. I just need to know that you won’t run away from me anymore. That you want this too. That’s all I’m asking for.”

 

Lena lifted her head from Kara’s chest and Kara let her. Looking into to Kara’s eyes, hand on Kara’s chest, Lena looked more fragile and vulnerable than ever before. They sat still like that for a moment, before Lena moved closer, closing the distance between them as she placed the smallest and softest of kisses on Kara’s lips, moving back again to look Kara in the eyes.

 

Time stood still as both their hearts beat faster with the anticipation. It was like nothing but the two of them existed. Like the world around them had just disappeared, just melted away. It felt painful, like holding your breath for too long, both of them desperate to breathe again.

 

“I want this.” Lena whispered after way too long. “You don’t know how badly I want this.” Her voice was strained, the words felt painful. Like her whole world was breaking apart, her illusion finally being destroyed.

 

“Good. Then shut up and let me kiss you.”

 

Before Lena could react, Kara took Lena’s face in her hands and leant down to kiss her long and hard, properly this time. A real kiss, filled with real emotions. Not fleeing kisses that would disappear again with the break of dawn. Not a kiss filled with desperation over the fear of loss. A kiss filled with promises of many more kisses to come.

 

It took Lena’s breath away. She didn’t think she had ever been kissed like that before, with so much passion. It made her feel giddy. Made her heart flutter, made butterflies and heat spread from her stomach and throughout her body. Made her head feel light and empty, like a balloon flying high, surrounded by pink clouds.

 

They sat still like that, completely lost in each other’s lips, until they remembered that they were still out in the public. Lena placed small maddening kisses all over Kara’s face and hands as they moved away, not wanting to let go of the moment ever again. Not wanting to let go of Kara ever again.

 

She couldn’t describe the amount of happiness flowing through her, making her smile a smile so bright she wouldn’t be able to get rid of it, even if she tried.

 

“Go out with me.” Lena whispered between hot kisses on Kara’s cheek and nose and chin. Kara chuckled happily, blushing again. “On a real date.” Lena kissed Kara’s lips gently before turning her face with her hand to kiss the other side of her face. “Just you and me. Just Kara and Lena. No more lies, no more secrets. Just the two of us, together.” Lena kept on kissing her through her words, through Kara’s chuckles and smiles, briefly placing a kiss on her neck, before moving back up. “I’ll take you out to dinner. Where ever you want. Whatever you want. Money’s no issue.” As she ended her small speech, she moved back to Kara’s lips, kissing them over and over again with a fever.

 

Grabbing the back of Lena’s head and pulling her closer, Kara kissed her properly, promptly ending Lena’s teasing.

 

“Yes.” She said against Lena’s warm lips. “Nothing would make me happier.” She laughed happily, moving to hug Lena as she laughed, holding her close, enjoying the warmth.

 

“That’s all I want.” Kara said, kissing the side of Lena’s head as they held onto each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kara's much anticipated POV! Let me know what you think!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took this long to update, this chapter was painfully hard to write and school meant I didn't have the same amount of time to write. I think the problem was that I wasn't sure in which direction to take this story after the previous chapters, but I've made a plan now, so hopefully writing chapters while go a lot more smoothly from now on. Mainly an attempt at fluff in this chapter.

Lena didn't think she had ever been this nervous about a date before. Yes, she had been on various dates before, but they had always been on her own terms. And even though she technically _was_ the person who had asked Kara out and not the other way around, she couldn't help but feel like somehow it was a different thing. She hadn't been _pressured_ per say, she did actually genuinely want a date with the blonde, but she had also been scared of losing Kara if she didn't do it.

 

Yes, she had been in relationships. But most of them had felt more like a trade then an actual relationship. If I use you for sex, then you can use my name for the things you want. If I do this, you do that. It was more about creating power couples than it was about loving each other. Most of the times she had ended up leaving the person if emotions had begun evolving, not ready to deal with a possible loss, not ready to give any unnecessary sacrifices on her behalf. It sometimes created some sticky situations, left a few broken hearts, but she just hadn't been ready.

 

No, this was the first time she truly and selfishly wanted a date with somebody because she genuinely cared about them.

 

She must have spent close to an hour just staring into her closet, contemplating what the hell to wear. She had let Kara pick the place they would meet for dinner. It was some sort of Chinese place that had both sushi and pot stickers, meeting everybody's demands perfectly. It wasn't a fancy place, wasn't expensive, but the food was good. Kara had previously brought over food from the place when they would have their lunch dates, so Lena was a bit familiar with it.

 

She wondered if she should still wear a dress. Kara had said she wanted to see Lena in more 'normal' clothes, whatever that meant. She could always wear her hair down. It wasn't something she did too often, because she liked to have a very tight look, often straightened her hair if down, but maybe it was about time she took a risk and let go a bit of her image, if only in front of Kara.

 

She ended up wearing a cute beige silk button-up, just a tad bit lower than she would normally do, tucked loosely into tight black jeans. She had a simple gold necklace and let her hair flow naturally instead of straighten it as she usually did.

 

It wasn’t her normal choice of clothes, especially for a date, but that was the point of it.

 

Kara was already there this time, wearing a cute yellow dress with a high ponytail, and were those earrings actually dangling in a short gold chain?

 

Lena’s heart fluttered at the thought of Kara actually dressing up for her sake. It was funny, how Kara had dressed up while Lena had dressed down. She couldn’t help but to think that it might actually be a good thing for them, to try and meet in the middle.

 

“Kara!” she called as she walked over to the table, smiling at the blonde, who’s face immediately lit up when she saw Lena coming towards her.

 

“Hi!” she said enthusiastically as they hugged.

 

When they moved back, Kara made to kiss Lena, only to be stopped by a finger on her lips.

 

“My, my, Miss Danvers, impatient, are we?” Lena teased. “We haven’t even begun our first date yet, and your already trying to get with me? Now, where _are_ your manners?” Lena chuckled as Kara flushed bright red. Taking pity on the girl, she kissed her cheek briefly instead, before sitting down opposite Kara.

 

“I want to do this thing right this time.” Lena said as Kara took her seat as well. “I want to start over, just the two of us, plain old amazing Kara Danvers and just Lena, just as you said. I want to show you how much I want this, how much this chance means to me.”

 

She put her hand on top of Kara’s on the table, ran her thumb over the back of her hand.

 

“I want to take things slower this time, give us a chance to get to know each other better.” Lena continued, smiling sweetly. “I want to know all about Kara Danvers, I want to know everything about you.”

 

“Zor-El.” Kara said after a moment.

 

“What?” Lena replied confused.

 

“Zor-El. It’s my real name. Kara Zor-El. Danvers is my adoptive name.” She searched Lena’s eyes, looking for some kind of response to her confession.

 

“Kara Zor-El.” Lena tried out the name, letting it roll elegantly off her tongue. “I like it. It suits you.” She said with an honest smile.

 

They had ordered their meal after that. Sat and talked as they ate. And for the a moment, it felt like everything was back to the way it was before, the way it was supposed to be. Kara telling all the stories from work and from her life as Lena listened intently, taking in every word with great interest.

 

Lena had always loved hearing Kara talk. It was probably one of her favorite things.

 

This time was different though. This time, when Lena teased Kara in her flirtatious way, the blonde didn’t flush bright red and struggled to compose herself. Instead she smiled and laughed and blushed, bit her lip. It made Lena’s heart flutter in joy.

 

It was scary. No, not scary, utterly terrifying. To feel this way. To be so attracted to another human being. To know the power they held over you. Lena didn’t like that. Yet at the same time it felt like the most magical thing in the world.

 

It was hard, trying to let go and be in the moment. Exhausting. There were just so many split feelings manifesting themselves at the same time inside of Lena, she thought she might risk being torn apart. 

 

“Have you always wanted to be a CEO?” Kara asked, being tired of hearing herself talk and wanting to know more about the still mysterious woman sitting across from her.

 

Lena hesitated, unsure about how much of herself she should actually reveal, less Kara should freak, realizing what she had gotten herself into.

 

“No.” she said after a beat. She stiffened, her back straightening and smile dropping. She went silent for a second.

 

“What did you want to be then?” Kara asked curiously, as if it was the most normal question in the world.

 

“A scientist, actually. Even majored in that direction.” Lena played with the food on her plate, not really looking up.

 

“What happened?” Lena’s jaw clenched slightly, feeling awkward at Kara’s persistent questions.

 

“You know, the usual family expectations and stuff. What about you? Did you always want to be a journalist?” Lena directed her question at Kara, leaning closer to her in interest.

 

It was the perfect answer. Vague and redirection. She gave a true answer without really giving any answer, and before Kara would have the chance to ask her to explain further, she closed the conversation with a question of her own, forcing Kara to move on as well. You had to be quick and know the person across from you well in order to catch that it was a diversion. It was pure politics, a family trade.

 

“No, not always.” Kara answered truthfully, thinking about her reply. “In the beginning I was just working as an assistant at CatCo. But I found it fits really well with the whole Supergirl thing. I like digging into details, finding out the truth. I think that’s very important. Helping people. I love helping people. It’s why being Supergirl means so much to me. Being a journalist, even for a place like CatCo, is just another way of doing the same thing, you know? At least in a small way.”

 

Lena smiled, nodded. She would be lying if she said she didn’t feel her stomach twisting unpleasantly. She wished she could be more like Kara sometimes. More honest and true to herself. She felt almost small.

 

But then Kara reached across from the table and took Lena’s hand in her own, and suddenly it felt like all her worries just faded away as they shared a smile.

 

“Well, I, for one, think you’re an amazingly talented writer.” She said it a bit dramatically, squeezing her eyes for effect as she smirked, trying to lighten the mood.

 

Kara laughed and smiled shyly at the compliment.

 

"I mean it." she said truthfully. "You always go after the truth, always want to see justice done. I admire that greatly about you." Lena blushed, bit her lip. "I admire _you_." She smiled shyly.

 

Before Lena could say anything else, Kara leaned over the table and gave her a single sweet and short kiss. This time Lena didn't stop her.

 

Lena relaxed a bit more after that. Actually enjoyed herself, much more than she had hoped or wished for.

 

And the more Lena relaxed into their conversation, the more times she actually dared to share small snippets of her personal life and thoughts and feelings, the closer she felt to Kara. It made her heart pump, her shoulders relax, her gaze soften. And for once in her life, she let herself believe. Believe that it was actually possible for someone like her to be allowed to care about someone so magical as Kara.

 

Lena payed their meal as promised, but instead of going home afterwards, Kara suggest that they go to the park to feed the birds.

 

Lena wasn’t sure she had ever enjoyed something so simple so much before.

 

“You know, we never really did stuff like this when I was a child.” She confessed to Kara as they walked arm in arm down the street.

 

“No?” Kara said, encouraging her to go on.

 

“No. It was always this fancy gala and that fancy gala. I got to play with the children of their business associates when we went to private dinners, but it was always in an all too big bedroom with too many toys for a way too clean room. You hardly dared to touch anything too much, less you would make a mess. And there were always these nannies sitting on a chair in corner, silently watching your every move. It was very unnerving. Hardly a real place for a child. Some of the nannies were nice though. It was clear to feel when the children were actually well taken care of; they were always the ones who were more adventurous and fun to be around.” Lena looked away to the side as she thought back.

 

“How were you as a child?” Kara asked with a small frown of genuine curiosity.

 

"Me?” Lena frowned as well, trying to paint a picture in her head of herself back then. “I guess I was a shy child. I never really spoke a lot. The Luthors adopted me when I was four, after my real mother died. I guess I spend the first couple of years afterwards trying to get to know my new family. I loved spending time with Lex, and while I looked up to Lionel, I think I was always a bit scared of my new parents. Especially Lilian. It made it hard to be a child, especially knowing that these were the only people willing to take care of me, you know? I tried many years to fit in, but I’m not sure I ever truly succeeded. But that was a long time ago.” She smiled sadly.

 

“Do you remember anything about your real mother?”

 

“I think I remember her smile.” Lena said after a beat. “Her embrace. I remember spending a long time thinking about it when I moved. I remember not really understanding what was happening. Why she wasn’t coming to get me after I moved. I couldn’t understand where she had went, why she had left me behind. But I don't really have that much from her left. I have an old photo of her from when she was young and one with her and me at the hospital after I was born. It took a bit of digging to find them though.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Kara said as she squeezed Lena’s arm. “I’m sure your mother loved you very much.”

 

“I know.” She said softly, a sad smile on her lips. “But thank you anyway.” She leaned her head against Kara’s shoulder as they walked, nuzzled her head against Kara’s neck, feeling more comfort in that simply touch than she ever had in any of Lilian’s fake hugs.

 

They would talk about Krypton later on, about Kara's loss. But right now, Kara was just more than happy knowing that Lena had actually trusted her enough to share a small part of her story.

 

The mood lightened more as they arrived at the park, Kara’s love for nature showing itself. Lena felt amazed at Kara’s enthusiasm for life. She had lost absolutely everything, yet she was probably the happiest woman that Lena knew. It made her smile. Made her kiss Kara’s cheek in wonder.

 

She liked this kind of thing. Liked being so close to another person this way. It wasn’t something she had expected, her craving for simple human touch. She hadn’t realized how deeply deprived of it she had been until she actually got a small sample of it. Now it felt like an insatiable thirst, impossible to drown out.

 

She was suddenly aware of every single detail about Kara on a whole new level. The soft and furry hair on her neck, completely white in the sunshine. The way their fingers pressed together, the feeling of Kara’s slightly dry knuckles under the pads of her fingertips, slightly rough from tracing down criminals. The way Kara’s lips curled upwards at the corner of her mouth, like she was always smiling. The inward curve of the corner of her mouth, where her skin bend to create the opening. She noticed the fluffiness of Kara’s eyebrows, noticed every single hair of them, all seeming to move away in the same direction, elegantly following the curve of her eye socket. She had never before noticed that Kara’s glasses had a faint pattern to them and she was suddenly aware of the four small metal dots on the side of them.

 

Kissing Kara’s cheek again, she felt the breath from her nose bouncing warmly back at her on Kara’s skin. She felt the general warmth of Kara’s soft and smooth skin against the light pressure of her lips. She saw the faint mark from her own lipstick, noticed how Kara’s cheeks tainted slightly redder than before. Felt the bubble of laughter in her chest, the movement of throat as she let it spill over her own lips. Felt the texture of Kara’s jacket against her hand, as she squeezed the other woman closer. Felt mesmerized.

 

Felt happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really insecure about this chapter, but I hope it was okay, please let me know what you think :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know some people have been disappointed with the lack of Kara in this story, and I want to apologize for that and clear some things up. 
> 
> This story follows Lena’s POV and we’re going to keep on following her. I’m not going to switch to follow Kara around instead. We basically only know what Lena knows. But now that Kara and Lena is actually talking, Lena will suddenly begin to know and understand more of Kara’s POV, aka we will begin to understand and hear more of Kara’s side.

It was a bit funny, how much the two of them had in common while being completely different at the same time. Both of them were romantics, much to both of their surprises. Kara seemed like the type of person who would be a romantic with her endless optimism and general amazement with life, but Lena being a romantic was a surprise. They went about it in a very different way though.

 

Kara liked to tell Lena how much she liked her, how much she appreciated their time together. She was very direct with her romantic sentiments, making candle lit dinners, took Lena flying to all her favorite places, tried to pull her closer into her world. She was most romantic when they were together.

 

Lena was opposite though. She was a true romantic behind the scenes. She send flowers to Kara’s office or apartment on a weekly basis, writing cute cards in neat handwriting about how much she adored Kara. She left small notes for Kara to find different places, writing the most sentimental things that would probably never leave her mouth in real life. Once she had went out and bought Kara one of her favorite teas where she slipped a small note under the hood of the unopened package for Kara to find a weeks afterwards. She always listened, was always thoughtful in her gift giving, placing a new book on Kara’s nightstand that she had talked about wanting to read. Kara thought it was the most adorable thing in the world. She told Lena she wasn’t sure she had ever felt this appreciated or listened to before, even if Lena wasn’t doing her gestures face to face.

 

Trust was still a hard thing for Lena.

 

“Why don’t you share more often?” Kara had asked one afternoon when they were curled up together on Kara’s couch, watching some sort of movie Kara had wanted to see.

 

"What do you mean darling?” Lena was leaning against the corner of the couch with Kara’s head lying softly in her lap. Her fingers stroked lovingly through blonde hair, absentmindedly watching the screen.

 

“You never really talk about your family or up-brining or anything like that. And I don’t think I’ve ever even seen your apartment. You don’t have some sort of secret sex chamber in your basement you don’t want me to find, do you?”

 

Lena laughed whole-heartedly at the comment, leaning down to kiss soft curls.

 

“No, love, don’t worry. It’s just not a place I spend a lot of time. I like being here with you more.” Lena returned her attention to the screen.

 

“But it’s still your place. I want to see how you live. It’s a part of you. I want to know all of you.” Kara pouted, not truly upset anymore. It wasn’t the first time that they were talking about things like this.

 

Lena hated it. Felt her heart twist and her stomach drop whenever Kara said that she wanted to know all about Lena. Because she didn’t really. Lena was sure of that. Not when Lena began sharing her stories. She would run. Just like everybody else whom she had tried to open up to and talk to when she had been younger. She had been burnt on that account more times than she could count.

 

“I’ll think about it, okay?” Lena’s voice was soft, her words meant to comfort. But she wasn’t blind to the pain that flashed across Kara’s face.

 

“Okay.” Kara said dejectedly in a small voice.

 

Normally Lena would have let it go and move on, but she had just used that excuse so often. So instead, she shifted in her seat, forcing Kara to sit up.

 

“Hey. Come here.” Lena said. “I want you to look me in the eyes.”

 

Kara looked at her with slightly glossy eyes, making Lena’s heart break just the tiniest bit.

 

“I’m here because I want to be here.” Lena said. “I’m here because I care about you and I want to spend my time being with you. Seeing my apartment is not going to change that.”

 

“I know, but-“

 

“No.” Lena said in a voice that was both firm and soft at the same time. “I like you. I really, really like you, Kara. Surely you know that by now, right?”

 

She searched Kara’s eyes for confirmation. After a second, Kara nodded. The response was slower than what Lena would have liked.

 

“I do. So much it scares me sometimes. You don’t need to see my apartment to know me. You already have me. Nothing’s going to change that.”

 

Lena wanted to add more. Felt like she should add more. Felt like she should tell Kara to wait for her. Tell her to be patient. Tell her that Lena was endlessly scared of losing something she had just now discovered.

 

But Kara nodded. Accepted her words. And Lena was just so tired of being vulnerable and feeling small. So she kissed Kara instead, trying to communicate all the things her words couldn’t. She wasn’t sure that Kara understood. Couldn’t blame her if she didn’t. She let it go and decided to just enjoy the feeling of the other woman pressed against her, their mouth moving together in a perfect harmony.

 

It had been almost 3 weeks since their first date, yet they hadn’t actually slept together again. Lena wanted to wait. She didn’t want to rush into things once more, wanted to do it differently. Wanted to try this whole dating thing first.

 

Not that she was scared that she had made the wrong decision with Kara. She had already been in too deep by the time she kissed Supergirl the first time. No, she wanted this to be special. Wanted to proof to Kara that she could actually do this. Wanted to proof to herself, more than anybody else, that she could actually do this.

 

She wanted their ‘first time’ to be special. She knew that they had already slept together before, had Kara’s body mapped out perfectly in her head. Knew every crook, every detail. Knew how to make Kara moan and cry out in pleasure. But it was different now. She actually had feelings involved. She no longer wanted to fuck her. No longer wanted to use her for her own pleasure. She wanted to make love to her. She wanted to take her time to worship every inch of Kara’s body. But she wanted to feel like she actually deserved to do that. She wanted to know that Kara wanted her fully and completely.

 

She knew that Kara didn’t always understand. Didn’t want Lena to go through with the trouble. Kara didn’t think it was necessary. She already knew that Lena liked her; she didn’t need some grand romantic gesture. Kara just failed to grasp that it was more about Lena’s insecurity than it was about Kara. But Lena knew it was hard, because she never told Kara all those things.

 

“I’m going out for drinks with some friends this Friday.” Kara told her close to a week after, when they were sitting at Lena’s office. “Do you want to come with?”

 

They were eating their lunch at Lena’s couch. It was a simple question, said casually. Because everything that seemed like a huge thing for Lena always seemed like the most normal and casual thing in the world to Kara.

 

“I’m not sure if I can, I need to check my schedule.” was the first thing Lena said. That way she would have an excuse ready to use if she decided on it. “Who’s coming?” she asked just as casually as Kara had, still concentrating on her food.

 

“Just the usual gang, you know. Winn, James, Alex and Maggie. It’s just a couple of beers, nothing big.  Maybe a game of pool. You don’t have to if you don’t want, I just thought it might be fun.” She smiled at Lena, still completely oblivious to the roar of emotions hiding behind Lena’s eyes.

 

“Yeah, of course. I’ll look into it, see if I can move some things around. No promises though, okay?” Lena smiled sweetly at Kara, doing a perfect job of masking her inner panic.

 

“Sure.” Kara smiled and went on to talk about an article she was working on that just didn’t seem to go the way she wanted it to.

 

It wasn’t a big conversation for Kara. Wasn’t something major. She had just simply figured that since she was spending so much time with Lena already, that there wasn’t any reason why Lena shouldn’t be there when she was with friends. Lena was polite, could be very outgoing if she wanted to, very friendly.  It would be nice for everyone to get together and meet up.

 

But Lena was freaking out at the prospect of meeting the people whom Kara cared about the most. And moreover, the people whom cared the most about Kara. Surely, they would have to be extremely suspicious about Lena. Especially seeing as she was a Luthor and most people didn’t take so lightly to that fact as Kara had. She would be deemed unworthy instantly.

 

Of course Kara’s friends didn’t know they were dating though. Nobody knew. Lena wasn’t going to tell anyone, even if she had had anyone to tell. Not because she wanted to keep Kara as a dirty secret, but simply because she didn’t want any press or any questions. It wasn’t any of anybody else’s business. And she was a firm believer that people should mind their own business.

 

Maybe it would be okay seeing Kara’s friends and family in that sense. Maybe they could get to like her as just a normal regular person since they didn’t know she used to fuck Supergirl senseless in her office at night. She cringed at her choice of words. A part of felt like she needed to excuse the vulgar language she was using, but couldn’t really seem to regret it since it was the truth.

 

She texted Kara later that evening.

 

**Lena Luthor, 10:03 PM:** I’ve been able to move my meeting a bit. I can probably make it for a couple of beers

 

**Kara Danvers, 10:05 PM:** that’s awesome!!! I’m sure the gang will be happy to meet you!!!! J J J

 

Lena smiled at her phone. She kind of liked the way Kara was always so over the top in her texting, even though she would never admit it out loud.

 

**Lena Luthor, 10:07 PM:** Is there anything I need to know before coming? Is there some sort of dress code?

 

**Kara Danvers, 10:12 PM:** Nope!! I’ll text you the time and place when we get closer J

 

**Kara Danvers, 10:12 PM:** and wear CASUAL clothes!! No need to wear any fancy and expensive dresses!

 

**Lena Luthor, 10:14 PM:** But I thought you liked my fancy dresses ;)

 

Lena smirked proudly at her phone as she saw the three small dots on her screen appear and disappear repeatedly as Kara was clearly at a loss of words.

 

**Kara Danvers, 10:18 PM:** I think I like you better with them off ;)

 

Lena nearly spit out her coffee when she read it. It never seized to surprise her whenever Kara’s more sexual side came out. It seemed to go against the naïve and innocent sentimentality she possessed most of the time. Not that Kara wasn’t sexy. Because by God she was. But Lena found herself surprisingly attracted to Kara’s sweetness and warmth, almost more so than her looks.

 

**Lena Luthor, 10:21 PM:** My, my, Miss Danvers, someone’s impatient ;)

 

The dots implying that Kara was writing appeared again, only to disappear again. Lena knew she was playing with fire. Knew that Kara wanted her, missed their intimacy just as much as she did.

 

**Kara Danvers, 10:22 PM:** When was the last time you looked yourself in the mirror??! THIS IS TORTTUURREEE!!!!

 

Lena laughed.

 

**Lena Luthor, 10:22 PM:** You seem to forget that patience is a virtue ;)

 

**Kara Danvers, 10:23 PM:** Does that mean that there’s still hope?????

 

Lena bit her lip, hesitated, an evil thought crossing her mind.

 

**Lena Luthor, 10:25:** I’ll tell you a secret then, as a reward for your patience

 

**Lena Luthor, 10:25:** (You’re always the only one I think about when I touch myself at night)

 

**Lena Luthor, 10:26:** I have to go bed now, have a lot of meetings tomorrow. Goodnight <3

 

Lena felt bad. She was never that forward when writing with Kara, but she just couldn’t resist the temptation. A part of her wished that she could see Kara’s response as she read the text. She didn’t have to wait long though.

 

**Kara Danvers, 10:30:** YOU CAN’T JUST WRITE STUFF LIKE THAT IF YOU DON’T WANT ME TO GET A HEART ATTACK 1!!!1!!!!!

 

**Kara Danvers, 10:30:** You’re evil!!! But I still like you. Sweet dreams  <3

 

When Lena went to bed that evening, she couldn’t help but smile as she drifted off to dreamland.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm teaching a small class of 3 this week on filming a tutorial for a medical device, turns out teaching is boring when students are working, meaning I got a bit of time to write!
> 
> Also, there's a Tintin reference in this chapter, and my American friend tells me Tintin isn't that big of a thing over there, but it's a bit funny if you get it, so I'm keeping it.

The biggest problem with Lena’s logic is that she never actually talks to Kara. She never actually exclusively says ‘I don’t want to tell people we’re dating’. She never gets around to sharing her thoughts on the subject, telling her that she wants to keep this thing for themselves until she feels comfortable enough to share it with the people around them.

 

It’s probably the worst thing about Lena, and she knows it. She hates being vulnerable. Hates being insecure. So she pretends she’s not and moves on with her day as if nothing happened. She never says the words out loud, never admits it. And if she gets too close to get burned, she simply moves along. She knows all the ways to manipulate her words and situations to get the result she wants, without ever having to share a single thing. Because sharing hurts and a Luthor isn’t vulnerable. It’s old habits. She knows it’s stupid and useless. Knows that’s not the way the world turns, knows that if she wouldn’t be a human if she weren’t vulnerable. She knows you grow by sharing with the people around you.

 

Yet she never begins to trust herself around Kara enough to actually say she words ‘I’m not ready for people to know’. And she swears, Kara must be so oblivious sometimes, because of course Kara has her own ideas about when you share what and with who, and of course Lena should have guessed that.

 

She doesn’t guess it.

 

Not until she walks into the bar and Alex begins to shoot daggers with her eyes while Maggie smirks knowingly and Winn smiles friendly. Because of course they all know. Of course Kara chooses to kiss her on the cheek as she comes over to greet her. Of course it’s now absolutely impossible and way too late to get out of this god forsaken mess as everybody clearly has their eyes set expectantly on her, waiting for her move as she panics.

 

Sometimes she swears her and Kara are like Dupond and Dupont (well, Thomson and Thompson if Lena had actually read the English versions of Tintin as a kid, instead of being forced to try to learn French), because they’re both just so clueless as to what each other are doing or thinking and it just ends up all mixed up.

 

“Why don’t I go get the first round?” Lena smiles after the all pleasantries, (well, rather un-pleasantries) has been exchanged. She’s calm and collected as always, more friendly than usually, because if all else fails, she will always have that to turn back to. Luckily for her, Kara actually seems to catch her bluff this time.

 

“I’ll go with you.” She smiles to her friends and family as she takes Lena by the arm, walking towards the bar.

 

“Everything okay?” Kara asks carefully as they get to the bar. Her words are soft and concerned and Lena just wants to whimper at her own stupidity and burry her face in Kara’s neck. Sweet and thoughtful yet sometimes so helplessly oblivious Kara.

 

"Yes, everything’s fine.” Lena clenches her jaw in frustration, turning towards the bar instead. She’s just about to order when Kara puts a hand on her arm to stop her.

 

“Please, Lena, tell me what’s wrong. I-Is it the place? Because, I mean, we always go here. I know it’s not really what you’re used to, but I didn’t think you would mind. Is it Alex? I know she can seem intimidating but-“

 

“They all know.” Lena interrupts Kara’s ramble.

 

“What do you mean?” Lena looks at Kara hopelessly, wanting to sigh and just give up, because how is it possible to talk so much past each other all the time?

 

“About _us!_ ” The last word comes out a sharp whisper as she leans closer to Kara as if talking about some sort of big secret.

 

“Of course.” Kara’s brows furrow, confusion written all over her face. “They’re my friends and famil-“

 

Before she can finish her sentence she stops, and Lena thinks she can literally see the lightbulb going off inside her brain.

 

_Ding, ding, ding, we got a winner!_

“Oh!” Kara says, suddenly realizing that they had never actually talked about it. “I just assumed-!” And then slowly her expression turns from apologetic realization, to something sadder. “You don’t want them to know about us. You don’t want people to know you’re dating me.” It's a statement, not a question. She pauses, looking hurt and confused. “Are you ashamed of me?”

 

Suddenly all Lena wants is to grab Kara and pull her close, to kiss all her doubts away. Because Lena could never be ashamed of dating someone so incredible and heart-felt as Kara. But they’re standing in a public bar with Kara’s friends and family staring at them, and Lena feels like she’s completely naked.

 

“No, of course not!” she hurries to say before Kara can jump to conclusions. She doesn’t miss the lingering doubt on Kara’s face, and it cuts her like a knife. She pauses. “I just didn’t know.” Another pause. “I wanted to make a good impression when we told people, and I feel completely side blinded by this.” Lena’s not mad. Doesn’t come across as mad. She isn’t completely honest either. Because she isn’t ready. Not _really_ ready. That's the real problem. But she never says that out loud.

 

“Oh my God, Lena, I’m so sorry!” Immediately Kara is back to being sorry and protective. “I didn’t think this through at all! I was just so happy and I told Alex that we had slowly begun seeing each other when she confronted me about not shutting up about you, and then Alex told Maggie because apparently _bets_ had been made, and then people just began guessing, and I’m _such_ a horrible liar, you know that.”

 

She pauses, looks to Lena. Her eyes are soft and filled with so much doubt. She looks so small.

 

“I should have thought of you.” Kara adds carefully. “I didn’t think, I’m sorry. If you want to go, I can make us an excuse. We don’t have to do this, if you’re not ready.”

 

And that’s really the thing, isn’t it? Because Lena isn’t ready, but Kara is, and Lena doesn’t want to disappoint Kara, doesn’t want Kara to know that she’s not ready.

 

“It’s fine, really. I just wasn’t expecting it, that’s all.” Lena gives her a small smile and takes a chance as she kisses her carefully on the cheek. “Now, come on, you know people’s orders.”

 

Her smile is soft and friendly and Kara immediately lights up.

 

Lena’s stiff when they get back to table.

 

“Trouble in paradise?” Maggie asks with a knowing smirk. Kara is looking mortified at her.

 

“Maggie!” she chastises.

 

“No problem at all, just a slight misunderstanding. Everything is fine now.” Lena smiles friendly, and even though suspicious glances gets thrown around, people decides not to comment any further, much to Lena’s relief.

 

She’s stiff the whole evening. She smiles and laughs when she supposed to, answers to politely to any and all questions and is not besides cheeky replies with evil smirks whenever people get too personal or too daring with their comments. If there’s one thing Lena knows how to give, it’s a good come back.

 

But she never really relaxes. She’s constantly in defense mode. Maggie teases her about it once, but gets fired down instantly. Soon people learn to get off her back. It’s a mixture of relief and sadness when it happens. Sadness because she can’t help but to think that this is genuinely good people that she would really like and get along with at another time and place. She just can’t abstract from the fact that Kara is sitting right next to her, so close that she can feel the heat radiating from her skin.

 

She had put a hand on Lena’s thigh. It’s meant to comfort, meant to be something nice and warm, but it only burns and Lena flinched and stiffens, but that only results in Kara running her thumb gently over the fabric of her dress, hand never moving. It makes her blush and look down at the table uncomfortably. Under any other circumstance, Lena would feel happy about the contact, welcome it with open arms. But these aren’t other circumstances, and Lena doesn’t want other people to see her being so close and loving and caring so publicly. Not when it’s around people who means something instead of strangers on the street whom she will never again have to face.

 

Kara notices, but doesn't say anything, because she knows that if Lena doesn't really want to share things with her of all people, then she probably doesn’t want to do it in front of people she has never talked to before now.

 

She says goodnight to Kara outside of the bar afterwards, along with everybody else, opting for a short hug instead of the usual kiss and shakes everybody else’s hands, thanking them for the invite and for a good evening. Tells them how nice it was to meet them, apologizes if she was quiet, tells them that she had had a very long and important meeting earlier that day and was simply tired. People waved her off, thanked her, returned the sentiments.

 

She could hear Alex talking to Kara as she walked away, felt the eyes on her back. She knew she had come across colder and harder than she wanted to. She knew her name made Kara’s sister wince and give her cold stares, but she also wouldn’t say anything in front of her love-sick sister.

 

Maggie had seemed more on her side though, which was nice. She had probably been the friendliest of them all, giving her knowing lopsided smiles. Lena had just raised her eyebrow in return, copying the smile, daring her to say anything. It made Maggie back down again, earned Lena some respect for standing up for herself. This kind of communication was something both of them understood, something they could share.

 

Winn hadn’t really made any comments or anything, simply moving on with his life as if she wasn’t even there. Alex had never really warmed up to her. Lena saw the slight elbows she got from Maggie, but no words where ever exchanged. Kara had been radiating the whole night though, feeling in her ace with some of the people she cared most about surrounding her.

 

It made Lena feel bad that she couldn’t be the same. It made her feel even more frustrated just knowing that she was giving herself a harder time than she should. Than she had earned. She should really be more nice to herself. But reprimanding herself for not being kind to herself, wasn’t really fulfilling the purpose either.

 

It was probably after that evening that Lena first truly began doubting. Lena was used to having her own schedule with things to take care of, her own apartment to spend time at, her own plans and thoughts being the only plans and thoughts she had to take care of. Dating Kara meant that suddenly there was a whole other person to take into consideration. She wanted that to happen more than anything else, wanted to make that work. But when the other person was so different…

 

Family meant everything to Kara. It was her place of comfort; she found solitude in the people around her. For Lena family meant nothing but hurt and disappointment and she had always valued her time spend by herself, told herself she didn’t need people surrounding her, told herself they made too much noise.

 

Kara made noise. Litterally. Constantly rambled excitedly about one thing or the other, always loving to talk a lot. But it was never a bad thing when Kara made noise. Because Kara was Kara. Kara made Lena make noise too, made Lena want to talk for hours on end about all the things she never got to share with anybody else.

 

They spend hours upon hours together, talking, laughing, kissing. Clinging to each other as their bodies pressed against each other, hot moans mingling with wet and open kisses as tongues tangled and whimpers were exchanged.

 

But then Alex would knock on the door because she had plans with Kara. And Kara always asked Lena if she would stay with them, spend time together. And Lena always came up with excuses. In the end, Lena learned not to show up at all if Kara and Alex had plans that day, wanting to avoid all awkwardness and her feeling bad.

 

In general, whenever Kara had plans with friends, Lena wouldn’t show up that day. It was rude and send a horrible signal, Lena knew that. She could feel the disappointment in Kara.

 

**Kara Danvers, 5:00 PM:** You know I’m not going anywhere, right?

 

Lena had gotten the message late one afternoon. It had been four days since last time they had seen each other and it was killing Lena more than she could describe. She was just so tired of feeling like she was constantly dragging Kara down with her, constantly hurting her. She understood why Kara would write that, why she would think that. She knew it was Kara's own insecurity, Kara's fear of getting hurt. Because she adored Lena and Lena knew it would break Kara's heart if she left her.

 

She didn’t know what to write. Didn’t know what to do.

 

**Lena Luthor, 11:37 PM:** I’m scared

 

It had taken her ages to reply, ages to muster up any kind of courage. It took all the power within her to not delete it again instantly. The two words had been written on her phone many hours before she pressed the small ‘send’ button. It was probably the most honest she had ever been in a very long time as well as the most scared she had been since the whole spectacle with Lex had calmed down. She just couldn’t lose Kara.

 

She lay awake that whole night, twisting and turning in her bed, starring helplessly at her phone until her body became too tired and forced her into a restless sleep. She knew Kara would first see the text in the morning, knew she had probably been asleep before Lena had written back.

 

Now she just had to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw, for the purpose of this story, Jack has never existed. I feel like he's too important not to have made an impact on Lena, meaning I would either have to belittle him or change the whole way I've written Lena, which would mean this story wouldn't exist. So they just never met in this version of life. Poor Lena though, what a cliffhanger. She was really hot during the fight scene though, right? Or is it only me, haha!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some strange reason I find writing angsty and emotional stuff much easier and more interesting. Way more than fluffy stuff. It just seems more honest? I’m not sure… That’s not me saying there won’t be fluff, btw. I’m a sucker for fluff when reading other people’s stories. Just a passing thought I had while writing.
> 
> Slightly long, kinda sad, but important chapter coming up, so buckle up for the ride!

Kara was there the next morning when Lena walked into her office. She was pacing back and forth nervously and rapidly, and Lena's scared she would soon be burning holes in her carpet if she keeps the pace up.

 

“Lena!” Kara stops when hears the door closes, rushes over to Lena and wraps her arms impossibly tight around Lena’s body. Too tight.

 

“Kara, human strength, please.” It comes out strained with the pain of Kara’s crushing arms.

 

“Oh, golly, Lena, I’m so sorry.” Kara steps back, puts her hands on Lena’s upper arms as she looks at her with a calming panic, before it gets too much and she puts her arms back around Lena, pressing her face into the hollow of her neck, holding her impossibly close with yet impossibly soft arms.

 

It’s warm and it’s nice and it’s everything that’s Kara, everything that makes her great and Lena just stiffens and don’t know what to do about any of it.

 

She don’t know what to do.

 

Her mind goes blank as Kara refuses to let her go.

 

“Lena, I was so worried when I got your message, I went out of my mind. Oh, Rao. Lena. I’m so glad your okay.”

 

It feels so nice, being in Kara’s arms. It feels so perfect hearing her voice softly in her ear. She’s missed her so much it hurts.

 

It hurt. Everything hurts. Everything is dumb and stupid and she hates herself and she stands stiff and still and it’s just too much for her to handle and she doesn’t know what to do or what to think because Kara’s so nice and so warm and so caring and she’s just standing there stiff in her arms so tired and used and doesn’t know what to do. Doesn’t know what to think. Standing still with a blank mind and a beating heart.

 

She hears the first sob leaving her mouth, surprising her.

 

“Oh, gosh, Lena. You’re okay. It’s okay. I’m right here. I’m not leaving you. I promise.”

 

The second sob is more strained, her body on the verge of shaking as she stands still, almost holding her breath. It just feels so nice being in Kara’s arms. Too nice. So when she feels the third sob fighting to get out, she gives up and lets go.

 

Suddenly it’s like a flood, crashing in over her, completely unstoppable as she’s powerless to do anything but let it take over her. She falls heavily into Kara’s arms, grasping the back of her dress as if it’s the only thing holding her alive. She sobs loudly, lets the cries rip violently through her body as she finally lets her pain breathe.

 

She’s vaguely aware of the door behind her opening, vaguely registers Kara nodding at Jess to tell her she’s handling this, tell her to give them space and time, vaguely hears the door closing again. She doesn’t care. Doesn’t have the power to care. She knows that if the walls hadn’t been soundproof, the whole building would probably hear her, but she doesn’t care.

 

She’s safe in Kara’s arm.

 

She cries as if her heart clenches and twists painfully in her chest. Cries as if her whole being is being torn into pieces. Trusts Kara to hold her, keep her, and never let go.

 

She feels warmth, spreading through her from Kara. Feels her tears, warm, wet and violent as they stream uncontrollably down, covers Kara’s shoulder with a growing wet stain. Everything inside of her hurts. Her whole body feels heavy. Empty. Tired. So endlessly tired. Physically and mentally. This whole ordeal has finally caught up with her and is finally demanding it’s much awaited presence. Her whole mind and vision is completely clouded by tears, making her unable to think, unable to move, unable to see, unable to stop this stream.

 

When she’s calmed enough down, Kara briefly leaves Lena’s arms to open the door. Lena sits heavily on her couch, feeling the cold wrap around her as she hears Kara tell Jess to clear Lena’s schedule for today and tomorrow and to go home. She doesn’t have the power to protest, doesn’t have the power to feel anything but deep gratitude.

 

The next thing she knows, Lena is being carried up in Kara’s arms. Everything seems to move in glimpses, her eyes are heavy and burning, and her mind feels like mush in her brain. She only feels the cold briefly when Kara opens the balcony door, before she feels her jacket being blanketed around her. She closes her eyes and buries her face against Kara’s chest as she flies with her bridal style, landing softly on the roof of Lena’s apartment building.

 

Lena doesn’t know how she has the strength to walk. She doesn’t feel it with her legs, only sees herself moving forward, understands she’s moving perfectly straight in her high heels. It’s like her body moves from memory, unlocking her own apartment door, dropping her jacket and bag on her floor, not having enough energy to hang them their proper places.

 

She takes Kara’s hand softly in her own, leads her through her giant apartment, down the hallway, into her bedroom. She’s tired. She can barely stand up anymore. Her eyes and head hurts and feels heavy, pulsating. She barely slept during the night and she just can’t anymore. Tears still run hotly from her eyes on their own accord as she tugs Kara towards her bed, kicks her heels off as she crawls under the blanket, dragging Kara with her.

 

“I just don’t want to lose you. It scares me.” Lena’s voice is small and pained and comes out as close to a whisper as she buries herself deep into Kara’s arms, tangles their limps together, rests her head against her chest. She hasn’t opened her eyes since they entered her bedroom, unable to think, unable to care.

 

“Shh. It’s okay Lena. I’m not going anyway. You won’t lose me, not in a million years. Close your eyes. Sleep.”

 

It’s the last thing she hears before she’s fast asleep.

 

When she wakes up again, it’s to a cold bed. Her head thumps loudly, but she doesn’t pay it any mind. Doesn’t care. Her heart clenches in pain at the knowledge of what happened earlier, and she just wants to bury herself. This was _not_ how things were supposed to be working out. If or when she was ready, she was going to sit Kara down and have a long and honest discussion with her about her feelings. She would keep herself in control, keep her emotions in check. She would calmly explain her back-story and why she was acting the way she was. She would explain her fears and sorrows, and Kara would listen and nod and smile. They would kiss and make up and everything would be just right.

 

How naïve was she really?

 

Looking up, she suddenly notices Kara standing in the doorway.

 

“How are you feeling?” she asks in a careful voice.

 

She’s standing with a cup in her hand, smiling softly at her. It makes Lena’s heart melt. Makes her tears begin to roll down again in a hot stream of its own will and mind. Her tears are silent this time though, and Lena chooses to ignore their presence entirely as she sniffles a single time. Her head throbs. God, she’s a mess. She puts a hand to her messy hair, looks around. A part of her wants to stiffen, wants to swallow herself once more, feel that familiar lump form in her throat as she would choke down all expressions of emotions. But she’s tired and it’s already too late by now. Kara has already witnessed her mess.

 

She resigns to the moment with a deep sigh, closing her eyes. Her eyelashes are wet and she tastes salt in the corners of her mouth.

 

“Better.” She says. “Not very good though, to be honest.” Her words are laced with bitterness. She wants to curse herself, but she’s too tired.

 

"Hey. Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault." Kara reassures, reading her mind as she comes over and sits besides Lena on the edge of her bed, puts an arm around her.

 

Lena sighs and closes her eyes, letting the tears fall silently as she leans her head on Kara’s shoulders. They sit still like that for a while, nobody saying a word. Kara’s hand moving comforting up and down Lena’s arm is the only movement present. Outside they can hear the soft bustle of the street, cars driving, people occasionally yelling, birds singing. But it’s so high up and so secluded that it’s nothing more than a soft murmur. Every once in a while Lena sniffles, repositions her head on Kara’s shoulder. The room smells like sleep and the coffee currently getting cold in Kara’s hand. Smells like Lena. Lena’s own unique smell. Kara thinks she can hint the smell of Lena’s perfume, lingering, but she’s not sure. Her shoulder is wet, that is for sure. But she doesn’t complain. Lena’s hair tickles her neck slightly, but not enough to be a true distraction. She leans her head against the top of Lena’s, feels the press against her.

 

It’s nice, sitting like this. It’s different. It’s new. Kara can feel it. Something new is coming, something new is about to happen. Things are about to change. She’s scared, but she welcomes it. Knows that she won’t leave Lena, not now, not like this. She won’t leave Lena ever if it’s up to her, but she knows it’s not.

 

“I made you coffee.” She says slowly after a while. Her words are careful, too loud in the otherwise quiet room. She can’t help but feeling like they’re in their own bubble, sitting in Lena’s bedroom. It’s weird and nice at the same time. This is the first time she’s actually been in Lena’s bedroom, first time she’s been inside of her apartment.

 

Lena chuckles absurdly. Her voice is hoarse and deep.

 

“Thank you.” She says. She doesn’t move to take the coffee and Kara doesn’t move to give it to her. Instead they keep sitting still, just letting themselves be enfolded in the silence and in the feeling of their bodies pressed together.

 

Kara can’t help but to find comfort in the sound of Lena’s heart beating. It’s a slow and steady rhythm. She has heard it many times before, but somehow it feels slower this time. More relaxed. Lena’s tears varies in their coming and going now, but Lena sits completely still. Lena’s eyebrows furrow every once in a while though, when she remembers why they’re sitting here, and that seems to be the thing setting her tears off every time. She doesn’t say anything though. Doesn’t trust her own voice. Instead, she rather enjoys the silence spreading out.

 

“Maybe I should go take a shower.” Lena says after a couple of minutes more. She doesn’t move though. Just sits still, as if her body is too heavy to move. As if she’s nothing but a rag doll pressed up against Kara. A bag of butchered and bloody meat, falling heavily in a bag made of soft and warm skin and covered in silky clothes. She fears the meat might be rotting sometimes, might be decaying slowly, turning grey and smelly.

 

"Yeah." Kara whispers softly in reply. She doesn’t move either. It’s like time just stands still. They let it.

 

“Okay.” Lena finally whispers after another couple of minutes and actually gets up this time. Actually moves. She gently takes Kara’s hand in hers as she stands, prompting her to follow.

 

She puts a loose hand on Kara’s shoulder as she moves in to kiss her. It’s a small, chaste kiss. Lena’s lips are slightly dry and sticky, tasting like salt and morning breath, but Kara think it’s the most wonderful thing to get to kiss Lena like this. In such a simple and domestic way. Like they’re just kissing each other good morning. Like it’s a simple habit fitting in a routine rather some elaborate thing.

 

“Make yourself at home.” Lena says as moves to the bathroom. “You’re welcome to snoop around, I know you probably want to.” She doesn’t smile as she says it, doesn’t put anything into it. It’s a simple and honest comment. She’s too tired for it to be anything else.

 

Her naked feet feels cold and heavy against the smooth wood of her floor. She doesn’t really think anymore, just does, as she moves to the bathroom, grips the cold handle, smooth against her palms. She closes the door with a small thud, efficiently closing her off to the rest of her apartment, to the rest of the world. She sighs heavily, closes her eyes for a second as her shoulders drop even further down and she forces herself to relax.

 

She feels like winching when she looks herself in the bathroom mirror. Her cheeks are red and puffy against her pale skin. Her eyes are red too; the small veins showing themselves against the otherwise white area, making her eye color seem to shine even brighter than normally. Her mascara is waterproof, yet she can see the small dots from it, creating a greyness just under her eyes. White streaks of salt have dried down her cheeks, forming a pattern in their path, gathering around her chin.

 

Her hands and feet moves on their own accord, walking to turn on the shower, beginning to rid herself of her clothes. It feels nice to get her dress off. It feels as if her skin begins to breath. Taking off her bra, she enjoys getting rid of the tight straps, otherwise digging into her skin, leaving red marks. She takes short notice of the prickling hair on her legs, slowly beginning to grow back out. She makes a mental note to shave again soon, but knows it's not going to be now.

 

It feels amazing as she steps under the shower, the warmth filling her up, burning her skin. For a moment she holds her breath and closes her eyes as she puts her whole head under the shower. It feels nice, feels refreshing as if all the traces of her tears, her break down, slowly washes away. The corners of her mouth turns up for a small second. It's not quite a smile, but almost. It's enough though. She rubs her eyes as she removes her face from the stream, wanting to avoid water in them as well as wanting to remove all traces of make up and tears.

 

She washes herself silently, moving in routine. A part of her wants to stay there, enjoy the water, stand still for a second, but a bigger part of her wants to get back to the safety of Kara, so she steps out instead, dries her skin against the soft towel, turns her head down at she ruffles the towel over her hair. She brushes her hair, wincing slightly with the knots, though enjoying the smooth feeling of the brush running through soft and damp hair. She doesn't dry it. Doesn't care. It's not important right now. Realizing she forgot new clothes, she wraps the towel around her body and opens the door to the outside world.

 

The air is cold, coming from the steam-filled bathroom. She shiver slightly but doesn't care as she feels her feet moving on their own accord into her bedroom, the hands opening her clothes by themselves, shuffling, until she grabs hold of an old university hoodie and some loose sweatpants she had bought for workout but never really used, preferring her tight yoga pants instead.

 

Kara's sitting on the bed, watching Lena do all this, wrapped only in her towel. She doesn't say anything, doesn't do anything, waits patiently. She knows she needs to follow Lena's tempo, even if it seems painfully slow. Kara's acutely aware that this is the moment she's been waiting for, and she's willing to be as patient as possibly, even if Lena doesn't begin talking for another 10 days.

 

If Kara blushes and looks away when Lena lets the towel drop from her naked body, Lena doesn't take notice. Doesn't care. It's nothing Kara hasn't seen before, and she just can't find it in her to care even the slightest. She soundlessly slips on her underwear, hoodie and sweatpants, not bothering with a bra.

 

She stands still for a second, wondering what's next.

 

"I'll go reheat the coffee, love. Would you like some hot cocoa?" Lena goes over to Kara on the bed as she speaks, brushes her own hair back as she gives Kara another of those kisses from before, short and chaste, yet full of familiarity.

 

"That sounds amazing." Kara's voice is soft, barely above a whisper. She watches from her spot as Lena leaves again through the door. She sits still a moment longer, looks out the window for just a moment longer, before she gets up to follow Lena.

 

The apartment is a spacious one. Most of the walls are bare, except for a few abstract art pieces Kara knows has probably cost more than her rent has. It's a weird feeling, standing at the end of the hall, looking at Lena moving about a kitchen so clean and perfect, it looks like something straight out of a magazine. Kara wonders if it actually is. Wouldn't surprise her.

 

This whole place is so different from her own apartment, so different from the world she lives in. It's like she stepped right into another world, standing, looking at Lena like through a window.

 

She almost has a hard time reconciling this Lena to the one she’s used to by now. Normally Lena is always so strong and thoughtful, carries herself with an air of belonging, kisses like she means it. She’s always the one who’s holding Kara when they lay curled up together, is always Kara’s rock. She never shares her past or her feelings, but she always listens and understands. She’s both geeky and funny and can be the most adorable person to have ever existed when you least expects it. She’s always smart, always knows everything. She can be tough and stern, but Kara’s seen her softness enough times to know it’s just an image. She never lets go of that air of mystery though, never lets Kara see behind her loving words.

 

Kara can’t help but to feel that this Lena, as she’s standing in her kitchen with her back turned to Kara, is the Lena she was never allowed to see before. That this Lena is the true Lena. Small and vulnerable. Insecure. This is the side of her that Lena never wants anybody to know exist. But Kara knows what it’s like to live a lie. Knows the toll it takes on you. She can see it now, in the way Lena’s shoulders falls helplessly to the ground.

 

After observing her for a short time, Kara moves forwards and into the kitchen where Lena’s waiting for the water to boil. Carefully she places her arms around Lena’s stomach from behind, pressing them flush against each other. She leans down, kisses her neck and shoulder. Lena’s skin is warm after the shower.

 

“You smell nice.” She says, her lips moving against the skin as her nostrils fills with the flowery scent of Lena’s shampoo, mixed with her own unique smell.

 

“Thank you.” Lena replies simply, pressing back against Kara’s arms, closing her eyes and just enjoys the feeling of utter security.

 

“I like when you let me hold you close like this.” Kara says quietly, nuzzling her nose against the skin just under Lena’s ear. “Did I ever tell you that?” she asks.

 

Lena doesn’t react, but then again, Kara hadn’t said it to get a reply either.

 

Lena can feel her eyes sting again, but she doesn’t manage to let more than a single tear slide down. Kara sees it in the corner of her eye and stretches forward, kisses it away.

 

“Don’t cry, Lena.” She says pleadingly, like a lost puppy who doesn’t really knows what to do. Expect she’s doing the exact right thing in Lena’s book.

 

“I just feel so safe.” The words leave Lena’s mouth in a whisper, so light it’s a miracle it doesn’t break.

 

“You’re always safe with me. I will always protect you.” Kara promises as she kisses Lena’s neck again, enjoying the warmth, the softness of the other woman.

 

When Lena closes her eyes this time, the tears begin to fall again. Two silent sobs shakes her body slightly against Kara. She smiles. Even though it’s small, it’s the first genuine smile she has smiled in what seems like the longest time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I decided to break this chapter up anyway, so next chapter will be continuing from here, where they actually sit down and begin talking. Hope this wasn’t too long or weird, I know it might be a bit sad. Let me know what you think :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Announcement!: I got invited to an admission test for a bachelor in Character Animation at The Animation Workshop, which is like the top 16th animation school in the world! It’s really really hard to get in and this is the 2nd year I’m applying, and they only pick like 40 people to go to the test based on their portfolios and only 20 people get in, meaning I now have a 50/50 chance of getting in!! I know it has nothing to do with this story, I’m just really happy and wanted to share it with everyone!!!

Lena’s stays silent, never leaving Kara’s arms as she makes the coffee and hot chocolate. It makes for a funny scene when Lena has to move around to get the cups and the ingredients, but just as Kara is about to let go, Lena puts a reassuring hand on Kara’s arms, holding them in place.

 

Soon Kara is the one practically controlling Lena from behind with her arms as they try and almost fail to move around in the kitchen. Lena laughs when she stumbles in Kara’s grip, laughs when Kara tickles her neck with smiling kisses, refusing to stop even when Lena accidentally jabs her shoulder into Kara’s jaw.

 

"I'm lucky you’re made of steel. I think I might have accidentally broken your jaw otherwise.” Lena laughs as Kara continues her kissing assault.

 

“Hm. You’re very lucky.” Kara mumbles against her neck. Squirming and squealing some more, Lena manages to turn around in Kara’s arms and places her arms around her neck, kissing her deeply.

 

“I know.” She says. She’s laughing and crying and is suddenly getting very turned on in her overly sensitive state. She’s a complete emotional mess, head light and heavy and mushy. But it doesn’t matter. Because Kara doesn’t care and she doesn’t care. Kara dips her down, and Lena laughs as she leans back into the protective arms of Supergirl, knowing that she would never let her go.

 

“I think I finally found my Kryptonite.” Lena murmurs against Kara’s lips as they stand up, kissing teasingly and holding each other impossibly close.

 

“Yeah?” Kara whispers, only half-listening, occupied with the way Lena’s hands are moving on her body. “What is it?” she asks curiously, as her tongue sticks out to meet Lena’s tongue in a power play.

 

“Your lips.” Lena whispers seductively as one hand tugs at Kara’s hair and the other one gently caresses her cheek.

 

It’s sappy and it’s cheesy but it’s honest and true and feels like everything instead of nothing. It makes Kara’s heart flutter, makes her lean closer, kiss Lena deeper, kiss her with purpose as her hands tighten in the fabric of Lena’s clothes.

 

“God I’ve missed you.” Lena whimpers in her overly emotional state as lets her hand go down to Kara’s waist, experimentally dipping her fingers under Kara’s blouse. But then it seems like Kara begins to pull back again, her kisses slowing down, her body slowing its pace.

 

“Then why do you leave?” Kara asks between whisper-like kisses. Her voice is small and broken, like she’s trying to piece together a puzzle that just doesn’t make any sense.

 

Lena freezes. Stiffens. Then she breathes out and sighs, pulls back. A new tear falls from her eye as she ruffles her still damp hair lazily. The tear is cold this time, in contrast to the others. Bitter.

 

“Why don’t we get the coffee and the cocoa and sit down?” Lena doesn’t wait for a reply as she picks up the otherwise forgotten cups, handing one of them to Kara as she kisses her a last time, taking her hand softly and leading her over to the giant couch.

 

“You have a seriously big apartment; did I ever tell you that?” Kara muses, looking around in amazement.

 

Lena giggles.

 

“Well, I do come from money. I am a Luthor after all.” Her tone was a mixture of amusement and bitterness. Kara reaches out and pulls Lena closer to her and kisses her neck again, making Lena yelp in surprise, just barely managing to balance her coffee.

 

“You say that like it’s a bad thing. I know you’re not like the rest of your family. You’re way kinder and sweeter and hotter, and has yet to try to kill me, which is a quality I think everybody should look for in a girl.” Kara tone is sweet and cute and it makes Lena laugh in happiness. She squeals as Kara tries to pull her closer still, kissing her.

 

“Stop that!” she laughs, struggling out of the grip. “You’re going to make my coffee spill.” She turns around and gives Kara a faux stern look, raising her finger in warning. She can’t stop her smile from seeping through though, calling her bluff for her.

 

“Oh, please.” Kara rolls her eyes, leaning down to kiss Lena’s cheek. “I don’t see you complaining.” She teases, kissing Lena on the lips this time. When she moves back down she stops just before reaching Lena’s lips, waiting for the other woman to move forward. Every time she does though, Kara keeps moving back, just out of reach. She laughs as Lena whimpers in frustration, pulling away completely.

 

“See?” Kara says. “Two people can play that game.” She winks at Lena who merely rolls her eyes in return.

 

“Have I ever told you how insufferable you are?” Lena says, bumping her hip against Kara’s as they keep moving.

 

“Hey! You know you love me!” Kara laughs as she winks at Lena, forcing a smile and blush out of the other woman.

 

“Shut up.” She merely says, rolling her eyes at Kara as she sits them down.

 

Love. Yes, Lena thinks. Right now, in this moment, she truly does love Kara. More than she could ever describe. She doesn’t say that though. She decides that if she’s going to bare herself completely to Kara, she at least wants this one little secret to be her own, just for a little while longer.

 

It's clear to feel the shift in the air when they finally sit down, placing their cups on the glass table. Kara looks around the room, taking everything in while Lena merely looks down her lap, playing with her fingers.

 

Lena’s heart is beating harder now. A couple of tears escapes her again. She wants to curse herself, but she feels like it’s a bit too late to do that now. As soon as the first couple of tears had begun falling, it seems like the gate just opened up, refusing to close again. She knows it’s only a temporary thing, that it will stop again when she gets back her energy. She just have to accept that she can’t control her emotions right now. She feels sort of forced to accept it. Every time she tries to get herself back in control, she can feel a headache slowly creeping up, making her head and eyes hurt as her heart and throat clenches. At the end she gives up, knowing that it would only hurt her and Kara if she tried to that nothing happened.

 

Instead, she curls up in the corner of the couch, hugging her legs as she moves away from Kara. She doesn’t remember the last time she felt this vulnerable. Doesn’t remember if she’s ever felt like so much was at stake before. She can’t lose Kara.

 

“I’m scared.” She says, looking away from Kara. Even when she feels Kara’s hand on top of her knee, she can’t bear to look at Kara, scared to look her in the eye. Kara’s hand stays there as Kara looks at Lena.

 

This is the first time she has ever seen Lena this small and fragile. She waits patiently, until it becomes clear that Lena isn’t going to offer more right now, isn’t going to look at her.

 

“You know the ‘S’ on my chest?” Kara asks instead after a while. Lena looks down at her own lap for a second, nods curtly.

 

“Your family crest.”

 

“Yes, but it’s more than that,” Kara continues, “it’s also a Kryptonian phrase. El mayarah. It’s our family motto. It means ‘stronger together’.” Kara takes one of Lena’s cold hands in her own, intertwining their fingers. “Back on Krypton, we were taught that asking for help is something honorable, not something to be ashamed of. We took great honor in helping each other, because we knew that we are all stronger together instead of being alone.” She hesitates before continuing. “It seems like you’ve done things by yourself for so long. And I admire your ability to stand up for yourself and for what’s right, but you don’t have to do that with me. You don’t have to pretend. You don’t have to be scared, because I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.”

 

This time Lena shifts, moves closer as she buries her face in Kara’s chest, snuggling close to her.

 

“When I was a child, I was always expected to know everything from the beginning. There was never any learning curve. I was taught that being vulnerable was a sign of weakness. And a Luthor wasn’t weak. I learned to carry my head with pride, to be as harsh to myself as possible, if it meant I would do better next time. I learned to never cry in front of people, never complain to my family. I was so proud.”

 

Lena pauses, looks to the window.

 

“And then suddenly everything just fell apart and my illusion shattered. I watched my mom packing Lex’s stuff in his room as if he was merely going away on a business trip, after she had watched her own son be dragged away by the police. It was horrible. That was the day I swore things had to change. That I would take over L-Corp and make it something good. I knew that wasn’t the life I wanted to live.”

 

She pauses. Kara leans down to kiss the top of Lena’s head. Lena squeezes her eyes shut, hoping the tears won’t return anymore, but of course they do. She can feel her throat closing, feel the rising of emotions within her. She knows that it’s going to be hard to control her own voice if she continues much longer. And if there’s one thing Lena hates more than crying in front of people, it’s when she can’t control her voice when speaking. It seems almost stupid in comparison, but having that one last bit of control over herself is vital to her. She always clings onto it for dear life. Because if she can’t stop the tears, at least she can still talk in a calm and collected manner. But the way her throat is tightening, she knows it’s a gamble when she opens her mouth again.

 

“It’s easy; sharing my story.” She breathes out, manages to collect herself somewhat again. Her eyes begins to turn cold as stone and her voice drops in bitterness; in truth. She squints her eyes and looks straight ahead in contemplation. “There comes a point when it becomes nothing more than memorized facts. I’ve shared my story more times than I can count, both involuntary through sleazy magazines and high-end well-written news articles in respected papers on national level, but also voluntary, in hopes of inspiring other people to stand up for what they’re passionate about, when they want. To try and convince myself that I have done good, when the people closest to me have always told me otherwise.

 

 

“But sharing my story with you…” she looks at her hands, fumbles her fingers. Her eyes are welling up with tears. She opens and closes her mouth a couple of times, running the same phrases over and over inside her head, knowing exactly the words she wants to use, yet unable to get them out. She lets out an amused and heavy sigh, gently shaking her head and smiling ironically at her own foolishness.

 

“Shh. It’s okay.” Kara says, twisting them around so Kara is lying down on the couch with Lena spread out on top of her, head on her chest. She leans down and kisses the top of Lena’s head, picks her hand up to run through Lena’s impossible soft, drying hair. Lena clenches her jaw and squeezes her eyes hard.

 

“I’ve spend my whole life keeping my head high and proud.” Lena pauses as she speak through her tears, trying to regain control over a now breaking voice. “I’ve done all the things I was supposed to do, been the person everybody wanted me to be. Because every time I’ve tried to share my story, my real story, my real feelings, my real thoughts with the people I’ve cared about the most, they’ve all shut me out and shot me down.”

 

Kara tightens her grip protectively.

 

“The people I thought would be there, no matter what, suddenly disappeared as soon they caught rumor that I might have baggage with me. And I just…” Lena’s full on crying now, her voice turning into a pained whimper. “I just don’t want that to happen again.” She confesses as Kara holds her closer, whispering comforting murmurs. “I care about you too much.” She sobs as Kara sits them up, throws her arms fully around Lena. “I just can’t bear for you to see me this way, because I can’t bear the thought of losing you.” She cries.

 

“Hey, hey.” Kara tries to shush, but Lena continues.

 

“It would break my heart knowing that I was the reason I lost you.” Her sobs turns almost violent again as she clings to Kara. “I just can’t bear the thought of not having you, because I know I don’t deserve you. You have all these amazing friends and family, I don’t understand how you could ever care for someone like me. And I don’t want to be pushy and I want to give you space and time to be with your family, because I know that’s important for you, but that’s really hard for me. I never had many people around me, I don’t know how to act or what to say, because these people mean something to you, and I’m a Luthor dating a Super.” She breathes out, tries to relax again. “I’m a Luthor, completely devoted to a Super… This is the first time I’ve ever been devoted to anybody…” the last part comes out as almost a whisper, and Kara isn’t completely sure if it was said to her or to herself. “It hurts.” She adds in a pained voice.

 

Kara moves her head back, takes Lena’s chin between her fingers, as she looks her in the eyes, keeping her gaze there.

 

“It doesn’t have to.” She says gently, before she hesitantly leans down to place a gentle kiss on Lena’s lips.

 

Lena feels her stomach flutter, sending a shiver through her whole body as Kara kisses her softly. It feels like a first kiss should feel like. Two anxious people coming together in a moment of shared want and need, each of them acutely aware that this is it. This is the moment. Both of them pulling down their walls in order to meet as one for just the shortest period of time. Both of them disappearing in their own little shared bubble, just the two of them. Lena isn’t sure a kiss has ever felt like this. Like time stands still. She thinks she’s more aware of Kara now than she has ever been before. She thinks this is the first time she’s ever truly put down her walls.

 

She feels like she’s holding her breath as Kara kisses her, holds her.

 

“Is this how it’s supposed to feel?” she asks in a whisper. Her head feels blank and lost, overcome with everything that’s Kara, as she kisses her lips, her face, her tears, her neck. The softness of the press of lips against her too warm skin makes Lena’s heart flutter, makes tears roll down in relief as she simply lets go.

 

“You mean so much to me Lena.” Kara whispers between kisses, her eyes fluttered close, completely gone in the feeling of warm and pale skin under her lips, so soft, so fragile, like velvet. “I can’t bear the thought of losing you. I keep feeling you slip away from me, and I don’t know what to do or what to say to make you realize that I’m not going to leave you. That you can’t scare me away.”

 

Lena feels her breath catch at the words, leans back a second in order to put Kara’s face in her hands and kiss her, harder this time, properly. A kiss filled with promise, with presence. It wasn’t the first time Kara had said something like that, not the first time she had expressed her concerns or her feelings, but this is the first time Lena listen and heard her words, felt them deep in her bones. Kara wasn’t going anywhere.

 

Kara isn’t going anywhere.

 

Kara is going to stay.

 

It fills her up with love and joy and she keeps kissing Kara harder and harder, presses her back down on the couch, her hand playing with the hem of Kara’s shirt. Breathes out when she feels the warm skin under her cold fingers. Her longing to get closer to Kara is unbearable now. She feels hesitant though. This is the first time she’s ever felt so vulnerable and she doesn’t want to overstep any boundaries.

 

Making a decision, she lets her hand slip completely under Kara’s shirt and run up the length of her back as her own back arches, presses flat against Kara’s front. Kara moans softly as she tangles her hand in Lena’s hair.

 

“I don’t want to stop.” Kara breathes out, completely lost and in way too deep.

 

Lena kisses her harder, tangles their tongues, brings her other hand up to squeeze Kara’s breast through her bra and shirt. It makes Kara whimper and press harder against Lena. Lena feels herself hesitate again though, feels herself pause with insecurity as her heart beats faster and a tear or two falls again.

 

It isn’t like she hasn’t been with Kara before. She has. She has seen every inch of the other woman’s skin, has heard her whimper and wither beneath her touch many times. But this was different. This time Lena has all these feelings involved, this time she feels naked and scared, this time they have all this history together that means that this time matter. She wants to make this time count. She had had all these plans in her head of romantic dinners and a bedroom filled with rose leaves and candles, sexy lingerie. She hadn’t planned on this happening after an emotional breakdown on her couch, filled with tears and in her laziest clothes.

 

But it felt right. Felt good. Felt amazing, being here with Kara. It feels like the perfect moment, because this isn’t some grand fantasy, this is just her and Kara being together, walls finally down.

 

“I want to make love to you.” Lena whispers in Kara’s ear. Immediately she feels Kara nod eagerly, too gone to talk. Lena all but laughs at how turned on she is. Both her hands go down to the hem of Kara’s shirt, intend on removing it, when Kara’s hands come down to stop her as Kara stiffens.

 

“Wait!” she says gently, pulling away again to look Lena concerned in the eyes.

 

“What’s wrong?” Lena asks, her heart beating faster again. “Am I going too fast? Do you not want this?” Lena searches Kara’s eyes desperately. Maybe she did overstep after all.

 

“No, no, it’s not that.” Kara sooths, running her hands up and down Lena’s arms. “It’s just… You had all of these plans and stuff about wanting to make this something special.” Kara’s mouth opens and closes as she hesitates, before continuing. “I just don’t want you to feel like you have to do this because of me. I want us to go as slow as you need, I don’t want to rush anything.”

 

Lena smiles, feels her heart sore with love.

 

“Don’t worry, love. I’m doing this because _I_ want to, not because I feel _obligated_ to.” She leans down, closer, kisses Kara intently, proving her point. “Because I want to see you.” She says, finally pulling Kara’s shirt over her head, exposing her naked torso, save for a simple baby blue bra. “Because I want to kiss you.” Lena leans down, kisses Kara’s neck, biting gently down, making Kara moan. “Because I want to feel you.” She runs her hand over Kara’s stomach, running her nails down the tight muscles. “Because I want to make you feel good.” She reached behind Kara, snapping her bra off with one swift move of one of her hands, before she leans down, placing her mouth over the right breast eagerly, flicking her tongue over the hard nipple as she squeezed the other with her hand.

 

“Oh.” Kara says, arching her back into the touch, making Lena chuckle victoriously.

 

"As long,” Kara struggles with her words, “As it’s because _you_ want to.” Lena isn’t sure if Kara truly means what she’s saying in the moment as Lena runs her hands up and down Kara’s side, but Lena doesn’t doubt that the blonde wouldn’t blame her if she were to stop right now, no matter how turned on she was. Lena doesn’t stop though, doesn’t want to.

 

It’s the weird feeling, Lena thinks, as she caresses Kara’s skin and nuzzle her cheek against Kara’s now wet breast before she moves over to place gentle kisses on the other one. Being intimate together. In so many ways it feels like finally coming home again, like she can finally begin to breathe again, yet it also washes her over with memories of everything from before. Memories of nails scratching, hair pulling, fingers moving hard, fast and greedily. It almost leaves her with a lump in her throat, thinking about how rough she had been with something so delicate.

 

“Did I ever tell you how much I like your body?” Lena asks as she moves to kiss her gently on her neck. She used to be disappointed that she couldn’t leave a mark, couldn’t brand Supergirl as her property, but now she can’t help but to think how foolish and thoughtless she had been. She didn’t want to own Kara, Kara was her own person. That was one of things she admired the most about the woman of steel.

 

“You’re so incredibly beautiful.” She continues to sooth, kissing Kara’s jaw as her hands move down her hips, slowly pulling the fabric of the pants down with her.

 

“It amazes me how something so soft can be so tough and strong at the same time.” She kisses the shell of Kara’s ear, kisses her cheek, as she keeps pushing Kara’s pants further down. Sitting up, she makes a show of slowly pulling her own sweater over her head, her breasts falling freely down, having not had a bra on. Still looking Kara in the eyes, she pushes herself up to pull down her sweat pants and underwear.

 

Kara can’t help the small gasp that escapes her at the beauty before her as she moves her legs out from under Lena’s legs in order to quickly remove her own pants and underwear, struggling awkwardly for half a second. Lena laughs freely at Kara in her hurry. Kara blushes, feeling more self-aware in her nakedness.

 

“See something you like Supergirl?” Lena asks smugly, looking down at the sitting Kara while she’s still standing on her knees.

 

In a surprise move, Kara grabs Lena by the back of her thighs and pulls her close, her face right in front of Lena’s full breasts as Lena sits down on her knees, her legs on either side of Kara’s body. She’s sure Kara can feel her wetness touching the other woman’s thigh.

 

“Oh!” Lena says as she laughs.

 

“You could say so.” Kara answers smugly, leaning forward to kiss Lena’s breasts.

 

Lena’s moan quickly turns into a squeal when Kara moves her arms to the back of Lena’s thighs and holsters her up as she begins to stand up. Lena quickly wraps her legs around Kara’s hips as her arms flails around her neck.

 

“What are you doing!” she laughs as Kara stands up.

 

“Well, maybe it’s okay for you if our first time since getting together is on an couch, but I specifically remember someone wanting something special. I thought the least I can do is to make sure it’s at least some place more comfortable.”

 

Lena laughs happily as Kara begins kissing and sucking on her neck as she stumbles forward.

 

“My hero.” Lena says, laughing more when she feels her back colliding gently with the wall on their way, Kara having a hard time multitasking.

 

When her back finally touches the softness of her madras, Lena can’t help thinking Kara had made the right choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter suddenly became very long. I may continue on in the next chapter. I’m sorry it’s so late out though, this was surprisingly difficult to write at times. I’ll see if I can’t get another chapter done this weekend, especially since I’ll be in Paris from Wednesday to Monday and won’t bring my laptop to write, simply because it’s too big to carry around. Let me know what you think though! :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh, have I ever told you how amazing you guys are?? Thank you so much for all your support and congratulations and comments and compliments!! It means the world to me!! Seriously!!! :DD

Lena doesn’t think she has ever been as wet before as when Kara touches her and tastes her that afternoon. Doesn’t think an orgasm has ever been that intense as it washes over her in wave after wave. Doesn’t think anything has ever been this intense. She cries as she comes, lets tears fall down slowly, silently. Before she even has time to come back to earth, Kara is up by her side again, kissing her tears away, whispering soothing words as her hand slows it’s movement inside of her, not leaving her warmth completely for a small while, staying still inside of her. It makes Lena feel complete somehow, and a part of her can’t help but mourn the loss as Kara untangles herself.

 

Kara is just about to get up from the bed again, when Lena surprises them both by stopping her. Pulls her back down and snuggles close to her, lays her head on Kara’s chest.

 

“Don’t go.” She complains. “Stay with me.”

 

Kara can’t help the gentle laugh that escapes her as she wraps her arms around Lena and pulls the blanket halfway up over their naked bodies.

 

“I didn’t peg you as a cuddler?” Kara says in amusement. This is the first time Lena has actually snuggled up close to Kara at free will after having sex. Usually she would just get up again, get dressed and return to her desk, expecting Kara to give her goodbyes before leaving. Kara didn’t know why she thought it would be the same this time though.

 

“Most people wouldn’t." Lena says. "I didn’t think I would be either. Never have been before. I don’t know… This just feels…” Lena pauses, searches for her words. “Different…” she says, “Feels right.” She ends, drawing lazy patterns on Kara’s forearm, snuggles the side of her face against the naked skin between her breasts.

 

"I'm happy.” Kara smiles, one of those eye reaching smiles that makes Lena’s whole body melt.

 

“Good.” Lena replies, kissing her chest plate. Kara cringles her nose adorably and giggles, making Lena tighten her grip around the other woman.

 

They lay like that for a while, Lena listening to the steady beats of Kara’s heart as Kara plays lazily with Lena’s hair, sometimes reaching down further to stroke her arm and back gently.

 

After some time, Lena can hear Kara breathe out heavily, before she chuckles, a secret chuckle, as if she knows something that Lena doesn’t.

 

“What?” Lena asks, turning her head lazily so her chin rests sharply where her cheek was just a moment before. She frowns slightly but smiles anyway, enjoying Kara’s joy.

 

“I’m just so happy!” she exclaims. It’s barely above a whisper, yet it’s filled with so much wonder and amazement that Lena can’t help her own smile spreading just by hearing it. She lifts her head for a moment to look at Kara. Her smile is so warm and genuine, Lena doesn’t know how she was ever able to live without it. Smiling back, she shifts closer, lays besides Kara’s neck and kisses it gingerly.

 

“Because I want to cuddle?” Lena laughs.

 

“Yes!” she exclaims. “No!” she changes after a second, laughing happily. “Because everything. I never thought it was actually possible to be lying here next to you, naked, holding you. I was beginning to give up hope that you would ever put down any of your walls and let me in.”

 

Kara laughs some more to herself before she swallows harshly. It isn’t until then that Lena registers that something’s wrong. Leaning back with a frown she sees Kara beginning to convulse with small sobs as she bites her lip. Her face is red and tears are slowly running down the side of her face.

 

“Hey.” Lena soothes, bringing a hand up to brush the tears away. She looks at Kara concerned, as Kara smiles gently up at her, her eyebrows almost quivering. “What’s wrong?” Lena asks as she stiffens. She isn’t really used to this, used to having to comfort someone else. She doesn’t really know what to do or how to act. Doesn’t even know what the problem is or what triggered it. Thinking back on what Kara had done when she was crying earlier, she quickly leans down and kisses the side of Kara’s nose, close to her eye, before moving back to inspect if it has made any change.

 

Kara can’t help but to laugh wholeheartedly through the tears at the move as she looks up at Lena’s concerned frown. Smiling friendly, honestly, she runs her hands up and down Lena’s arms as she lets out a sigh.

 

“I just…” she pauses, searches for the right words. “I think this whole thing has really taken a toll on me. You know? It’s been so hard… feeling like I was just standing on the side line, not having any control over anything that was going on. I just…” she hesitates, feeling her nervousness rise. “I love you.” She says, finally.

 

Lena feels her whole being pause, feels a panic rise in her as she hears the words. Kara loves her. Love. One of the scariest and most vulnerable things in life. That one absolutely devoting thing that Lena has avoided at all cost. The one most terrifying thing. Her heart beats faster as she decides to shut up and just listen.

 

“So much.” Kara continues. “It scares me sometimes. And I know I’m supposed to be cool and calm and collected. I'm supposed to be Supergirl, flying around and saving the world, always the hero. But I love you and I want you so much. I think a part of me fell for you the first time I met you. But it’s been so hard, never knowing what went on in your head, never knowing what you were thinking or feeling. Because sometimes you’re all that I think about. And it hurt me so much when you began sleeping with Supergirl and not me. It hurt me so much when even after that, after our talk, you refused to touch me beyond simple kisses, refused to be around my friends and family. It hurt me because you never came with any explanation. You never told me what was wrong, just left me alone with my own thoughts and an imagination running wild. And I have a crazy imagination, you know that! I’ve been so stressed out of my mind constantly. I keep on flying into walls by accident and then hitting walls with my fists in pure frustration. I can't imagine what the people standing on the side must have thought. It’s a pure miracle that the press hasn’t caught on to my focus problems.”

 

Lena feels bad. Indescribably bad. Just the pure thought of how much could have gone wrong, how much Kara could have been hurt is enough to make her stomach turn in horror.

 

“I love you. And I wanted to be there. I wanted to be the one to break down your walls. I wanted to be the one person you could trust when the whole world seemed against you, because I know how unfair the world has been to you. I wanted to be your place of comfort. But I can’t do that when you push me away and refuses to share. I’ve just been so exhausted, wondering if I would ever get to see this side of you or if it was all just a hopeless waste of time. If I should just give up.” Kara cries as she says the last sentence, her voice also showing emotions now.

 

“But I just couldn’t bear the thought of giving up. I couldn’t bear the thought of not having you in my life. You’re the person who brings the light in my life when everything feels dark. Your arms are the only place I ever want to be. Your smile makes all my worries fade away. You’re always so smart and clever and somehow always has the right solution, always knows how to make me feel better with nothing more than the smallest smile. But I can’t do this alone. I can’t be the only person making the sacrifices. I can’t bear this relationship for the both of us and I can’t do this half-way. I need to know that you’re in this too. Otherwise it’s too hard. And I’m just so tired of feeling like I’m doing this alone.”

 

She cries softly as Lena untangles herself from Kara and opens her arms, inviting Kara to curl up against her, which she immediately does without question, desperate fror the warmth and validation it brings.

 

“I was scared of you.” Lena admits after having held Kara for a while. “I’ve never been good with emotions. Never been good with feelings. I knew I liked you the moment I met you. But I’m not good with emotions. Don’t know what to do, don’t know what to say. Too scared of being hurt or looking stupid. Too proud to admit that I was attracted to you. Too scared of losing your friendship.”

 

Lena feels more calm this time as she holds Kara in her arms. Feels like she’s somehow more in control this time, that her words can actually matter this time.

 

"Might as well be honest, I was completely petrified! Mortified!” Lena grimaces as Kara smiles, enjoying listening to Lena speak. “I thought it was absolutely impossible. I was scared of growing attached to you, all the while I was so drawn to you I couldn’t bear the thought of not having you. So I kissed Supergirl instead.”

 

Lena pauses, feels the mood darken significantly. She lets it, this time. Doesn’t run away from it. Embraces it.

 

“It’s not something I’m proud of.” She adds before she continues. “I knew you deserved better. I felt absolutely sick with myself. But then you came back and kissed me again, and I just couldn’t stop. I told myself that if I just hid my emotions, if I made it be only about sex and nothing more, then it would be okay. I couldn’t bear to try to actually talk to Supergirl or try to spend time with Supergirl, because Supergirl was still sweet and kind hearted Kara Danvers, I couldn’t live with myself knowing that I had used you so clearly. Knowing I played you. I felt sick to my stomach, spent nights crying myself to sleep in agony. But then you kept coming back, time after time and every time you kissed me it was like everything else disappeared, and I forgot about any plans or thoughts I might have had earlier.”

 

Kara is sobbing again as Lena holds her, soothes her the best she can.

 

“I hated every minute of it, because I knew how much it hurt you. And then when Kara started being too busy to see me, I thought you had been so disgusted with the way I was once you got to know me, that you wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore. I know I treated you horribly as Supergirl. There’s not a minute that goes by where I don’t regret it and wish I could take it back. I was so cold and calculated, so harsh and dominating.” She makes sure to put extra pressure on all the adjectives. “I tried to justify it by telling myself that it was okay because I was only sleeping with you. It was only sex. I still had my friendship with Kara where I tried to be kind and sweet. If I remained cold towards Supergirl, it must mean that I didn’t emotionally cheat on Kara. Then maybe Supergirl wouldn’t get any feelings involved in it, and I could have my friendship with Kara be untouched. It’s stupid, and I know it doesn’t work that way. I just felt too guilty, whenever Supergirl tried to get close to me. Because I was already close to you. I didn’t want that from Supergirl, because I knew I was using you and it felt horrible.”

 

Lena stops for a moment to soothe Kara again as she cries, lets all of her emotions wash over her, all the fatigue that has caught up with her since this whole thing began. All the emotions she never got to process because she was too caught up with how Lena was feeling and thinking.

 

“Even after the cat was out of the bag, I was still petrified. Because I love you too.”

 

Kara squeezed her eyes shut tight and breathes out heavily as Lena says it. Lets go of some of the tension that had built up inside of her.

 

“And I didn’t know how to handle it. I wanted to please you, to show you that I could do this right, even though I was absolutely panicked and had no clue what I was doing. It just became too hard to fake. Too hard to keep you from finding out all the baggage I had with me, all the issues I knew you would run away from. So I pushed you away instead.”

 

“I would have stayed.” Kara says as Lena finishes. Her voice is broken and crumbled and she barely makes it through the tears, but it’s there, clear as day. “I would have said yes if you had asked me out. I would have understood and been patient. You didn’t need to kiss Supergirl or sleep with her. You didn’t need to use me like that.”

 

That’s all it takes for Lena to begin crying again, the guilt eating at her again. God, what a mess, she thinks.

 

“I know.” She replies through tears, tightening her grip on Kara. “And I can’t begin to describe how sick I feel with myself. How much I hate myself for treating you like that when you deserve so much more.”

 

“I don’t want you to hate yourself, Lena. Just… don’t do that to me again. Please, just talk to me instead. Even if I don’t understand or don’t get it right, I’m still not going anywhere.”

 

“I know.” Lena replies quickly, needing to reassure Kara right away. “I promise.” She says. She kisses the top of Kara’s head over and over again.

 

“I promise.” She says between each kiss.

 

“I promise it won’t ever happen again.”

 

They lose track of time as they lay like that, Kara crying out all her pain and worry as Lena simply holds her and kisses her, crying at the pain she had caused in the woman that means the most to her in the world. Even though it hurts and she hates this more than anything else, lying there crying together, she also knows that this is the only way towards healing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can’t believe I’ve spend 3 chapters on one day, lol. Think it was necessary though. Looks like Lena wasn't the only one reaching her breaking point. I’m going to end the day in the next chapter, I promise. Let me know what you think! :)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I was in Paris, and I am, but I decided to bring my laptop anyway, despite my better judgement... Anyways, I feel bad that I can't update as much as in the beginning of the story, so have this one chapter.

They ended up staying at Lena’s place. Lena surprised them both by ordering pizza and soda while Kara was in the shower. She was simply too emotionally exhausted to even begin to care about eating healthily, and both of them were practically starving since they hadn’t eaten anything since they first arrived. Lena even had to throw out the coffee and cocoa, since they had both forgotten everything about them a long time ago.

 

Lena had offered that Kara could go home again if she wanted to. She knew that she had had plans with Alex that evening.

 

“I don’t want to be the reason you cancel your plans with your sister.” She stated as she put her hands lovingly on Kara’s chest. “We had our long, emotional conversation, cried our hearts out.” She shook her head dramatically as she spoke, making Kara chuckle. “I love you, Kara. You don’t need to prove anything to me. I promise I’ll still be here in the morning.”

 

She leaned in and kissed Kara gently.

 

“I know that. I love you too. But I haven’t seen you in what feels like weeks, and I’m really tired and just want to snuggle with you on the couch.” She pouted, making Lena smile and kiss her again, her heart fluttering with the love she felt.

 

“Okay. Why don’t you go and take a shower while I order something to eat? I know you’re probably hungry by now.”

 

Kara let out a revealed and exaggerated breath, making Lena laugh.

 

“Rao, I wasn’t going to say anything because we’ve been having this really long and serious conversation, and then there was all the mind blowing sex, and I really didn’t want to ruin the mood, but I’m completely starved! Not exaggerating!” Kara stated with a new pout, making Lena laugh even more.

 

“I figured that much.” She said, kissing Kara again. “Go get clean, I’ll make sure to get you some food.”

 

Kissing Kara a final time, she moved away.

 

“Hey, Lena?” Kara called after a second, making Lena turn around again.

 

“Hm?”

 

“No kale this time.”

 

Lena laughed.

 

“Okay.” She agreed.

 

When Kara stepped out from the shower again, she felt a whole lot better. Being the woman of steel unfortunately didn’t make her immune to emotional exhaustion. The shower gave her some of her energy back though.

 

“Your shower is the most amazing thing ever!” she said when she went back to join Lena in the living room again. Lena laughed, motioned Kara to join her on the couch.

 

“What, you don’t have a food massage in your shower?” she teased.

 

“Foot massage?! There’s that too?! I was talking about the water massage thingies on the walls! Your bathroom looks more like a spa than a bathroom! I was half expecting some sort of masseuse to come out from a hidden door or something! I think your bathroom is bigger that my whole living room, including the kitchen!”

 

Lena laughed.

 

“Well, I do come from money, you know that. I'm the CEO of multibillion dollar company, I am expected to live in some sort of luxury. I can easily afford it. But if you think this is bad, you should take a look at my parents’ house. We had all types of staff, maids, kitchen staff with private chefs, butlers, chauffeurs.”

 

“Do you have any staff now?” Kara asked, suddenly very curious.

 

“I have a cleaning lady coming here once a week and a private chef I can call from time to time, but it’s not very often, usually only if I have people coming over for a business meeting or something. I usually get my assistant to fetch me something at work. I didn’t really want something so big and extravagant, when I was looking for places here, I don’t really need it, I’m only one person, but my mother insisted that it would show poorly if I didn’t move in to something like this. I’m supposed to be living in wealth, wouldn’t want people thinking otherwise.”

 

She rolled her eyes, but smiled anyway.

 

“I didn’t put up much of a fight, to be honest. It wasn’t worth the arguing. And it is rather nice, don’t you think?”

 

“It’s crazy big! It makes sense though! I suddenly get why money gets to peoples heads! If I knew you lived like this, I would have begun seeing you a lot sooner, only to get to your shower!”

 

Lena laughed again, enjoying Kara’s enthusiasm.

 

“I thought you began seeing me for the, how did you put it, ‘mind blowing sex’?” Lena raised her eyebrow teasingly, an evil smirk forming on her lips as Kara blushed and stammered.

 

“I mean, well...” Kara suddenly found it a lot harder to get her words to work. Taking mercy on Kara, Lena laughed and kissed Kara, effectively shutting her up.

 

“I like your place better though.” Lena said.

 

“You enjoy the crammed shower and noisy neighbors?” Kara asked and Lena rolled her eyes and swatted her arm with her hand.

 

“That’s not what I meant. I just think your apartment has a lot more personality to it. It’s just so you in every single way. I like that. I like you.”

 

“Oh yeah?” Kara raised her eyebrows suggestively and smiled widely, making Lena’s eyes roll once again.

 

“Darling, I know you’re trying to be smooth, but you really need to work on that some more if you don’t want to look like a complete dork.”

 

“Hey!” Kara fake complained.

 

“You’re my dork, though.” Lena stated, making Kara smile even more. She kissed Kara shortly, enjoying watching the goofy grin grow on the other woman. “Now, how about we stop talking and find a movie on Netflix to relax to? I’ll even let you decide what to watch, I’m just really spend by now.”

 

Kara chuckled, making Lena raise her eyebrow in confusion.

 

“What?” she asked.

 

“Did you just ask me to Netflix and chill?” Kara asked, laughing as Lena blushed.

 

“That wasn’t really what I meant, but is that an offer?” Lena teased back, turning the tables once more.

 

“How about we just start with a movie instead? As much as I love our amazing love-making-“ Kara kissed Lena again to prove her point. “I’m just as wasted as you are and could really use a sappy romantic movie and a snuggle partner.”

 

“Now that's an offer I like.” Lena said, picking up the remotes before inviting Kara to lie in her arms as they waited for the pizzas to arrive.

 

They ended up falling asleep midway through the movie, surrounded by empty pizza boxes and soda bottles. Lena didn’t wake up until at least 20 min. after the credits had rolled to find a peacefully sleeping, heavy Kara on top of her. Gently waking the blonde up, she coached the still half-sleeping Supergirl into her bedroom where they stripped out of their clothes before they fell asleep comfortably and secure in each other’s arms.

 

Lena doesn’t think she has ever seen a sight so beautiful as when she wakes up to a semi-naked Kara sleeping peacefully in her bed, her golden curls sprawled out on the white pillow, like a halo, her flawless skin glowing in the soft light from the window while her chest rises and falls peacefully while a light snore.

 

She lays still for a while, content on watching Kara sleeping, so peacefully, like an angel. Sleeping in her bed. In _her_ bed, the bed belonging to _her_. It makes Lena smile, fills her with warmth as she remembers their conversation the previous day. Kara loves her. Truly, actually loves her.

 

She kisses Kara softly on the forehead, careful not to wake her up, before getting out of bed. She steps lightly on her feet, as silently as possible as she grabs a large t-shirt and some clean underwear with her, heading straight for the bathroom.

 

She takes her time in the kitchen, enjoying the quiet. As much as Lena loves being social and have people to talk to, have friends, she also really enjoys her alone time. It feels like she can finally recharge again, finally feels like she can get to fill out her skin again. Lena had always found it exhausting to be with people for longer periods of time, especially if she was a part of a bigger group. There was so much mind gaming going on in her family and the upper class, she never really knew who to trust, what to say when and to whom, how to act. Everything had to be thought through all the time, she was never able to just _be_. She wasn’t used to long emotional discussions like this, wasn’t used to having another person to share with.

 

She wasn’t complaining, didn’t want Kara to leave, it just required a lot of thinking on her behalf, trying to figure everything out. She was more than happy to do it though.

 

She’s still waking up as she’s standing over the frying pan. Never was the morning person, no matter what her sometimes crazy schedule required. Her hair is slightly tangled as she scratches the back of her head, yawning. She reaches out to add some salt to the pan as she flips the omelet she’s currently making, before taking her cup of coffee up to her lips to blow on it, the steam spreading out into the room. She smiles. She’s always liked mornings like this, when she had time to relax, sit down with a good breakfast and her coffee, maybe some fresh orange juice, and just flip through the pages of the newspaper, maybe do the crossword and the soduko. Enjoy the bright light from her large windows, the birds singing, the smell of coffee and just morning.

 

She’s lost in her own thoughts as she feels a pair of arms sneaking up on her from behind to rest around her waist as a body presses up against her back, a pair of lips kissing the side of her neck. Unconsciously she leans her head to the side to give more room to the welcomed lips.

 

“Hmm…” Kara sighs, content. “It smells really nice.” She says.

 

“Thank you.” Lena replies, shuffling the omelet on the pan.

 

They stand silently for a while, enjoys just being in each other’s arms without needing any words.

 

“I called CatCo and took a sick day, and called Alex as well to tell her I would be taking a day off.” Kara says.

 

“Oh? No complains?” Lena asks. She knows Alex can be very overprotective of Kara and that she worries a lot about her.

 

“I explained that everything was fine, that I just needed a day with you. She knows we haven’t spoken for close to a week, so she understands. I didn’t tell her about yesterday though, I thought you might want to keep that private.”

 

“Thank you.” Lena says. She knows by now that Kara shares everything with her sister. They’re too close not to. She feels happy on her behalf, that she has someone like that. While she doesn’t enjoy knowing that there is another human being out there who knows about her and how she is behind her business mask, she feels like it’s a fair sacrifice if it means that Kara has someone close enough to trust. She wishes she had that sometimes too.

 

“I don’t know if you heard, but I also told Jess yesterday that you would be taking today off.” Kara is a bit more hesitant when she says this.

 

“I heard.” Lena says.

 

She hesitates too. Normally she would never allow this, being a true workaholic. Every day she stayed away from work meant another day she couldn’t be working on new products to revolutionize the world. Her company meant a lot to her, even if she had originally taken over on behalf of her family and their needs. She justified it by saying that now she would have the means necessary to actually create something on a larger scale that could end up benefitting humankind, instead of working out of a small garage, getting by on family money and fundraising. She enjoyed getting excited about new inventions, even if she hated long business meetings. But now.

 

Now.

 

Now she was happy for the break. Didn’t think she could be more grateful, actually. She had been overworking herself and pushing too hard, overthinking everything for far too long. She felt like she was becoming more and more out of character as everything just built up. She didn’t avoid confrontations normally, but met them head on. This time, with Kara, there had just been so many emotions involved though, so much to lose. And after her breakdown yesterday… She felt weak. Exhausted. In dire need of another day’s break.

 

“Thank you.” Lena adds after a small break. It’s small, stiff, but honest and it’s there.

 

“Of course.” Kara replies. “I would do anything for you. You just have to ask.” Kara tightens her grip around Lena, nuzzles her head against her long, soft hair, as Lena feels her heart flutter.

 

“Actually, I was wondering…” Lena begins hesitantly. She feels her heart begin beating faster, nervously.

 

“Yes. Go on.” Kara says slowly as she nods her head against Lena.

 

“I thought, you know, maybe, only if you want to of course, and you think it’s a good idea. Uhm. I-… I wanted a new chance… To maybe… You know… Maybe get dinner with your sister and her girlfriend?” She stammers, tumbles over her words as she goes, speaking slowly enough to make every word audible.

 

“I mean…” she continues. “I feel like it was a complete disaster last time, and I know she means a lot to you, and I really want to try to give a good impression. I really want to get along with your friends and family, because I know how much it would mean to you, and they genuinely seem like good people. I was just really nervous and completely unprepared last time and I acted like a complete asshole. And have been acting like that ever since. It’s not fair.”

 

Kara pauses, smiles, collects her thoughts.

 

“I would love nothing more.” She says honestly. “Dinner sounds like a good idea though. Maybe at my place? That way you can feel more comfortable. And just Alex and Maggie this time. I want to go as slowly as necessary. I want to do everything at your pace so you don’t feel pushed into doing something that you aren’t for.”

 

Turning around in Kara’s arms, Lena kisses her softly.

 

“Have I ever told you that I love you?” she says.

 

Kara snorts adorably, making Lena laugh before they kiss again.

 

They spent the rest of the day in their own little bubble, stealing food from each other at breakfast, going to the park, flying to the top of the hills to watch the city. Going to the cinema in the evening, where they end up making out like two teenagers on the backroad where no one can see them in the dark. They ended up having sex in the backseat of Lena’s car, to impatient to wait. It was cramped and uncomfortable, and yet it felt exhilarating. They went back to Lena’s place for a round 2 before falling asleep in each other’s arms.

 

Lena didn’t think she had ever had such an amazing day before. It was like nothing but the two of them existed in the world. Like everything just melted away. She didn’t think she had ever been this happy before, completely overwhelmed with love and devoting, completely gone in clear blue eyes and the grandest of smiles, warming up the darkest corners of Lena’s soul, the very corners she thought even she herself wouldn’t be able to reach. It felt like flying. Like happiness was a real thing, just waiting for her to bask in it.

 

The bubble burst though, as she stepped into her office the next morning, only to be greeted by a stern looking Alex, arms crossed and unsmiling.

 

“Luthor.” She said in greeting, squinting her eyes slightly. She was clearly not in a mood for chitchat.

 

“Agent.” Lena replied, matching her tone.

 

Really, she thought, did no one ever knock anymore? This was the second time in a row she was greeted by someone else in _her_ office. The fucking CEO of the company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like Alex is making a debut! Let me know what you think!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to bend my schedule to get this out as quickly as possible.
> 
> I know people have been anxious about Alex. Let her speak out before you judge her too harshly. Give her a chance. She hasn’t really been that present in this fic before, even if her story arch in this type of fics has been overused and abused many times before.

”Please, take a seat.” Lena motioned as she tiredly hung her coat and threw her bag next to her desk.

 

“Thank you.” She heard Alex reply stiffly as Lena got behind her desk, pulled out her chair and sat down so she was now on eye level with Alex. She made sure to keep her back straight and her demeanor professional as she placed her arms on the table. She looked almost regal, in her quietly powerful pose, her big chair and the sun in her back. It was clear that she was sending a signal. If you come her to mess with me, expect nothing less in return. This sort of silent intimidation was what she was raised to perfect.

 

“It’s clear to me that you want to talk, so let’s talk.” Lena said, bitterly. She knew this was Kara's sister. She knew this was the woman she needed to impress. She also knew that she wasn’t about to let anyone step on her.

 

A moment of silence passed as Alex seemed to almost soften a bit.

 

“Kara told me that you want to have dinner, the four of us. Make a fresh start. I figured that it was only appropriate that you and I sat down before.” She said, keeping her cards close to herself.

 

“So is this the part where you either welcome me to the family or tell me to back the fuck off?” Lena asked, raising an eyebrow seriously. It made Alex falter for a moment, stare at her incredulously.

 

“Look, I don’t know who you are.” Alex said after a beat. Her tone was calm, collected. “I don’t know your story or intends. All I know about you is from what Kara tells me and what I’ve glimpsed in the newspapers from time to time. I’ve met you all of one time before, and later on in passing, when you’ve refuse to spend more time together then absolute necessary.” She paused, squinted her eyes for a moment as in deep thought.

 

“It’s not my place to choose who my sister wants to be with. I more than trust her ability to trust people on her own terms. What does make me curious is when a mysterious woman with a shady family name suddenly shows up into my sister’s life and drags her through one of the worst emotional rollercoasters I have seen.”

 

Lena flinched slightly. She knew she had put Kara through hell, regretted it more than anything else.

 

“I’m not here to judge you.” Alex said, completely non-threatening. “I’m not here to drag you through the mud. I can’t do that because I don’t know you. It’s not my place. I’m here to tell you that I’ve seen how hurt she’s been. That I’ve had to be there to hold her while she cried over you. I have also never seen her so in love. And that scares me a bit when I’ve never seen her let herself get hurt so many times by the same person before.”

 

Lena shifted in her chair uncomfortably. Looked down.

 

“I’m not going to tell you to stay away from her. Because I know that would break her heart, and the last thing I want is to see that happen. I’m here because I want to make sure that you won’t end up doing just that.”

 

Lena looked to her in genuine surprise. Alex was silent now, obviously done talking and waiting for a reply as she searched Lena’s eyes. Lena looked away. Looked out the window as she contemplated. Alex wasn’t there to scare her off. Not yet. That was a good sign. That was a good start. She could work with that.

 

“I can’t-…” Lena began, looking down as she considered every word she wanted to put out. “I can’t promise that I won’t break your sister’s heart.” Her words were slow, calculated, clear. “Nobody can promise that. I’m not going to pretend otherwise. I have my share of baggage with me, just like everybody else. What I can promise you, is that it’s neither in my interest nor my wish to break anybody’s heart.” She relaxed more as she looked up, finally meeting Alex’s eyes.

 

“I care deeply for your sister.” Her words were more fluid as she continued. “She means more to me that I can describe. I want to make this work more than anything else. I know I’m not your first pick, and I don’t want to pretend to understand what Kara sees in me, but she has a good and honest heart and deserve the best in this world. I want to do my best to give that to her.”

 

Silence stretched as both of them searched each other’s eyes, slowly coming to an understanding.

 

“Good.” Alex said as she leaned back in her chair, unfolding her arms again. “That’s all I wanted to hear.” She paused as she looked into Lena’s eyes again, as if searching for more answers.

 

“I don’t know you.” She said, curiously. “But I want to. If you’re here to stay, I only want to make this thing work.”

 

“I’m glad we’re on the same page, agent.” Lena leaned back and smiled, amused.

 

“Call me Alex. And while I’m here, why don’t we schedule a date for that dinner? I could imagine running your own company takes up quite some time!” She smirked as she got up and fished out her phone to check the calendar.

 

They made light talk as they found a date, Alex giving Lena tips about Kara and her likes and dislikes, how to make her happy. Lena gladly took all the advice she could get.

 

Lena thanked Alex as she woman was about to leave again.

 

“Just… Don’t break her heart.” Alex replied, breathing out nervously. “I’m trusting you on this one, don’t make me regret it.”

 

Lena paused at the honesty.

 

“I won’t. Don’t worry.”

 

“Good. Now I think we both need to get back to work. I’ll see you later.”

 

And like that, Alex was gone again, leaving Lena to contemplate the conversation that had just happened.

 

She was completely lost in her own bubble when Jess knocked on the door.

 

“What is it?” Lena asked, switching back into business mode.

 

“I’m sorry ma’am, I didn’t know whether to let her in or not. She told me she was here to talk to you, nothing serious, that she just wanted to check in. That she knew you privately. I assumed, after the thing the other day… I don’t know what I assumed ma’am, I apologize.”

 

She was flustered, shifting uncomfortably from leg to leg as she spoke.

 

"It's fine Jess, don't worry about it. A heads up would be greatly appreciated another time though.” Lena gave her a tired smile. A small smile, easy to dismiss but still present.

 

“Of course ma’am, it won’t happen again, I promise!” Jess replied quickly.

 

She stood still though, as silence spread between them. Lingering silently by the door. It was clear to sense that she was contemplating whether she should say anything or not, contemplating whether Lena would offer to say anything or not. It was a mixture between cute and rather annoying, since Lena abhorred having showed the extent of emotions she had in front of her secretary. She was grateful it had been her and no one else, but she still didn’t like it.

 

“Is there anything else?” Lena asked after a couple of beats. She looked more pointedly at Jess, testing to see if she was actually going to say anything to her boss.

 

“No ma’am! That’s all! I’ll go fetch your schedule right away!” she said nervously, clamming the papers in her hands tightly before she left.

 

To be honest, Lena was grateful for her silence. One less thing to worry about.

 

Kara called her around lunch time.

 

“Hey gorgeous!” Lena greeted. “How are you?”

 

“Hey! I’m good, thanks!” Kara was silent for a beat. “So… Alex called me.” She said, much to Lena’s surpise.

 

“Oh?”

 

“Yeah… She told me she came to your office to see you.” Kara said cautiously.

 

“Yes, she did.” Lena agreed, light in her tone.

 

Silence.

 

“Is everything okay?” Kara asked. It was obvious she was awkward with the conversation.

 

“Yes, nothing to worry about.” Lena waved of.

 

Another silence stretched, before Kara came to the conclusion that Lena wasn’t going to offer up anymore.

 

“Rao… Ha! Uhm… I’m-… Sorry? I guess? She told me you guys planned a date for that dinner you talked about. She told me that she likes you. She didn’t really tell me what you guys talked about, and she kept on being wage whenever I asked, which is really annoying, especially since she’s my sister, I mean…” she trailed off for a second. “I know she can be very overprotective of me, and I know she can seem very intimidating. I think it’s the whole ‘adopted alien baby sister’-thing. Sometimes it gets to be a bit much, even if she means well. I just… I hope she didn’t attack you or anything. You know I’ll talk to her if anything happened, right? It’s not okay for her to march into your office like that, I tried to tell her, though I’m not sure if she really listened.”

 

"Kara, darling, it's okay.” Lena reassured. “I will admit, I was surprised to see her when I arrived this morning, but I promise that she’s only trying to look after you. It’s no problem, I promise.”

 

“Good. I’ll still talk to her next time I see her. It wasn’t her place.”

 

Silence stretched a tiny bit more as Lena couldn’t find a suitable reply.

 

“So, do you have any plans tonight?” Kara asked after a moment.

 

“I have a late meeting, but why don’t I stop by after work with some pot stickers and a movie?” Lena asked, smiling.

 

“Gosh, that sounds amazing; you’re the best, Lena!” Lena laughed as she heard the smile and excitement in Kara’s voice.

 

“I know, darling. I know.” She replied with a smirk.

 

“Alright, I have to get back to work, but I’ll see you later?” Kara asked.

 

“Of course. I’ll see you later. Have a good day. Bye.” Lena heard Kara laugh on the other end before they hung up.

 

The rest of the day seemed a blur of meetings and business decisions, which idea to go with, where to fund it, how to get the best profit both money wise and for the consumer. She felt her concentration slip more often than usual as her mind kept wondering back to Kara. Her Kara.

 

Where they officially a couple now? I mean, when you begin having dinner with the rest of the family together, it must mean they were an item, right? It seemed like a big step though. Like something serious and meaningful. Yet it had just sort of snuck up on them. Lena knew she loved Kara. Knew Kara loved her. They hadn’t been with anybody else while they had been seeing each other. She knew that too.

 

“Are we dating?” she asked Kara that evening, curled up against her on the couch, watching a flick pass by.

 

“What do you mean?” Kara asked absentmindedly, caught up with whatever was on the screen.

 

“Like… Are you my girlfriend?” she flinched as soon as she said the words. God she sounded juvenile.

 

Kara reached out to pause the movie before looking at Lena with a frown on her face.

 

“Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?” Kara asked, still very confused.

 

“I mean, I guess… It’s just, we’ve been seeing each other for a long time by now, and I know most of that time has been messed up and confusing, and shifting between different meanings… What I meant to say is that I love you…” The words still felt almost foreign on her lips. “I want to make this thing work. I want to be in it. With you…”

 

Kara was silent as she watched Lena carefully, searching her eyes and face.

 

“Say something.” Lena said when it became too much for her.

 

“I’d love to be your girlfriend.” Kara replied slowly, still caught up in her world little world, before an upturn in the corners of her lips slowly turned into the most beautiful and brilliant smile Lena had ever seen.

 

Cautiously, Kara moved forward, hesitating just the tiniest moment in front of Lena’s lips, feeling Lena’s breath hitch, before she closed the gap to press the softest and sweetest of kisses against her lips, trying to convey all the love she was feeling. Breaking apart she took Lena in her arms for a hug so impossibly tight it felt close to bone crushing, yet impossibly gentle, as if Lena was nothing but a tiny precious flower she was trying to shine all her love and warmth upon.

 

“Did I ever tell you how lucky I am?” Kara whispered against her ear.

 

Lena blushed as her stomach fluttered with butterflies.

 

She was a goner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Alex being overprotective is an old and overly abused story. Yet it’s also a true story. I hope people see my point of view and doesn’t think I made her overly mean and over the top as I know sometimes ends up being the case in here. Please let me know what you think!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the late update!! My schedule have been packed, between the admission test, interview tomorrow, family times in 3 different cities in one weekend, school, everything. All good things though! I'll try to keep the pace up going forward!

Lena thought she might actually be more nervous about dinner with Alex and Maggie than she had been when she and Kara went on their first date. She knew it was irrational. She had talked with Alex, had met both of them before. Especially Maggie seemed rather agreeable. She was sure that the two of them could easily share the same humor and affection for teasing. She had talked to Alex too, she reminded herself again. Alex had actually been honest with her. Had given her a chance, even when she herself doubted that she deserved one. She just didn’t want to screw up.

 

Not again.

 

“Lena, you’ve been going over your outfit for hours!” Kara complained. She was currently lying down on Lena’s bed, legs hanging over the edge and swinging, eyes fixed on the same spot in the ceiling. Her hands were folded behind her head. She had been lying there for a while now, humming tunes between helping Lena out.

 

“You don’t think I should have gone with the suit?” Lena asked, reconsidering. She was currently wearing a nice red dress. Not too long, not too short. Not too tight, not too baggy. It fitted her like a glove. Kara was sure it must have cost more than what she made in a month.

 

“Babe, you look beautiful! Absolutely stunning!” Kara sat up, looking at Lena. “Come here!” she said.

 

Lena reluctantly turned away from the full-length mirror in order to go over to her obviously bored girlfriend. As she came closer, Kara grabbed her by the back of her upper thighs and pulled her closer so she was standing between her legs.

 

“You’re gorgeous.” Kara said. “Completely breath-taking! You could wear a garbage bag and still manage to be the prettiest girl in the room!” Lena rolled her eyes as she blushed and smiled, letting her hands rest on Kara’s shoulder, caressing the soft skin of her neck. “Now, why don’t you kiss me instead of worrying about everything?”

 

Smirking, Lena leaned down and pressed a soft kiss on her lips. She began teasing Kara, leaning down close, mere inches away, making Kara pull up, like a magnet. When Kara couldn’t reach her, she reached up instead, grabbing Lena’s ass, making her almost stumble forward. The move was enough to make Lena stop her teasing though, and she laughed as she kissed Kara over and over again, increasingly deeper. When Kara’s hands began to become a bit too excited though, Lena pulled away again, breathing more heavily.

 

“As much as I enjoy this, and trust me, I do, I fear we might be late if you keep it up much longer.” Lena said with a smirk.

 

“But what I am supposed to do when you look so irresistible?” Kara said with a smile, hoping she might sway Lena’s mind.

 

“Flattery will get you everywhere. Later.” Lena said with a wink as she moved away. It didn’t work.

 

Kara rolled her eyes as she fell back down on the bed again, sighing dramatically.

 

“We still got a whole hour! How long do you need to get ready woman?”

 

Turned out Lena really did need all the time.

 

Kara ended up putting on some Ed Sheeran in the background in the bathroom, while Lena was busy applying make-up. Lena smiled at her girlfriend and laughed as she danced adorably but poorly in the background, trying to sing along to the songs, swaying her hips amusingly.

 

"Uh!” Kara pecked up as a new song began. “This one always makes me think of you!” she exclaimed happily, stopping briefly in her dancing to kiss Lena on the neck. Lena soon recognized the song.

 

Shape of You.

 

“What did I ever do to deserve a dork like you?” Lena laughed lovingly, leaning closer to the mirror to try to concentrate on her eyeliner as Kara began singing along, making a show of singing to Lena.

 

“ _Girl, you know I want your love. Your love was handmade for somebody like me. Come on now, follow my lead. I may be crazy, don’t mind me._ ”

 

She began tugging at Lena’s free hand, making her roll her eyes, teasingly pulling her hand away.

 

“I’m trying to concentrate.” She complained, a smirk betraying her faux seriousness.

 

As the song went on though, it became increasingly more difficult to concentrate as Kara pulled at her hips, singing close to her ear.

 

“ _I’m in love with the shape of you. We push and pull like magnets do. Although my heart is falling too, I’m in love with your body._ ”

 

Kara punctuated her words by letting her hands roam Lena’s body freely, making Lena blush and smile almost shyly.

When Kara began signing, “ _Come on, be my baby, come on._ ” Lena finally gave in, swaying her hips seductively against Kara’s hands.

 

Kara laughed, felt her heart soar with love and amazement as she danced and sang foolishly, while Lena made a show of swaying her hips exaggeratedly, raising her hands above her head.

 

“ _Say, boy, let’s not talk too much._ ” Lena began to sing, poorly, but still singing, much to Kara’s surprise. _“Grab on my waist and put that body on me. Come on now, follow my lead._ ”

 

They laughed and danced and sang and as the song wound down, Kara put her hands around Lena’s waist, smiling brilliantly at the blushing brunette.

 

“Have I ever told you how much I love you?” Kara said in wonder. Just for a second it felt like the whole world stopped around them as their hearts beat as one. Lena leaned up and placed a loving kiss on Kara’s lips, trying to convey all her happiness. Leaning in closer, she stopped in front of Kara’s ear.

 

“You’re lucky I haven’t done my lipstick yet.”

 

Kara just laughed and smiled as the next tune began blaring up and Lena returned to her long forgotten make-up.

 

They ended up arriving at the building 15 min. before time.

 

"I told you we were too early Lena." Kara complained.

 

"I like to be early when it's something important." Lena retorted, looking down at the wine bottle in her hands. "Do you think I should have gotten flowers instead?" She asked absentmindedly.

 

"God, woman, I think you might end up being the death of me!" Kara exclaimed.

 

"I didn't hear you complain last night." Lena replied with a devilish smile before knocking on the door.

 

When Alex opened the door she found a smirking Lena with a very pleased look on her face standing next to a completely red, blushing mess.

 

"What did you do to my sister?" Alex smiled with a suspicious glance, as she went to give both of them a light hug in greeting.

 

"I plead the fifth." Lena replied with a smirk, walking inside to greet a waiting Maggie. Alex chuckled, shaking her head.

 

"I'm beginning to suspect I don't want to know!" She said.

 

"Alex!" Kara exclaimed, making all heads turn on her. She was pouting, still blushing, shifting from leg to leg uncomfortably.

 

"Did you want to add something, darling?" Lena asked with a smirk, only to receive a shake of the head. Taking pity on her girlfriend, she went over to take her hand, kissing her softly on the cheek, before making sure she hadn't left any smudge of lipstick. Kara continued to blush, though seeming to calm a bit down.

 

"You're evil." She whispered in Lena's ear.

 

"I am a Luthor after all." Lena whispered back, before turning to the hosts. "I brought a bottle of wine of you." She said, smiling.

 

"Thank you! Why don't I take that off your hands?" Maggie says, taking the wine from Lena and bringing it into the kitchen.

 

Lena breathed in more sharply, feeling her nerves taking over now as she smiled and ran her hands down over her dress, acutely aware of the situation. This was it. The big family dinner. Before she could let her nerves take over her completely, Kara came over to take her arm, having noticed the shift in the air.

 

“Dinner is almost ready!” Maggie called from the kitchen. “We weren’t expecting you guys for another 15 min.!”

 

“I told Lena, but she refused to listen to me.” Kara rolled her eyes but smiled and squeezed Lena’s arm reassuringly.

 

"What can I say; I like to make sure to be one time.” Lena shrugged casually.

 

“Don’t worry about it.” Alex said, waving it off. “Why don’t we go sit down while Maggie finishes up? I’d love to hear about your day.” She said looking at Lena.

 

Kara smiled lovingly at her sister. She knew she was doing her best to be on her best behavior for their sake and she adored her for it. Even if Alex could be a hard ass sometimes, she was always there for her whenever she needed a sister. She had clearly seen how much this meant to Kara.

 

The evening actually turned out to be pretty nice. The food was great. Apparently, Maggie's grandmother had taught her some of the family recipes before she had been kicked out. The conversation floated freely between them, very enjoyably. It was a good set-up. Not too many people to take into account and a private and secluded place. It made Lena relax a lot more than she had the first time, made her feel comfortable enough to let go a bit, just for once. It felt nice. Like it should feel. Enjoyable. For the first time in her life, Lena felt like she understood why people always threw dinner parties with their friends and associates. She remember hating it as a child, especially how the time just seemed to drag and the end never to arrive. It was like a revelation.

 

Kara was always sitting next to her, hand lovingly in her lap, making her feel grounded. Alex had seemed to let a bit go of the tough exterior she had been greeted by the first time around, and Maggie had Lena feel welcome and comfortable with warm smiles and light teasing.

 

They ganged up together, against Kara.

 

“I remember when we were teenagers and there were this really cute guy that Kara liked.” Alex said while Lena was leaning closer over the table, endlessly fascinated with the red shade on Kara’s cheeks. “He had asked her out and everything and Kara was over the moon, so happy. But then I come home, after the date, to a completely freaked out Kara, pacing and flying around the house. And I asked, totally panicked, ‘What happened, what happened?!’” Alex had to stop to laugh as Kara hid her face against Lena’s shoulder. “Apparently, he had tried to kiss her, and Kara had been so eager she ended up breaking the poor guy’s nose!”

 

Lena laughed as she looked humorously at her girlfriend.

 

“I didn’t mean to! It was an accident!” Kara complained, hiding her face in her hands in embarrassment. “You promised not to tell!”

 

“What happened after that?” Lena asked Alex, curious to see if there were more to the story.

 

“He completely freaked out. I don’t think they ever went out again.” Alex laughed.

 

“It was my first kiss and he didn’t even want to talk to me again afterwards.” Kara pouted.

 

“Oh, darling!” Lena said, throwing an arm around her girlfriend, trying to hide her laughter. “I am so sorry! He could at least have said something! I’m sure he didn’t deserve you!”

 

“Thank you!” Kara agreed.

 

“Just… Try not to break my nose, will you, love?” Everyone broke out in laughter again.

 

“It happened one time!” Kara complained again.

 

“Did I ever tell you about the time she flew into a building, because I blew her a kiss when she was flying away?” Lena told Alex and Maggie.

 

“ _Lena!_ ” Kara said sharply.

 

“You did not!” Alex exclaimed while they laughed.

 

“I am so sorry little Danvers, but that shit is funny!” Maggie said, before Kara threw a small piece of bread in her direction.

 

Lena ended up helping clear the table, small talking with Maggie, while Alex pulled Kara to the side.

 

“She seems nicer this time. It suits her when she’s more relaxed. I like it.” Alex said, smiling softly.

 

“Thanks, Alex. I know this isn’t easy for you. You’ve been great to night, even if I could have done without the embarrassing stories.” Kara replied honestly.

 

“I wouldn’t be a good big sister without them, now, would I?” Alex teased, making Kara roll her eyes. “Just… Tell me one thing.” Alex said seriously.

 

Kara nodded.

 

“Does she make you happy?” Hints of worry and concern tinted Alex’s face as she searched Kara’s eyes. Kara stopped in her tracks for a second before smiling softly at her sister.

 

“More than you could possibly know.” She replied with absolute certainty.

 

“Good. I’m happy for you, you know?”

 

Kara just smiled and hugged her sister.

 

“Thanks Alex. It means the world to me!”

 

“Now, let’s get back and help them out.” Alex said, putting her hand on Kara’s back as she walked over to the two smiling and talking women.

 

That night, Kara lay awake with a sleeping Lena curled up in her arms, thinking she was luckiest girl in the entire universe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had that song stuck on my head for days, thought it might be cute! Hope you guys liked it and still want to read along! Let me know what you think! :)


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT EDIT: I changed the political climate after realizing that in my hurry, I forgot that the Supergirl universe already have a president!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for how long this is taking. I'm completely stressed out at the moment, hope it'll get pass soon. I had a lot of difficulty getting this chapter down, hope it doesn't show too much

For a while, everything seemed to be okay. Seemed to fit, to match together. It seemed like things where finally getting clearer. Lena began spending more and more time with Kara and her friends and family. Began becoming a part of the group, slowly but surely.

 

She let herself become entangled in her girlfriend’s life. She became a part of Kara’s life. Whenever Kara was around, it seemed like Lena was there too, and even if she weren’t physically there, she was more or less always a topic of discussion. It was small things, really. Questions like, ‘How’s Lena doing?’ or comments like ‘You need to tell Lena about this, I know she would love it’, or ‘Remind Lena of it before I forget again’. Harmless small talk. Harmless comments. Nice comments.

 

It made Lena feel welcomed, whenever her girlfriend would repeat a conversation. Like she was actually genuinely a part of something. Like she actually had a spot and insight into another person’s life and family.

 

It was still hard, not closing off. It happened so easily and instinctually for Lena. It was almost like second nature. Admittedly, she had gotten better, inviting Kara over more times, actually talking more openly about her past and her history, but it all seemed like baby steps. Sometimes it frustrated her endlessly how hard it seemed to shake the old habits, especially when she saw it frustrating Kara. Kara was patient, was sweet about it, really. But she knew it sometimes bothered her more than she would admit, that it hurt her if Lena got stressed out about something and refused to share, not wanting to impose nor liking feeling helpless.

 

So Kara accepted that her girlfriend preferred staying over at her apartment instead, and gave her space whenever Lena needed it.

 

Such as now.

 

It had started out fairly simple, really. One of those slow things that creeps up on you, without you ever knowing what hit you. Thinking back, Kara couldn’t help but to think that it had probably been unavoidable, that it would have happened sooner or later. Part of her thinks that maybe it would have been better for it to happen later on, but deep down she knew that it probably would still have been just as hard.

 

She would say it started at L-Corp. They were beginning to develop a new machine. A device supposed to help law enforcement quickly decipher any sort of weapon a possible suspect may or may not have in order to put a stop to accidental shootings and unnecessary deaths in stressing situations. The thought was good, the intentions pure. With the whole rise of the Black Lives Matter movements, the shootings like Tamir Rice and Trayvon Martin, Lena wanted to find some sort of solution to help the police be able to get the correct overview of the situation, but also hold them accountable for any unnecessary violence with no real reason or threat.

 

She knew it was political. Risky even. But the more the tension seemed to rise, the more determined she got to actually make it work, investing money, time and effort like it was nothing. It helped that Kara also felt endlessly proud of her efforts and supported her without hesitation, even if it meant getting to see less of her girlfriend.

 

“I just feel so helpless sometimes, seeing everything that’s happening around us. I see the rise of politicians like Trump and Mike Pence, and even though Marsdin is doing a great job, I’m just scared that the American people don’t see that.” Lena told Kara, bitterness coating her disdain for the growing political climate.

 

"I hate those guys." Kara injected.

 

“I just want to help whichever way I can. I was so lucky to have been raised with money and privilege, you know? I actually have the power needed to do something, or at least try to. I feel like I  _need_  to  _do something_. Anything really. Anything is better than the situation right now. And now that the hatred is spreading to the Muslim community as well as towards the Mexicans. As if it wasn’t enough hating aliens and black people. The xenophobia is really getting out of control. It wouldn’t surprise me either if LGBT rights suddenly was thrown out of the window again. It just seems like there’s giant storm brewing, and I don’t know how much longer Marsdin will be able to hold all the frustrated people at bay. I just wish I could be more helpful.”

 

Kara interlaced her fingers with Lena’s, sensing her distress.

 

“I wish I could say something to make it better.” Kara said, feeling rather helpless in the situation.

 

“I know, darling. You do so much for the community, both as a reporter and as Supergirl. I just wish I could be more helpful.” Lena sighed dejectedly.

 

“But you are helpful, Lena.” Kara put her arm around her girlfriend, Lena burring her head in the crock of her neck. “You do great things! You give donations, run charities and programs, you have the children’s hospital you frequently visit. Your company makes groundbreaking inventions that helps society! You’re so smart, so generous and willing to give and help.” She hesitated, looked Lena sheepishly in the eyes. “Sometimes I don’t think I deserve you.” She said in a low voice.

 

Instantly, Lena kissed her, taking her breath away for a short second and insured all her doubts melted away.

 

“Silly woman. If there’s anyone underserving, it’s me. But if you’ll still have me I promise to do absolute best.”

 

Kara blushed, smiled, and Lena kissed her again, promptly ending their talking for the rest of the night.

 

So it began.

 

Late nights. Busy meetings. Endless of frustration. Lena began inviting Kara over to her place more frequently so they could see each other while she could continue to work. Kara told her it didn't bother her. Staying on the couch, watching some sort of movie or series while Lena was deeply entangled in paperwork, prototypes and problem solving. It was fun for a short period of time. Relaxing. Like coming home. Kara liked spending time with Lena, even if she wasn't actually spending time _with_ her.

 

But then what seemed like domestic bliss slowly changed character as Lena began to realize that Kara was slowly becoming more and more bored by sitting around and doing nothing, especially since she didn't really have any of her stuff or family and friends around. So slowly Lena stopped inviting Kara over on the nights she knew she would have to work.

 

Kara tried to protest. Tried to help. And while she might have been able to help with some scientific parts of the problems, it was simply too complicated. Being both Supergirl and a reporter at the same time meant that Kara was often away for different periods of times and different durations, and while Lena understood that perfectly well and had accepted that a long time ago, a project of that importance didn’t have patience for that.

 

Instead, Lena had sought Maggie out for help during business hours. The chief of her department had agreed to lend her to Lena for the duration of the development to insure that the device would actually be usable to the police enforcement.

 

It turned out to be a better idea than Lena had thought. Maggie was hard working, straightforward with no beating around the bush, both understanding and patient when need be. Kara came around whenever she could find a break in her work to bring over lunch for the three of them, but Lena slowly stopped having time to swing by Kara’s work as she had been trying to make time for otherwise.

 

 **Lena Luthor, 5:45 PM:** I’m so sorry babe, but I don’t think I can make it tomorrow.

 

Lena hesitated as she wrote it. They had been planning on going to the cinema. There was this new romantic comedy that Kara had been wanting to see. Even if it wasn’t really Lena’s preferred genre of movies, she knew how much it had meant to Kara, and she hated to disappoint her girlfriend. This was the second time in a row she’d had to cancel.

 

 **Kara Danvers, 5:50 PM:** is everything okay??

 

 **Lena Luthor, 5:52 PM:** Yes. We found out somebody was leaking knowledge to a competing company. We need to go through our people and security once more.

 

She knew this was a part of her job. She knew this was a risk when you’re working on something so high profile. She knew as soon as her product was out, rivalling companies would begin working non-stop for a cheaper copy of her invention.

 

Lena waited, starring at her phone with a knot in her stomach.

 

 **Kara Danvers, 6:04 PM:** i’m sorry… sounds serious… i hope you figure it out, i’m sure you will

 

 **Kara Danvers, 6:04 PM:** i know how smart you are babe :) <3

 

Lena felt her heart simultaneously break and melt.

 

 **Lena Luthor, 6:05 PM:** What did I ever do to deserve you <3 <3

 

 **Lena Luthor, 6:07 PM:** Maybe you can ask Alex to go with you? I know it’s not the same, but you were so excited to go

 

 **Kara Danvers, 6:11 PM:** maybe i’ll try asking her. just remember not to overwork yourself babe  <3 <3 <3 <3

 

 **Lena Luthor, 6:12 PM:** Of course! I love you, Kara  <3

 

She didn’t hear more from Kara that night.

 

The next day Maggie told her that Alex had agreed to go with her.

 

“She had been looking forward to going with you, you know that, right?” Maggie asked, crossing her arms. It was a casual comment, not meant to be harsh or hurt, yet Lena felt as if she had been slapped.

 

“Well, it wasn’t like I was planning on someone to begin ratting me out.” She snapped.

 

Silence stretched for a pregnant pause as Lena took a hand up to pinch the bridge of her nose and exhale sharply.

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap.” She said somberly, looking away. “I just feel guilty enough as it is. I really wanted to go with her as well.”

 

“You can’t just get other people to work out the breach?”

 

Lena sighed incredulously at the suggestion, more irritated at the situation than she would like to admit.

 

“I wish things were that simple, but until I get this thing figured out I can’t really trust anybody.”

 

Maggie paused, looked down in contemplation.

 

“I get it.” She said after a moment, looking up at Lena. “Just make sure the prize isn’t bigger than what you anticipated.”

 

Lena shifted uncomfortably for a second before moving back to their working desk.

 

“Let’s get back to work, shall we?”

 

Maggie just nodded, knowing she’d reached Lena’s limit of comfort. Lena’s mind was whirling with Maggie’s words. She knew her and Kara’s problem was one with planning and communication rather than a simple work project. It was easy for Lena to give Kara space and time when work or Supergirl required it, because Lena was so used to living in her own world and bubble that more spare time meant nothing to her. But Kara wasn’t like that. Kara needed people and love surrounding her. Needed to feel valued and appreciated on a whole other level than what Lena was used to. It was one of the things she found endearing and captivating about Kara. Her need to give and receive love and understanding.

 

She knew that Kara would never admit to feeling down or hurt by Lena’s absence, because she knew Kara was easily one of the most understanding people she knew. But she was scared that Kara might be more understanding than what Lena deserved.

 

And like a slow poison, doubt and insecurity slowly crept itself back into Lena’s heart and mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have one last twist planned out before I'm going to work on an ending. Originally I only had the 6 first chapters planned and then an epilogue, so I think it's about time. I don't want to drag out, just for the sake of it, and I have other ideas I'd like to work on after this story. Anyways, let me know what you think! Know it got a bit political at one point :)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT: People were right, I totally forgot about Supergirl already having a president. I edited the previous chapter's political rant if you want to be updated.
> 
> Also, so sorry for the delay, thank you for being so understanding! School is over, so hopefully I will get to finish this story soon! I also got in to The Animation Workshop (I'M GOING TO BE A FUCKING ANIMATOR, YES!!!), so I don't have to worry about figuring next year out, so less stress! If you guys want to check my art out, check out my instagram https://www.instagram.com/isabelle.bernard/ or if you're curious about my portfolio you can check out isabellethulstrup.wordpress.com :)

Soon the conversations were becoming shorter and shorter between Lena and Kara. It was hard enough dating Supergirl as it was with her crime fighting schedule, but for Supergirl to be dating a workaholic CEO seemed like a bigger challenge than initially imagined, especially with Lena’s trust issues and Kara’s tendency to not speak out when things were bothering her.

 

Lena felt kind of bad about that part. Especially because she knew that that wasn’t how Kara normally was. Normally she wouldn’t have any problems in the world with speaking up for herself and for what she thought was right. That was why she was such a great superhero.

 

“You tell me when things are bothering you, right?” Lena asked one night.

 

It was one of those, by now, rare moments when their schedules had actually aligned and they had spend the evening watching some of Kara’s favorite movies and were now lying naked and tangled up together under the sheets, tired and ready for sleep. Lena lay with her head on Kara’s chest as she absentmindedly stroked Kara’s arm gently with her fingertips.

 

“What do you mean?” Kara asked softly, clearly on the verge of falling asleep. Lena kissed her chest chastely before laying her head back down over the spot.

 

“I mean with me. With us. If you wanted to change something or if you’re not happy, if I’m doing something you don’t like.” It was a casual comment. An open comment.

 

Kara hesitated.

 

“Well…” she said in contemplation. “Sometimes I wish you would talk to me more often. But I also understand why that’s hard for you. It’s a progress. It takes time. I don’t mind.” She shrugged.

 

Lena raised herself up on her elbow, her long dark hair flowing down over Kara’s chest as she looked her seriously in the eyes.

 

“But I don’t want you to be patient or understanding. I want to know whenever something is bothering you. I’m not fragile; I won’t break if you say something, even if I don’t like what I hear.” She paused, searched Kara’s eyes. There was a sort of lazy acknowledgement to them, unamused and unsurprised, yet no trace mocking either. “I want you to be able to talk to me.” She finished.

 

Kara smiled softly, repositioned herself so she was looking Lena straight into the eyes, right underneath her. She raised one of her hands to gently trace Lena’s face. Her dark eyebrow, sharpish chin, soft cheek. Her lips. She cupped Lena’s cheek gently and Lena leaned her head into the touch, closing her eyes for a moment, enjoying the simple closeness.

 

“Lena.” Kara said. Lena opened her eyes again, looking down at the lazy and soft yet absolutely genuine smile Kara gave her. “I love you. I’m not going anywhere. I trust you. I know you would never hurt me.”

 

Lena wanted to protest. Wanted to tell her that that wasn’t what she meant. That those weren’t the words she needed. But before she had the chance, Kara raised her head and kissed her softly.

 

“I’m tired.” Kara said in a soft voice, not being able to keep away a small yawn. “Let’s go to sleep, okay?” She brushed Lena’s hair, before shifting to pull Lena back down to where she was laying before.

 

“I love you.” Lena said in a quiet voice as she herself felt the slow pull of sleep, gently dragging her out of her head. There was an undetected sadness to her voice, but she didn’t have the energy to fight it. Merely enjoying the warmth of Kara’s rising and falling chest under the pressure of her head.

 

“I love you too, Lena.” Kara replied just as quietly before the night took them away from reality and into dreamland.

 

As the days slowly dragged on, it seemed like her contact with Kara began coming through Maggie’s small talking rather than Kara herself.

 

It was rather frustrating really. It wasn’t like Lena didn’t want to change things. Kara was all she ever thought about when she wasn’t knee deep in work. She felt as if in a trance, watching her days come and go with no significance anymore. It was like one of those moments when you can feel that it’s about to go wrong, yet you’re stuck as a helpless by passer, unable to move or act.

 

She wished Kara would do something, would say something to snap her out of it. Say unknown magic words to unfreeze her limps and make them move, make them accountable for the sun and moon rising and falling over the sky while she stood still in her office or on the field, watching Maggie unload yet another clip into yet another dummy on her way through the maze they had set up.

 

“We still need to make this thing faster.” Maggie told her. “In stressing situations, we don’t always have the time this thing needs to scan the area.”

 

“We should also work on the width of the area.” Lena agreed. “You have to stand almost next to the person, that’s a risk that most people wouldn't want to take.”

 

They were walking away from the field and towards the makeshift workstation that Lena had set up for herself out there. It was getting late, most people having left already.

 

“Right.” Maggie agreed after a rich pause. She hated when Lena got so factual and negative about their progress. The CEO seemed to be in a growing foul mood lately. “You want to head back together?” she asked, wanting to change the subject away from more work. It had been a long day and Maggie had been out in their maze for most of it.

 

“No, I’m going to stay and see if I can work on a different algorithm. The one we’re currently running with is too limiting in terms of the expansions needed to make this work.” She replied, going to look through her notes.

 

Maggie stayed still in front of her for a short while, shifting her weight casually between her legs.

 

“So you’re not coming tonight?” Maggie finally asked.

 

Lena looked up with a perplexed look on her face.

 

“What’s tonight?” she asked, beginning to feel just the tiniest bit left out. Maggie paused, played with her hands. God, she hated being put on the spot like this.

 

“We’ve invited to dinner. I’m attempting to cook. I thought Kara would have told you about it.”

 

Lena felt a lump of guilt rise in her throat.

 

“No, she didn’t.”

 

Suddenly the silence seemed to stretch uncomfortably for both of them as Lena looked to her papers for a distraction from this chaos, while Maggie cursed herself, trying to figure out what the hell to say.

 

“She probably just misunderstood the invitation. Or maybe she didn’t want to bother you. I mean, you have been working pretty hard on this project, maybe she thought it would be nice with an evening to yourself, you know?” Maggie smiled, trying to be as positive and friendly as possible.

 

Lena cursed under her breath as she pushed her papers away. Letting out a deep sigh followed by a muttered, _fuck_ , she turned around and put a hand through the top of her hair, letting it rest there as she ruffled her loose hair. She closed her eyes tightly as her brows knitted together and let out another deep breath. After a second, she let her expression loosen up. She let her head hang as she ran her hand through the remaining of her hair, letting the hand fall uselessly down. Taking another second to herself, she stood still for a second, before turning around to great Maggie with a stoic expression.

 

“It’s fine. Tell her I send my greetings.” Lena smiled through the lump still very present in her throat and her now elevated heartbeat, successfully masking all her emotions.

 

“So you’re not coming?” Maggie asked carefully.

 

“No, I’m going to stay and keep working on this.” She rearranged the papers in front of her.

 

“Right.” Maggie said awkwardly, debating whether or not to say something. On one hand, this wasn’t her problem nor place, on the other hand she genuinely liked Lena, and Kara was technically family.

 

“Is everything alright between you two?” she finally asked anyway, opting that Lena was big enough to tell her if she was crossing a line.

 

Lena stayed silent for a small while, leaned over her desk, resting her weight on her outstretched arms on either side of her head. Her eyes burned slightly, yet her expression managed to remain blank and unreadable.

 

“I don’t know anymore.” Lena whispered. It was so silent that Maggie wasn’t sure she had even heard right, if it hadn’t been for Lena’s helpless body language. Lena didn’t know what she was thinking admitting that thought out loud.

 

It was just so hard to figure out what to think. She let out a sigh of relief at her own admission. It felt nice putting words to it. Wrong, yet nice. Like she was less alone. She had felt so endlessly alone lately. Even more so than when she was actually alone. Like it just didn’t matter anymore. Like she didn’t matter anymore. Like she had just been left behind and no one had cared to look back and make sure she would be able to follow.

 

“I’m sorry.” Lena said, shifting her weight slightly. She was just so desperate for someone to acknowledge her feelings. She loved Kara. Kara was all she ever thought about. Yet Kara had given her more space and understanding than what she wanted and needed. Kara refused to stand up for herself, hoping that if she just gave Lena the time and space she needed, then everything would go back to normal again. But Lena didn’t need space. She needed to see that Kara would still be there and stand strong instead of lying down and let Lena push her over. She had no interest in being able to push Kara over. She just didn’t know how to convey that to the blonde.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Maggie said carefully after a second, ignoring Lena’s last comment.

 

Lena would be lying if she said that she didn’t consider the offer. She smiled friendly at Maggie, glad for the support.

 

“No, it’s fine, truly. Go home and cook before your girlfriend begins to wonder what I’ve done to you. Tell Kara I love her for me, will you? Then I’ll see you again tomorrow.” Her voice was soft, so calm it prickled uncomfortably at Maggie’s skin.

 

“Okay.” Maggie said after a pause, trying to match Lena’s voice. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

And then she was gone.

 

Lena stayed behind, looking through her papers. After half an hour she came to the conclusion that it was absolutely impossible for her to concentrate on anything called work. Instead she took off, wandering in the deserted desert area where they had set camp. It was warm, the low sun stinging her pale skin. She walked over to their small maze. The training area consisted of a fake park and fake street along with the set of an apartment, minus the roof. They had different pop up figures that would come out of hiding with a different set of weaponry hidden. It was the machines job to tell Maggie what level of threat she would be facing. It was a rather big, closed off area, lots of room for running, with different props standing by, ready to be used to mix things up.

 

Lena plumbed down on the couch in the fake apartment living room, spreading her body out. Her feet were dangling out slightly, so she decided to kick off her heels. Her sore feet were immediately grateful for their release. It was so easy, oh so easy to just close her eyes and fall asleep, right there. The area was closed off and secluded and the last of her people would already be home with their families by now. She let herself lay still and basked in the silent and the sun bathing over her dark attire.

 

She thought of Kara. Of Kara’s smile. How she longed to have her girlfriend lying right there by her side, right in that moment. How she missed her touch, her warmth and radiance. She thought about texting her, but her phone and handbag was back at her workspace, and she didn’t have the energy to rise.

 

So she lay still on her back, looking up at the cloudless sky, wondering why she let everyone she loved go.

 

She tried to sleep, unwilling to move. The sun had slowly left, taking the heat with it. She turned her head towards the back of the old and used couch, familiarizing herself with the fabric and fibers of it. She wondered where it had used to live. Most of the props had been borrowed from a second-hand shop with the promise of being returned unharmed. They hadn’t had to spend much money on the set. It wasn’t like they needed any decorations. Some of her staff members had gotten a great deal of fun out drawing on the walls, poorly drawn stick men and women, made to poke fun at their co-workers, adding speech bubbles or graffiti to the other people’s drawings. Lena had allowed them. She didn’t mind their comedic outlet. If it made the day more delightful, then who was she to deny it. She had even joined in on the fun, adding a harmless comment to a character about a stupid mistake one of her employees had made, much to the surprise and amusement of everybody.

 

She had thought about sending a picture of it to Kara. She could see her laughing at the story in her head. It made her smile just to think about it. In the end she had chosen not to do anything about it and let it be a work thing instead. Maybe that was for the best.

 

It was around 3 am when she decided to go home.

 

She had slept uncomfortably for a few hours, but the night breeze was getting rather cold and she didn’t really want her employees finding her like that, no matter how little she felt like getting up and dealing with the prospect of a new day approaching.

 

She checked her phone when she got home. One message from Kara.

 

 **Kara Danvers, 5:42 PM:** Talked to Maggie. I’m sorry I didn’t tell about the dinner, I didn’t want to bother you unnecessarily. Hope you didn’t stay at work too late. I love you too babe <3

 

She didn’t bother to reply, instead she went straight for her bed, too fed up to think about anything anymore. She was asleep the instant her head landed on the pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, not the happiest chapter in the world, but I guess it always have to get worse before it gets better with me. Tell me what you think, I love reading your comments! :)


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is shorter than usual, but it felt like a good time to break. Hopefully I'll get the next chapter done a lot sooner now that I have a way too long way too empty vacation a head of me. Let me know what you think, if you have any thoughts or feelings :)

For a while, Kara and Lena seemed to live in a small bubble of denial. They greeted each other with smiles and chaste kisses, went on with their usual banter. Talking about meaningless fashion and celebrity rumors. New movies or new science being developed. Teasing each other about embarrassing teenage stories.

 

“I cannot believe you wore that.” Lena laughed.

 

“Oh come on, multiple mini buns were very trendy back then! And the crop top was totally on point.” Kara tried to defend, only to be met by rolling eyes and an amused smile.

 

“Whatever you say, darling.”

 

Kara swatted Lena’s arm playfully. “Oh, please. Have you even looked at yourself? Turtlenecks with shoulder padded blazers on top? You looked like a business woman before you were barely able to drive.”

 

Lena sighed and rolled her eyes in embarrassment.

 

“God, please don’t remind me.” She whined. Kara merely laughed and kissed her cheek.

 

“I think you looked adorable. My very own mini CEO.” Kara put her arms around Lena, making her blush and smile.

 

It was nice whenever they were together. It was nice because they were able to pretend. They were able to tell themselves that everything was as it had always been. Nothing seemed to change. But Lena could feel herself hesitating whenever Kara would kiss her to try to touch her.

 

It pained her. She didn’t know why. She didn’t know what caused that reaction. There was just something about the whole set up that seemed unbearably fake. Unbearably empty. They were talking, but the words held no meaning or importance to her. They were laughing, smiling, yet she was left feeling just as lost when they parted as before they came together. She could feel it in Kara too. She didn’t kiss her the same way anymore. She rarely asked about her day or the development of the project. She began not sharing as much about her own day or work.

 

It felt like Kara was waiting.

 

Lena felt like she was waiting.

 

Nobody knew how to stop waiting and start acting.

 

Lena began feeling guilty on an almost daily basis. It was one of those things that had slowly crept up and taken a hold on her, without her really doing anything to hinder it in any way. The more she thought about it, the less sense it made to her. She was taking care of her job, trying to do something important that might be able to help her country, not only back home, but maybe even military wise. She had absolutely nothing to be sorry about. And if Kara wished to see her more often, she could simply say so.

 

Yet Kara didn’t say so.

 

“You know, maybe she just wants to give you some space?” Maggie suggested. Working next to Lena while she was increasingly trying to distance herself from everybody wasn’t as fun as one might suspect.

 

“I’m a big girl; if I wanted space I would say so.”

 

Lena was leaned against her desk, blowing at the hot steam from her freshly brewed coffee, while Maggie was seated across from her, legs spread and leaned back. It was one of those rare moments that Maggie had actually convinced Lena to take a break with her.

 

Normally Lena would have preferred to keep working, but she was just getting so frustrated with the situation she found herself in, and sometimes it just felt so good to get to vent about her stuff. She had previously used therapy and visited psychologists, but that was a long time ago. She knew Maggie was Kara’s sister’s girlfriend, but it didn’t really matter anymore, she was just grateful that someone, no matter who, wanted to listen to her bitch about failing at being in a relationship.

 

“It never used to be so hard, you know?” Lena furrowed her brows as she spoke. “Whomever I was dating would just let me go about my day without any demands, and I let them do the same. No questions, no demands.”

 

“Maybe that was the problem.” Maggie tried to suggest. Lena nodded thoughtfully before continuing.

 

“But now…” she said. “Now it feels like there’s all sorts of things going on that I have no clue about. It’s so underhanded and everything feels so unsaid. Like there’s this subplot that I don’t know about going on in each of our interactions. I don’t get it! Honestly! Why is it so hard for her to just speak up! Why the fuck are women always this complicated?!” she complained, becoming increasingly frustrated as she stared into the empty space, completely engulfed in her own thoughts.

 

“Have you tried talking to her about it?” Maggie suggested.

 

“No… I don’t want to burden our relationship more than it already has been.” There was a hesitation in her voice. A small nagging part of her told her that there was more to the story, but she chose to ignore it.

 

“Then how the hell do you expect things to change?” Maggie all but laughed, shaking her head incredulously at Lena’s stupidity.

 

“I don’t know…” Lena surrendered, blushing slightly. She looked a bit like a pouting child, angry and embarrassed that she had been yelled at over something bad she had done, well aware that it was her own fault.

 

“Look, Luthor, I have a great amount of respect for you, but sometimes you’re just plain stupid.” Maggie said with a teasing smile.

 

“I didn’t tell you to have you insult me!” Lena protested.

 

“Then what the hell do you want? You can’t complain about Kara doing shite when you don’t even want to tell her that you’re clearly unhappy with how things are working out! True, women are complicated as fuck, but you’re just as much of a woman and just as responsible as Kara! Don’t tell me you can’t see that?” Maggie leaned back in her chair, a small smile playing at the corner of her lip as she looked seriously at Lena.

 

Lena paused for a second.

 

“How do you and Alex do it?” she asked.

 

“We talk! Like regular adults in a serious and committed relationship. Now I know you come from a shit family-“

 

“-Oh, please, don’t patronize me.” Lena interrupted with a roll of her eyes.

 

“-but Kara needs to feel wanted to be happy. Like most normal people. And when you go around working 24/7 and never give her the time of the day, including communicating with her, she’s bound to feel unwanted at some point.”

 

“Then why the fuck doesn’t she say something?! She barely even wants to kiss me anymore, let alone touch me! We haven’t had sex in three weeks! She doesn’t even tell me about her day anymore… I don’t know what to do… I just don’t want to lose her. I don’t know what I would do without her…”

 

Silence stretched for a pained second.

 

“Look, Luthor, again, all respect in the world, but I’m not the one who should be hearing this. Kara is. She needs to know that you miss her and want her instead of pushing her away. What’s that going to accomplish for you? You’re so scared of losing her that you’re creating what you’re scared of. I’ve seen that many times before, even done it a few times myself, and let me tell you; it’s a shit strategy. Only gonna get you what you’re looking for.”

 

“Then please, if you’re oh so wise, tell me what I need to do.” Lena had put a hand to her temple in frustration, and was now waving it around.

 

“Hell if I know, she’s your girlfriend!” Lena rolled her eyes as Maggie smiled. “I don’t know, cook her a nice dinner, write that you want to talk with her… On the other hand, don’t do that, she might get the wrong idea.”

 

“Gee, thanks.” Lena rolled her eyes again, but a creeping turn of the corners of her mouth betrayed her growing amusement.

 

“Do something romantic or something. Buy her flowers, take her out. Buy a strap-on, whatever.”

 

Lena buried her face in her hands to hide her now crimson face, muttering, _oh God_ , to herself.

 

“Or don’t. Take her to a dog shelter. Get tickets for the next big chick flick. Take her to the aquarium. Just do something to show her that you still want her. Because that seems to be the problem, really.”

 

Lena hesitated, feeling a rise of insecurity hit her.

 

“…What if she doesn’t want me anymore?” she asked in a small voice.

 

Maggie leaned forward in her seat, looking seriously at Lena.

 

“Do you even hear yourself? That woman adores you! She looks at you like you created the moon and sun! You could do whatever the fuck you wanted to her and she’d ask for more!”

 

“I truly hope you’re exaggerating, detective. I don’t want nor need that kind of power over anyone.”

 

Maggie paused, searched Lena’s eyes.

 

“Of course I am. Kara loves you. But you’re pushing her away and she’s letting you get away with it. And if you don’t change, someday the price is going to outweigh the gain for her. And then you’ll lose her. It will happen. No matter how much she loves you. Which she does.”

 

Maggie leaned back in her chair.

 

“So stop being stupid.”

 

Lena let out an amused sigh as she rubbed her forehead.

 

“I’ll try.” She finally said.

 

“Good, now let’s get back to work before your employees gets too excited about not doing anything.” Maggie smiled, getting up. Lena pushed herself away from her desk and went to stand behind it.

 

“Hey, Maggie?” she said, getting the detective to turn back around. “One more thing.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Thank you.” Lena said, smiling. “Honestly.”

 

Maggie gave her a satisfied loop-sided grin.

 

“Anytime, Luthor. Anytime.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This turned... Dark? Intense? Dramatic? Something? Well, it already has a M-rating, so I guess you've been warned already. Plus, you know me, and this story, so this shouldn't really surprise anybody at this point...

Lena wasn’t sure what was going to happen now. She knew deep within her that Maggie was right. She was pushing Kara away.

 

She was going to say something, any day now.

 

Any day.

 

Which day?

 

…She didn’t know.

 

It had to be soon. She knew that. She could feel their small bubble of innocence begin to morph and twist and turns into something a lot uglier. Bitterness lingering in the edge of Lena’s voice every time they spoke. The pain was slowly showing its teeth with every hug goodbye. A hesitant kiss on the cheek. Was it okay with a kiss on the cheek? Lena didn’t know anymore. Lena became slower and slower at replying to Kara’s messages, filled with a feeling of guilt. It was so stupid.

 

Eventually, everything reached it’s tipping point for Kara one evening.

 

They were sitting on Lena’s couch, watching a movie. A regular evening. An intense movie. One of those films about losing someone and finding someone new. Learning to deal with pain. Learning to use the people around you instead of carrying the whole world on your shoulder. Kara had suggested it. Lena was almost sure that it was Kara’s way of trying to kick-start a conversation between them. A not-so-subtle hint.

 

She felt sick. Heart thumbing. Eyes burning. Kara had put her arm on the couch, trying to welcome Lena to lean into her side. Lena hadn’t. An irrational part of her felt angry. Fuming. Why couldn’t Kara just open her mouth? Why did it had to be her? Why did she have to swallow her pride? If Kara had a problem, she could just say so.

 

“What did you think of the movie?” Kara had asked afterwards, turning to face Lena.

 

“I liked the acting. I think the story was very universal.” Lena had tried to smile. Kara laughed at the weak attempt.

 

“You didn’t like it very much, did you?” Kara smiled. As Lena looked into to Kara’s warm eyes, she saw nothing but the stars shinning in them. Saw nothing but honesty and warmth in her smile. This was the reason Lena had fallen in love with Kara. Her warmth, honesty and understanding. Her huge heart. It made her feel slightly sick to have it displayed so openly to her face. The guilt rose a tiny bit again.

 

“I’m sorry.” Lena said, looking down to her hands for a second as she leaned into the couch, an unsure smile grazing her lips.

 

“It’s okay.” Kara assured her, leaning over to take Lena’s hand in hers.

 

Then she shifted in her seat. Lena could see her moving in closer. She knew what Kara was doing. She was going to kiss her. Her heart beat faster, unsure of what to do. She panicked.

 

She turned her face away.

 

Kara stopped before she reached Lena’s cold cheek.

 

Lena could feel Kara exhale against her cheek, the warm air sending a chill down her spine. She cursed herself internally.

 

Kara pulled away. Leaned forward to rest her elbows on her knees, hiding her face in her hands.

 

Lena watched her. The hurt and disappointment oozed out of her. The air felt thick.

 

“I should go.” Kara whispered.

 

Lena wanted to reach out, to touch her, but she couldn’t bring herself to move.

 

“I’m sorry… Please, don’t leave…” She heard herself say.

 

Silence stretched. Pain stretched.

 

Then everything seemed to move fast as Kara got up, flailing her arms angrily in the room.

 

“Then what the hell am I supposed to do?! I can’t keep going on like this, Lena! It’s too much!”

 

Lena wasn’t sure she had ever seen Kara truly angry before. Not like this. It ignited the fire inside of her, all the guilt and the emotions she had been pushing away. All the anger. She got up, officially pissed off by Kara's outburst.

 

“Then you should have said something! This isn’t all on me! You’ve been here the entire time, you’re just as much a part of this, don’t come here acting all holy like this is my fault!”

 

Fire were burning in their eyes, voices raised.

 

“You’re the one who’s pulling away! Rao, you won’t even let me _kiss_ you anymore! What sort of relationship is this! I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshell, spending time with a fucking ghost!” Kara yelled.

 

“Then why the fuck are you still here?! If I’m such a horrible person!” Lena hesitated before moving forward to shove her finger into Kara’s chest. “You know what, screw you! If it bothers you that much to be with someone who has her own things going, then maybe you should fuck off to be with some damsel with a hero complex, that will wait for you to come home with dinner cooked, blowing your fucking ego through the roof! ‘Oh, Supergirl, how amazing you are! What would I do without you! Please, let me get on my knees and beg you to fuck me like the little whore I am!’ ” Lena mocked.

 

Before Lena knew what was happening she found herself shoved roughly against the wall, Kara hovering over her, her hand pressing against Lena’s chest. Lena had never seen this side of Kara before. She would be lying if she said it didn’t turn her on a tiny bit to see Kara like this.

 

“Shut up! I don’t want that! I DON’T WANT THAT! All I ever wanted was you! But you’re like a fucking poison! One moment it feels like the best fucking high I’ve ever had, the next moment you’re gone, leaving me to deal with this fucking _need_ alone! I want you! Not the bullshit excuses you give me! Not the fucking silence treatment! God, I can’t stand you! I can’t fucking stand being with you and I can’t stand being without you! I don’t know what you’ve done to me!” Kara was crying as she screamed out her frustrations.

 

“If I’m such a fucking satan reincarnated, then _leave_! I don’t even know what you’re doing here anymore! I’m a fucking Luthor after all, how the fuck did you think this would end anyway?! Just go!” Lena screamed back, trying to push Kara’s shoulder, with no luck. She was pushing all the buttons she could think of, desperate for some sort of reaction out of the blonde.

 

“Nobody ever told you to stay!” Lena continued. “If I’m nothing more than a _fucking poison_ then maybe you should just take off! Maybe everybody was right about me! I’m nothing more than a fucking last name in high heels without a fucking heart! Go home to cousin dearest and cry to him about how right he had been about me! I’m sure he’ll tell tons of story about my beloved brother, I’m sure it’ll be a real bonding experie-“

 

Before Lena had the chance to finish her self-loathing rant, Kara had kissed her roughly, pushing her head back against the wall with a thud. Before Lena had the chance to react properly, Kara had forced her tongue inside Lena’s mouth. Lena could do nothing but moan as Kara ripped open her blouse with her bare hands, pulling it hurriedly away from Lena’s arms with Lena’s help.

 

“Fuck!” Lena muttered as Kara pulled away to kiss and bite her neck roughly. Desperate hands were kneading her breasts roughly once Kara had pulled her bra down. Lena’s mind had gone completely blank, beyond turned on by Kara’s sudden burst of possessiveness.

 

Kara raised Lena’s skirt up so it was bouncing around her waist, wasting no time in snapping Lena’s panties off before shoving three fingers inside of her.

 

Lena screamed out loudly.

 

“Fuck, you’re wet!” Kara said as she bit Lena’s earlobe, before licking the base of her neck. Lena was nothing but a mumbling mess of wetness and butterflies as Kara moved inside of her, reaching deeper and faster, filling her up.

 

Lena wrapped her legs around Kara’s waist, pulling her hair roughly, digging her nails into her scalp. In return, Kara reached behind her and scraped her nails down her spine, surely leaving a mark. Lena didn’t mind, in fact she rather enjoyed it.

 

It had been so long since her and Kara had been intimate, so long since she had been able to feel Kara’s warm bodies against her own. So long since she had been touched. In many ways, it felt like coming home. This was new, though. This was raw and honest desire flowing through. This was unlike anything they had been doing since they decided to start dating. This was the opposite of all the hiding, opposite of the carefulness, opposite of everything they had tried to build.

 

For the first time since they had begun dating, it felt like they were back in Lena’s office where Lena had first fucked Supergirl. Lena felt the same mind blowing passion curse through her body as she had back then.

 

She came hard, wave after wave crashing roughly over her as Kara pressed her thumb roughly against Lena’s clit while still moving inside of her as she helped her get down from her high. Lena didn’t think she had ever experienced such an intense orgasm before.

 

“I don’t want to lose you.” Kara whispered after she had lowered Lena unto the ground again. They were still pressed against each other, clammy foreheads leaning together as Lena panted heavily.

 

Lena could feel the sobs begin wracking through Kara’s body. Gasping, she pulled Kara to her, hugging her tightly. Immediately Kara’s arms engulfed her in such a bone-crushing hug, she was afraid she soon couldn’t breathe. She let her continue though, holding her tight, rubbing her face against Kara as her arms roamed the back of her woman crying in her arms.

 

“You’re not going to lose me.” Lena told her in a low voice, silent tears streaming down her own cheeks despise her closed eyes. “We just need to learn how to communicate with each other.”

 

Lena hesitated, before she opened her mouth again.

 

“I want… No, I _need_ you to tell me when things are bothering you. If I’m being too distant or if I don’t listen enough, or if I’m not around when something’s important. I need to know that stuff, so I can do something about it. Otherwise we’ll just end up like this again, and I don’t want to lose you either.”

 

Kara nodded her head vigorously.

 

“I promise.” She said firmly, with all the conviction she could muster, desperate to come to some sort of resolution.

 

“I’m not fragile, I’m not going to break if you tell me. I just need to be able to feel that you’ll still be here when things gets hard. I need to know that you’re not running away. I need you to be able to stand up for yourself. For me, for us. Because things will unavoidably be hard at times. I need to know that you’re not going to hide. I don’t need space. I don’t need protection. I learned how to be strong and independent a long time ago, long before I should have.”

 

Lena felt her frustrations slowly rise again as she spoke. She pulled back slightly, keeping her hands on Kara’s shoulders, as she looked her in the eyes seriously.

 

“I don’t need your pity. I don’t need your patience. I’m not a broken doll that needs fixing. And I need you to respect that. If you can’t do that, if you keep walking on eggshells around me, then this isn’t going to work. Then I’m going to begin pulling away again, because I need to feel seen and heard.”

 

Kara just kept on nodding through her tears as she leaned forward and kissed Lena, slowly and lovingly, as if she was the most precious thing in the world. After a small period of time, Lena began feeling sorry for Kara, so she took her into her arms again, hugging her tightly.

 

“I want you to come to work with me.” Lena said, seeing as Kara was still too emotional to do anything but hold onto her. “I want you to see what I’m doing and what I’m working on. I want you to be a part of my life. Do you want that?”

 

Kara nodded enthusiastically against Lena’s neck.

 

“Good. Because I want to be a part of your life too. I want us to be together in this thing. I want us to be a couple. I want us to try and work on being _together_ , as a _couple_ , instead of this weird thing we’ve been doing until now.”

 

Kara just nodded again. They stood still for a small while until Kara had calmed down again.

 

Leaning back from Lena’s grip, Kara laughed at herself as she whipped away her tears, smiling sweetly at Lena, who couldn’t help but chuckle in return.

 

“God, we’re such fools sometimes, huh?” Lena said in fun, kissing Kara sweetly.

 

Kara in return, bend down to pick Lena up in her arms, earning her a yelp from the brunette as she carried her bridal style towards the bedroom.

 

“You’re my fool though.” She said, stopping for a second to kiss Lena. “And I’m yours. Now, if the lady has no more objections, I’d like to show her just how much I love her, and just how little fragile I think she is.” To make her point clear, she bent down and bit Lena’s earlobe again.

 

Lena merely chuckled excitedly as she bit her lip and blushed.

 

She didn’t think she had ever been this pleased with the outcome of a fight before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Intense? Is that the right word? Was it too much? I promise happier times to come! I just think that this was sort of necessary. Well, maybe they could have handled it better... Their very first fight! Let me know what you think/feel :)


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if this is filled with mistakes, didn't take the time to proof read, maybe I'll look it over tomorrow

”God, I look like I’ve been attacked by squid with mutated claws.” Lena whined, as she looked herself in the mirror the next morning. “I have a board meeting to attend today!”

 

Kara merely laughed, enjoying her view from the bed. Lena couldn’t help but smile and blush as she looked at Kara in the mirror. Seeing the light shine through her eyes so brightly, Lena didn’t know how she had ever been able to risk losing the ability to see that.

 

“You know, if it wasn’t for the fact that you’re practically made of steel, I would have so much fun taking my revenge.” Lena smirked, making Kara blush with happiness. Looking back at the purple marks visible against her all too pale skin, Lena couldn’t help but whine again. “This isn’t fair. It’s the middle of the fucking summer, it’s not even like I can use a turtleneck.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Kara said, trying to contain her chuckle as she smiled sincerely at Lena.

 

“No, you’re not.” Lena deadpanned, rolling her eyes.

 

Lena walked away from the mirror and over to the bed, where Kara was looking up at her. Lena turned Kara around so she was lying completely on her back before she lay on top of Kara, covering her completely. Intertwining her fingers with Kara’s she stretched both of Kara’s arms above her head, as far as she could go, before she leaned down to kiss Kara passionately.

 

“But then again,” Lena said, raising her head to look Kara in the eyes, “neither am I.”

 

She smirked as she placed both of her elbows on either side of the blonde’s head, continuing to kiss her just a little while longer, before she really needed to get up.

 

Lena paused in front of the meeting room when she got to work. Deciding that it didn’t hurt to be certain, she reached into her handbag to find a small mirror. She had to be absolutely sure that there wasn’t even one single sign of anything. She had chosen to go with a white sleeveless turtleneck and a black pencil skirt. Her hair was pulled up in a perfect high ponytail, not one single hair out of place. She looked professional and calm, completely pulled together. Stern eyes, unflinching mouth.

 

She got it.

 

And she did. Not one single person noticed anything. The only person looking suspicious was Maggie. Of course Maggie would notice something was up, what had she thought was going to happen, really? Lena thought she would die when Maggie actually smirked at her and winked suggestively. She hoped no one else noticed the slight blush forcing its way onto her cheeks. God, this meeting was taking way too long.

 

No one ended up noticing anything, even if Maggie send Lena not-so-subtle looks. They were too caught up in creating budgets and plans for the release of the new gadget. They had to plan ahead. Who would get access to it, how would they create a buzz around it. Which newspapers should they talk to, did they need to throw a release party, who would stand for a press conference, all that sort of stuff.

 

Lena knew they probably needed about a month or two before they were ready to release anything, so they needed to make plans. Delegations.

 

“So.” Maggie said when the meeting was done and the room was beginning to clear out. “I take it you got to _talk_ to Kara?” She had an evil smirk placed on her lips.

 

Lena rolled her eyes, trying her best not to blush again.

 

“God, I am not talking to you.” She said as she began walking out of the room and back to her office.

 

“Oh, come on, you know I’m just teasing you.” Maggie said as she hurriedly followed in Lena’s steps. “I’m actually happy you two finally got around to talk, I don’t think I could’ve hold Alex back much longer.”

 

At that Lena stopped and turned around, raising one eyebrow in surprise and question.

 

“Didn’t Kara tell you?” Maggie said, suddenly the one sporting the surprised face as Lena’s expression suddenly morphed into something much more stern.

 

“Tell me what?” she demanded. Maggie suddenly cursed herself for ever saying anything.

 

“Maybe this one is for Kara to explain.”

 

“I meant to tell you, I just didn’t know how to bring it up!” Kara said.

 

Lena was pacing Kara’s floor, more than a little pissed off. She had decided that Maggie was right; this one was for Kara to explain, so she had waited until she got over to Kara’s place in the late afternoon to find out exactly what Maggie had been close to talking about.

 

“So you meant to tell me your sister wanted you to break up with me, you just didn’t know how to tell me?” Her eyes pierced through Kara, and the blonde had to swallow, hard.

 

“I’m sorry. We weren’t really speaking together, you and I. We haven’t been for a while. It didn’t seem like the right thing to bring up when I finally got to see you.” Kara cringed at her own words. “Oh, golly!”

 

“Did you seriously just say golly?” Lena stopped her pacing and couldn’t help smirking sweetly at Kara, who blushed and tried to hide her face in her hands. “You know, the thing that annoys me the most is that I have to hear about this stuff from Maggie.”

 

Lena tried to let go of some of her anger as she plumped down on Kara’s couch. Kara got up and went to kneel in front of Lena, taking her hands.

 

“I know, babe. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.” She kissed Lena’s knee.

 

“I’ve just felt so left out lately. Like you and everybody else have just made this decision to cut me out of the loop. I don’t want _Maggie_ to _tell_ me about your life, I want _you_ to _include_ me in your life.” Lena looked slightly helpless down at Kara.

 

Kara got up from the floor to sit next to Lena before she took her under her arm, holding her close.

 

“Alex wanted me to break up with you because she saw how sad I was becoming when we began drifting apart and because I had told her that you had begun to stop replying to me. She actually wanted to come over and give you a piece of her mind, thank Rao I was able to stop her.” Kara smiled at that. “I told her that I love you and I knew what I was doing. That I was grown enough to be able to make my own decisions. She knew it was a lie. She could see I was hurting. I just couldn’t face even the suggestion of not being with you. Even if it hurt, I couldn’t bear to think about not having you in my life.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Lena said after a moment. She cursed herself a tiny bit. She hated feeling like she needed to apologize.

 

“It’s not your fault. I should have said something when we began to drift apart. I just knew that this whole relationship thing was hard for you, and I didn’t want you to feel like I was pushing you into something you didn’t want.”

 

Lena hesitated again, feeling her heartbeat elevate slightly.

 

“You’re right. This whole thing absolutely terrifies me. You mean more to me than I thought anybody would ever do, and it scares the living hell out of me. But I wouldn’t be in this relationship if it wasn’t something I wanted to do. Sometimes I need a push. I need to know that you’re going to be here and help with this thing, because if you start hesitating, then I’ll begin to hesitate and pull away. I need you to show me that this is okay, that this is good, that this is right.”

 

Lena leaned against Kara as she let out her insecurities. She hated having these sort of discussions, but she also knew they would get nowhere without them.

 

“I know. And I want to change that. I just get scared sometimes too, you know? You’re this cool high profile CEO of a major company, raised with money and expectations, and you’re just so beautiful and smart, and I’m just, you know…” Kara stopped, looking down.

 

“You’re just what? Supergirl? National City’s very own superhero, flying around town, rescuing countless lives, inspiring millions of people? The sweetest, most caring, utterly adorable reporter, fighting tooth and nail to always deliver the truth to the people?” Lena smiled, nudging Kara playfully. Kara blushed slightly, a small smile creeping up on her.

 

“I guess.” She said.

 

“You guess?” Lena teased, turning out of Kara’s arms to look her in the eyes. “Please, you know I’m right! Don’t even try to tell me otherwise!”

 

“But still!” Kara complained.

 

“Still what?” Lena waited patiently, looking Kara seriously in the eyes.

 

“I don’t doubt myself or the importance of Supergirl, it’s nothing like that. I just want to be able to make you happy. That’s all.” Kara shrugged a bit, looking self-consciously down at her hands that she was in the middle of wringing.

 

Lena blinked, a tiny bit perplexed. It was a weird and foreign thing for her, to have someone so truly dedicated to trying to make her happy. Sure, she had met person after person trying to kiss her ass and try to bend themselves over to please her every whim, but that was different. Those were people trying to ultimately gain something for themselves. Their only interest were her inherited power and money, not her actual being besides all that.

 

Kara, though.

 

Kara wanted her for her. Not her money, not her name. She wanted Lena, not the Luthor. She saw behind the Luthor name. Saw the person that lay beneath all that. It was refreshing. Perplexing. Frightening. Painfully so. Yet the biggest gift she had ever received.

 

She kissed Kara. She couldn’t really help herself. It was crazy, truly crazy, to have someone amazing doubt themselves on her account.

 

“You _do_ make me happy. More than you could ever know.”

 

They stayed on the couch like that for a while, just kissing gently. Lena trying to convey all her gratitude with gentle lips. It was nice, being together like this. Just enjoying the closeness of each other. Enjoying the warmth. The simple thing of being in the present of another warm human body with a beating heart and soul. Not only any body either, the body of the person you love and cherish, a body that brings you more joy than you could describe.

 

“I’m going to talk to Alex, don’t worry.” Kara said after a small while. “I’m not going to break up with you. We’re going to stay in this thing together, and I’m going to step up and fight for you.”

 

Lena leaned in to kiss Kara gently again before she began speaking.

 

“You don’t have to fight for me. I’m not going anywhere. Just don’t let me push you away when things get hard.”

 

She kissed Kara again before continuing.

 

“Why don’t I talk to Alex?” Lena suggested. “I’m your partner, we’re in this together. Let me show her that I’m going to fight for you too. That I’m not going anywhere any time soon.”

 

Lena kissed Kara again, before Kara moved away, looking her seriously in the eyes.

 

She hesitated for a moment.

 

“Are you sure you want to do that? She my sister, I can handle her if there is a problem. I know she gets overly protective.”

 

Lena leaned forwards again, kissing a not responding Kara gently again, not completely willing to break up their pattern.

 

“Uhuh.” She said, nodding, planting another small kiss to now slightly more responsive lips before continuing. “She just wants you to be happy. She wants you to be with somebody who’s going to care of you and be there for you, even when things gets hard. She’s even more careful because she knows my family history and doesn’t want to risk anything. I get that. I grew up being a Luthor; I understand that more than anybody else. It makes perfect sense.”

 

Kara seemed to still hesitate, so Lena kissed her again.

 

“I like your sister. I get why she acts the way she does, even if it’s sometimes a bit more than what may be necessary. But I love you too. And I just want the chance to show her that we’re not all that different when it comes to that point.”

 

She kissed Kara again.

 

“Okay?”

 

Kara merely gave her a hesitant nod, before she wrapped her hand properly around Lena’s neck, bringing them even closer and promptly ending any discussions between them.

 

Lena just smiled, happy to have gotten her way again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, looks like there's going to be another Alex talk. Judge is still out on whether I should send Lena alone or both Lena and Kara together. Tell me your thoughts and/or ideas! :)


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this took longer than usual, I've been really stuck on this chapter...

**Lena Luthor, 4:02 PM:** Meet me at Noonan’s Saturday at 10pm

 

 **Alex Danvers, 4:02 PM:** Why?

 

Lena paused. She hadn’t expected Alex to reply right away.

 

 **Lena Luthor, 4:03 PM:** You know why.

 

She sent it without hesitation. She was done waiting and sick and tired of feeling insecure. It was time she took things into her own hands and did something about her situation herself.

 

 **Alex Danvers, 6:15 PM:** I’ll be there

 

Lena looked at her phone in slight surprise. She was having dinner with Kara when the phone had beeped.

 

“Your sister just confirmed our meeting on Saturday.” She said aloud, still looking at her phone, before she decided to pack it away. It wasn’t really the type of message that required a response.

 

She was honestly surprised. She had been unsure about whether or not Alex was going to reply, and with what. Being honest with herself, she was probably expecting more hostility. Alex had been extremely careful around her and been more friendly than she had expected, given her family background and her and Kara’s background as well. She didn’t really have a lot of leeway left, understandably enough.

 

“You know, you don’t have to do this. You don’t have anything to prove.” Kara said, looking honestly at Lena. Lena smiled, touched by Kara’s concern for her. It was rather endearing. She reached over and took Kara’s hand in hers, gently caressing it with her thumb.

 

“You know I love you, right?” Lena smiled at her with so much love and innocence that Kara couldn’t stop the grin spreading on her face as her nose scrunched up cutely. “But that doesn’t change the fact that this is something I need to do.”

 

“Why?” Kara asked, leaning in further, a serious question written on her face.

 

Lena leaned back in her chair, considering the question. Taking a moment to think, she picked up her wine glass, looking at the dark red liquid as she swirled it before taking a sip. Putting the glass back down gently, she tapped her fingers on the table once. You could practically see the wheels turning in her head.

 

“Remember when I told you about when Lex went away to prison?” Lena didn’t bother to look up as Kara merely nodded, elbows on the table, completely engaged in whatever Lena was about to say. “I remember that moment so clearly. Standing in the doorway, watching my mother pack his stuff like nothing ever happened. I remember wanting to scream at her, just yell from the top of my lungs. I just wanted some sort of reaction out of her. Some sort of recognition that this wasn’t normal.” Lena smiled bitterly at the memory before continuing.

 

“I don’t think I can count the times that I have vowed to myself that I would never turn into my mother. I hated her for her coldness, her absence. I hated pretending. A Luthor never cries. That’s what I was raised to believe. But I do cry, and I am human. I do have feelings, even if I was never taught how to respond to them properly from home. And I do love you. Genuinely. And it is scary. And as much as I despise my mother, I have a tendency to close myself off emotionally whenever things gets hard, just like she does. But I am tired of running away from my feelings, and I am tired of letting them take control of me, because they don’t deserve that kind of hold over me.”

 

Lena raised her head proudly and looked Kara straight in the eyes as she spoke.

 

“A part of not wanting to become my mother is doing something else than what she has done. I hated the lies and the secrets. I couldn’t stand it. And I don’t want to create that in my own life. If that means that I have to stand up for myself and own my mistakes, I don’t have a problem with that. If I want this thing we have to work in the long term, I need to take responsibility for my part. And that includes talking to your sister.”

 

As brave as her speech had been, she couldn’t help but to cringe slightly at the last sentence, suddenly very unsure of what she was doing.

 

Why was it exactly that this was so important?

 

She kept thinking that even as Kara dropped her off too early at Noonan’s on Saturday.

 

“If there’s the slightest thing, just call me, okay? And I mean that. I don’t want you to feel like anybody is coming after you or anything.”

 

Lena kissed her to try and rid her of her nerves.

 

“It’s going to be okay. I’m a Luthor, remember? It takes a lot to scare me off. Plus, it’s no big deal. Just a friendly conversation between two people who have in common that they both love you very much.”

 

She stroked Kara’s cheek gently before kissing her a last time.

 

“Okay.” Kara muttered, a content smile on her lips. “Take care.”

 

“I will.” Lena promised, running her hands down Kara’s arms before moving away. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

 

Kara nodded sweetly, moving away. “Yeah, sure.” She called after her before taking off.

 

Lena sighed heavily, gathering herself, before she stepped into the bar to order a cup of black coffee and a scone. There would still be another half hour before Alex would show up. Choosing a seat by the window, Lena sat down and picked up her iPad from her bag so she could get some work done while she waited.

 

Alex arrived on the clock, not a minute earlier or later.

 

She didn't waste any time walking directly over to Lena, pulling the chair out a bit more forcefully than necessary and sitting down.

 

“You wanted to talk, let’s talk.” She said.

 

Lena arched her eyebrow, an unreadable expression on her face.

 

“Well, you certainly don’t waste any time.” She commented.

 

She stood still for a second, while Alex just waited for her to continue. Lena’s mind went blank. She had no clue how she wanted this to play out. She could either keep her serious business/Luthor tone up and show she wasn’t anybody to mess around with, or she could let down her guard and try to be as humanly relatable as possible.

 

“You told Kara to break up with me.” Was the statement she chose to say. Matter-of-factly, too ambiguous to be taking any stance.

 

“Yes.” Alex merely replied.

 

Lena stared somewhat dumbfounded at Alex, arching her brow incredulously once more. She wasn’t sure if hurt actually flashed across her own face, but she would be lying if she didn’t feel a small sting. She looked down for not never a second, before giving Alex a cold stare.

 

“Maybe this was a bad idea.” She decided, beginning to pack her things.

 

“So what, you’re going to leave? Like you always do when things get hard?” It wasn’t as much of a question as a statement. But it worked. Lena stopped what she was doing. She looked even more incredulously at Alex as she let out a humorless laugh and shook her head, leaning back in her seat.

 

“You don’t know me, so don’t pretend otherwise.” Her voice was laced with poison.

 

“You’re right.” Alex said, leaning back in her own seat and crossing her arms. “I don’t. But what I do know is that for some reason that’s beyond me, my sister cares for you, even when you keep screwing her over.”

 

Lena felt anger flare inside of her and she turned her head downwards slightly, her eyes cold and cutting as they met Alex's.

 

“What’s going on in our relationship is between me and Kara.”

 

“It stopped being between you and Kara the moment she came running to me, crying her heart out because her girlfriend keeps pushing her away and doesn’t want to see her.”

 

Lena stilled, felt guilt cut her like a knife. She raised her head, keeping herself above waters.

 

“It becomes my business the moment you start breaking her heart. When you don’t even have the decency to stand up for her, but instead just expect her to fulfill your every whim, without ever doing anything in return.”

 

Lena shook her head, set her jaw.

 

“So please, do tell me why it is Kara should be with you, because so far you’ve cost nothing but damage.”

 

“I love your sister.” Lena tried, raising her voice slightly.

 

“You have one hell of a weird way of showing it.” Alex interrupted immediately, making Lena lean forward in spite.

 

“Look, I didn’t come here to fight or to argue. I came here to tell you that I’m not going anywhere. I’m here to stay. So I suggest that you get used to it.”

 

Lena huffed as she leaned back in her chair before she continued.

 

“This is ridiculous. I know you love your sister. I know you want to protect her. I want that too. You have no clue about my background and frankly don’t get to tell me who I am or how I feel.”

 

Lena looked down at her crossed arms, took a moment to calm herself down.

 

“I love Kara with all my heart. I didn’t even know I could love someone this much, but she means the world to me. And if you think that I’m just going to roll over and take it because we had a rough path, then I’m sorry to inform you that you’re sorely mistaken. You’re right, maybe I don’t deserve Kara. I probably don’t. But that doesn’t mean that I’m going to give up without a fight.”

 

They sat still, neither of them wanting to break eye contact, both of them trying to figure the situation out.

 

“I’m just scared that as soon as things don’t go your exact way, you’ll be running away, leaving a heartbroken Kara behind for me to deal with. She has a giant responsibility lying on her shoulders at all times, she can’t afford to be worrying 24/7 about whether or not her girlfriend wants to even spend time with her. That’s unfair to her. It feels like you’re keeping her hostage in this push and pull game and it’s driving her insane. It’s going to get her killed in the end if she keeps being this off her game as when she’s with you. And that’s not an exaggeration. She’s constantly overworking herself because she has a tough time keeping her head in the game. Because of you.”

 

Lena looked down and away, feeling slightly ashamed of herself. She knew it was true. Kara was constantly out there exposing herself to danger. She couldn’t afford to be off balance.

 

"I hope you know that that's not what I want. I hope you know that I want her to be safe. It’s… hard for me… doing this whole relationship thing. And I know that it doesn’t excuse my behavior, I just… I freaked out. I got caught up in myself. I got caught up in my work. I got busy. That’s what happens when you run a multibillion company. You have work to do. I can’t put that aside just because I have a social life. Kara knew that when she went into this thing. She could have said anything anytime she wanted, but she didn’t.”

 

“So you decided to push her away?”

 

Alex looked expectantly into Lena’s eyes.

 

Lena threw her hand in the air, beginning to become more than a little pissed.

 

“You know what, I’m a human being just like everybody else. I don’t need to excuse myself to you.”

 

“And what about the press? How many people know yet that the two of you are dating? It’s only going to be a matter of time before someone with a smartphone snaps a picture of the two of you and this whole thing is going to be making headlines. What’s going to happen then? Will you still stick by her or are you going to run away again? It’s dangerous for Kara to be in the spotlight. She has to protect her identity. Dating a Luthor puts an extra target on her back, and I just really don’t want to see that happen. She has enough enemies in her life as Supergirl, she doesn’t need any enemies as Kara Danvers.”

 

Lena had to look away again in contemplation as Alex continued.

 

“How many times has someone tried to kill you just within this last year? Your mother is the leader of Cadmus, how exactly do you think that will run over?”

 

Lena flinched slightly.

 

“My mother couldn’t care less about me. She’s not a player in this thing. And I don’t care if people know we’re dating. I love Kara; I’m not going to leave her. We’re a team now. I’ll help protect her in any way possible. I have money and contacts I can use if necessary. I’ll make sure no one ever comes close to her. I can make her a ghost if need be.” Lena had begun raising her voice slightly, getting increasingly annoyed.

 

“I just don’t want that for her.” Alex retorted.

 

Lena finally felt like she was done with this line of attack and stood forcefully up from her seat.

 

“Well, too bad, Kara is a grown woman, she can figure out what she wants for herself.” The words were practically yelled, and she cursed herself and closed her eyes as the room went quiet, all eyes on her. Opening her eyes again, she flinched as she caught sight of Kara, standing with a bag in her hands by the counter, looking at her in slight shock.

 

“Kara?” Lena almost whispered, fully knowing she would be able to hear her. Immediately Alex spun around in her seat, all eyes now on the blonde.

 

Kara’s face went instantly red and she became completely flustered, dropping the bag in her hands. Cursing and mumbling incoherently, she went to pick up the bag, only to knock her head on the counter on her way up. Lena stood still and watched the scene unfold as the cashier went to help her. Kara rubbed the back of her head, talking to the cashier who took the bag from her again. Looking around awkwardly, Kara stepped with carefully long steps and raised shoulders closer to Lena and Alex.

 

“What are you doing here?” Lena asked, not knowing what to do or think.

 

“Hi…babe! Uhm… Surprise!” She smiled widely, doing jazz hands for a second, before awkwardly removing her hands and scratched the back of her head, looking completely flustered and embarrassed. “Oh, jeez…” she said, mostly to herself. “Well, this is… awkward… And I’m only making it worse…” Kara looked to Alex for support, who merely raised her eyebrows in amusement and stared back at her. Kara tried to wave at her, but it had little effect. Lena’s blank serious expression didn’t help her much either. “Why, hah, is everyone looking at me.” She tried to joke, but it didn’t really help. Finally she tried to drop the act and look between the two woman.

 

“Snapper...asked me to bring him lunch. I tried to tell him that I’m not his assistant, but it didn’t really seem to work all that well.”

 

“And you couldn’t just send someone else?” Lena asked.

 

“I didn’t really think that far… I’m sorry?” she asked, grimacing at her own awkwardness. Looking at Kara, Lena decided that she couldn’t really stay mad at such a cute face, so instead she reached out to take Kara’s hand in her own.

 

“Well, I’m happy to see you, even if your timing is kind of off.” Lena gently pulled Kara a bit closer, giving her the faintest kiss on the cheek, before pulling away again.

 

“Yeah… I’m sorry… I couldn’t really help but overhearing you guys… Which only makes this thing even more awkward!” She smiled ironically again, blushing furiously, looking at Alex’s now amused face.

 

“Miss?” they heard the cashier call out behind them.

 

“I should probably get that.” Kara called, still smiling widely. “But…” Kara flinched, smile disappearing. “I feel like I should probably stay here afterwards so we can talk together.” Then she turned back around, heading for the desk.

 

Lena sighed and sat down, avoiding looking at Alex at all cost. She was still slightly pissed at her, slightly embarrassed too, now that Kara was here. She didn’t really know what she had imagined, but this certainly wasn’t it.

 

When Kara returned she pulled a chair away from one of the nearby tables and sat down closest to Lena, putting the new bag on the table in order to take Lena’s hand in her own. Alex just looked at them slightly incredulously.

 

"Look, I really didn't come here to fight." Lena said seriously, breaking the silence.

 

Alex relaxed a bit at the sight of Kara’s pleading eyes.

 

“I just wanted to see if we could be able see eye to eye. As I said, many times by now, I’m not going anywhere.” Lena tightened her grip on Kara’s hand as she looked at Alex, talking to both of them. “I know I’m not going to get your blessing, that’s fine. I get why you’re concerned. I understand why you’re playing devil’s advocate or whatever it is that you’re trying to accomplish. I get that. But no matter what you say, in the end it’s still going to be Kara’s decision whether or not she wants to be with me. Not mine, not yours, not anybody else’s.”

 

All eyes were on Kara now, expectantly waiting. Lena hoping, with all she had in her, that she was making the right decision to put everything on Kara, knowing without doubt that she had. Kara looked slightly remorseful, giving Alex an insecure look.

 

“I want to be with Lena.” She stated simply. “And I’m not going to stop just because you tell me too. I love you, Alex.” She said in a slightly pained tone. “You’re my sister. You’re one of the most important people in my life. But I also love Lena. And I know things isn’t always going to be simple, and I know that there’s a lot at risk, but I’m not going to give up just because there’s a bump in the road. That happens to all couples. Or did you forget how much Maggie hurt you when you first came out?”

 

“That’s not fair, Kara.” Alex said. “Those were different circumstances.”

 

“I know.” Kara searched Alex’s eyes. “But you didn’t give up on her. Like I’m not giving up on me and Lena just because we sometimes suck at communicating correctly.”

 

Alex sat still contemplating.

 

“Okay.” She finally said, much to both Lena and Kara’s relief. “I still think that we should make a plan for how this should go down in the long run-“

 

“-I agree.” Lena quickly stepped in.

 

“-But if this is really what you want Kara, who am I to stop you? I just hopes she makes you happy.” she said truthfully, a pleading look in her eyes.

 

“She does.” Kara said. “More than you know.” Kara gave her the smallest smile as Lena blushed slightly and looked down to her and Kara’s joined hands in her lap. She felt so loved and protected in that moment.

 

“But I’m done giving warnings, Luthor.” Alex said more seriously. “If you end up breaking her heart, I will hurt you.”

 

“Alex!” Kara complained.

 

Lena just looked her seriously in the eyes.

 

“Deal.” She said. “Now for the love of God, can we all stop fighting?” A small smile slowly spread on her lips.

 

Alex’s serious face broke, a small but loving smile forming on her lips too.

 

“Deal.” She said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I TOTALLY forgot that Lillian was a person that existed!!! This could SERIOUSLY ruin the ending I had in mind!! PLEASE help if you have ANY idea about how to handle her!!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I have a plan for dealing with things, thank you guys for all your comments! It still amazes me how many people are interested in this story and are reading along! It means the world to me :)

The mood seemed to lighten considerably after the talk. Alex seemed to respect that Lena wouldn't simply lay down, and so she began to try and include both her and Kara rather than push them further apart. Lena herself felt more confident than ever, making sure to include herself and make her presence known, so no one would be able to leave her behind. Even Kara had lightened up. She was overjoyed with the fact that everybody seemed to somewhat finally get along, and thrived in her newfound freedom of sharing everything with Lena, both good and bad.

 

Lena found it absolutely endearing, the way Kara would fly over to her place after a long and hard day and just fling herself over her couch without thinking about greeting Lena properly or announcing that she would be coming over. Or how Lena would come home from work and would find Kara in her shower with take out on the kitchen table. Always an extra bag from Lena's favorite organic place. She had tried to convince Kara to grab something for the both of them instead of only for Lena, but it seemed almost impossible to get the blonde to eat anything other than pot stickers and pizza.

 

There was a sort of domesticity about it that Lena enjoyed more than she would have thought. She liked how comfortable Kara was in her personal space. It was nice, dating, dressing up, the excitement of the first kiss and a new crush. But it was also incredibly exhausting to constantly try to show yourself from the best side possible at all times. Constantly worrying about what the other person might think about you.

 

In a lot of ways Lena felt like she had finally found some sort of resemblance to the kind of home she had always wanted as a child. Welcoming and undemanding.

 

"-and then he just disappeared!" Kara continued, telling Lena about her day one late evening curled up on the couch.

 

"I mean, he could at _least_ have given me the decency of a fight. I could have _easily_ taken him down if he would just _stop_ _hiding_ behind all that mojo." She said.

 

Lena smiled, looking at Kara with a lazy sort of wonder.

 

"I don't doubt it for a second, honey."

 

She nodded and paid attention as Kara continued with her story, not really listening to her words. Kara just looked so damn cute when she was passionate about something that annoyed her; it was hard _not_ to stare instead of hearing.

 

"Anyway, how's it going with your project? I haven't really heard all that much about it since I went to visit you last."

 

Kara had visited Lena at work like they had planned. It was nice; getting to include Kara in what was going on, inviting her to join in. She even made for Supergirl to visit another day, to test things out. It had made a nice headline:

 

'New Super and Luthor Team: Lena Luthor joins forces with family enemy, Supergirl'.

 

It had been a nice article, concentrating on how National City was a new city with a new superhero and a new Luthor heir, who chose to put their family feud behind them in order to do good. Of course published at CatCo with exclusive photos by Jimmy Olsen showing Lena pretending to show Supergirl around for the first time and introduce her to her workers and the project. There was even a photo of Maggie and Supergirl shaking hands:

 

'Supergirl even took her time to thank our officers for their hard work.', it had read underneath.

 

It was a good publicity stunt. Plus, it meant that Lena could have Kara test her field out with the now almost finished device.

 

"Well, the device is more or less finished by now. We'll be throwing a gala to introduce it by the end of next month. I... was planning on inviting you as my plus-one." Lena hesitated a bit at the last part. "Alex and Maggie will be there too, I invited Maggie to hold a speech on behalf of the police enforcement since she was the one helping me out."

 

"That's a great idea!" Kara exclaimed, smiling supportively at Lena as she squeezed her knee softly. "I'd love to be there! Gosh, I might need to find a new dress though; I don't think I have anything nearly as fancy as the stuff you wear." A frown slowly made its way onto her face.

 

Lena laughed, feeling her heart flutter in her chest.

 

"Don't worry about it, darling. You'll look fabulous no matter what you wear." She leaned over and kissed the blonde, seeing a small blush appear on her otherwise utterly content face. "But if you want, I could always take you shopping? My treat of course."

 

Kara smiled widely, a small glint in her eye.

 

"Shopping with Lena Luthor? I could only imagine the fancy places you visit when you go out. Not even sure if would be allowed inside!" she smiled amusedly.

 

"I assure you, there's no place you can't go as long as you're with me."

 

"Uh, it would totally be like that scene from Pretty Woman! That would be hilarious!" Kara exclaimed excitedly at the prospect of having Lena tell everybody off on her behalf.

 

Lena laughed again.

 

"I think you've seen too many romantic comedies, sweety. I'm not sure that's how real life works." There was a glint in her eyes as she said it. "But you know what?"

 

"What?" Kara asked curiously.

 

Lena leaned in close, placing her mouth right next to Kara's ear.

 

"If you behave nicely, I might take you lingerie shopping with me. I could model a few items for you if you'd like."

 

Lena smirked at how red girlfriend's face turned, before she squealed and laughed as Kara pushed her down on the couch, kissing all over her face.

 

"Have I ever told you how much I love you?" She asked as Lena laughed when Kara tried to tickle her. Finally managing to grab hold of the fleeing hands, Lena pulled them above her head.

 

"No, I don't think so. You might just have to show it to me."

 

"Rao, so many demands." Kara teased a smiling Lena, before leaning down to kiss her properly.

 

In truth, the thought of the gala scared Lena a lot. It would be the first time her and Kara would officially show up at an event as a couple. There was a lot of implications involved in a move like that. First of all, coming out as a gay CEO would surely attract a lot of attention. It wasn't like Lena had ever claimed to be straight, she just hadn't really dated anyone this seriously before and had always been a believer that her private life was her own, and wasn't anybody else's business. If she had had girlfriends before, she was always careful to avoid too crowded or public places, making sure things were kept on the low key.

 

Second of all, her mother would attend. And even though she had no clue who Kara was, Lena knew her mother didn't want her to be seen with any woman around her arm, period. She would sooner have her daughter in a fake marriage to a rich man of a well-known family than have a lesbian CEO running her company.

 

"You wouldn't even have to sleep with the man, you could just pay your away around having affairs with as many women as could possibly imagine."

 

When Lena had just stared incredulously and angrily at her, she had added,

 

"Well, what did you think politicians and other wealthy people did? Sleep with their spouses?"

 

At the time, she hadn't believed the words coming out of her mother's mouth.

 

Not that she cared what her mother thought. As long as she didn't begin pulling at her contacts to try and take Lena down. It would be a seriously bad move for the company to throw down a newly come out lesbian CEO because of her sexuality, but Lena was still unsure about how much her reputation amongst her circle of rich and powerful bastards meant compared to the reputation of the previous Luthor-Corp.

 

The worst threat though, was the one to Kara.

 

As much as it pained Lena, Alex was completely right. Kara couldn't afford being in the spotlight and getting the publicity there would surely come with dating a Luthor publicly.

 

Ultimately, it would still be Kara's choice, whether or not she would come out as officially dating Lena Luthor, but Lena could still worry.

 

“You know, I once had J’onn J’onzz transform into me when Cat Grant began suspecting who I was.” Kara suggested when Lena told her about the concerns about the safety of her identity.

 

“Did it work?” Lena asked, trying to find some sort of comfort some place.

 

“God, she was so embarrassed. Made me promise never to tell a living soul.” Kara smiled at the memory, making Lena smile too.

 

“It would make sense for Supergirl to make an appearance. It’s going to be a high profile gala, the likelihood of something going wrong is big. I do have a lot of enemies, you know that better than anybody else. You’ve even had to safe my life before.”

 

“I promise, nothing is going to happen to do.” Kara quickly stepped in to assure her.

 

“That’s not what I’m scared of, honey. I’m just saying that it would make sense if Supergirl made an appearance. And it would lead suspicion away from you. If you’re going to be in the media, people are going to see you and it wouldn’t take long for some conspiracy believer with too much time on their hands to put two and two together. Especially since Supergirl just visited L-Corp right before the gala.”

 

Kara was silent, looking down at her hands, turning them over and fiddling with them sadly.

 

“I wish it wasn’t such a big deal.” She said, still looking down, a hint of disappointment in her voice. “I just to be out there, holding your hand, letting the whole world know how much I love you. I wish I could just scream it from the sky.” She looked up dreamingly, out into the empty space, still saddened by the thought.

 

“I know how tough this can be for you, babe.” Lena said, putting her arm around Kara in solitude, trying her best to comfort the woman. “But this is for your own safety. To make sure that you can still keep living a somewhat regular life, without having to worry about also being Supergirl.”

 

“I know.” Kara all but whined as she leaned further into Lena’s arms. “It’s just so frustrating! I hate feeling like I have to be two different people all the time! I wish I could just be not. Not either Kara Danvers or Supergirl. Just Kara Zor-El. I miss my planet. I miss my home. I miss my people. Sometimes I wish I could just be _normal_. Just for once. All my life I’ve just wanted to fit in. To feel like I belong.”

 

Kara felt a small tear running down her cheek.

 

“Oh, but honey, you do belong.” Lena said, kissing her head. “You belong right here with me. You belong home with the Danvers, your family. There is so much love and light in your life. And it’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to miss your home. Just remember that you’ll never be alone. I’m right here, love. And I love you just as you are. Not only Kara Danvers or Supergirl. I love you, Kara Zor-El.”

 

Lena wasn’t completely sure what to say or do, so she just held on to Kara. Kissed her head as she let her mourn the loss of her real family and her planet.

 

“This isn’t the end of the world.” Lena told Kara after some time. “I’m sure J’onn with help us with this, and then there won’t be any problem anymore. People get to see you by my side, meeting Supergirl for the first time. And I’m sure the DEO can figure out how deal with the press if they begin to get too nosy about my new girlfriend. You’re such a goody two-shoe, I’m sure it must be boring trying to find any dirt on you.” Lena joked, making Kara laugh a bit again.

 

“Let’s not think about it anymore, okay?” Lena suggested. “There’s still a long time until the gala, there’s no need to worry prematurely. For now I just need to worry about arranging this damn thing. I need to go shopping for a  new dress as well.”

 

“But you got a giant walk-in closet! What do you need a new dress for?” Kara smiled incredulously at her girlfriend.

 

“I know, but I want to make sure I match with you.” Lena said, feeling slightly embarrassed.

 

“That’s so cute.” Kara said, smiling as she leaned over to give Lena a small peck on the lips.

 

“We’re going to look so awesome!” Kara said. “Supergirl and Lena Luthor. Pure power couple.” Kara laughed at herself as she kissed Lena again, feeling happy. Even if nobody else could know her identity, it still excited her to know that her girlfriend was none other than Lena Luthor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next couple of chapters are probably going to be the gala followed by an epilogue of sorts, just so you know :)


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have not proof-read this chapter, just a fair warning. I lost a page halfway through because computers are stupid sometimes, and am currently writing in the middle of the night before going to Egypt for vacation in the morning.
> 
> There will be maybe 2 chapters left, though it's not a fixed number yet.

As it turned out, Lena was more of an impatient shopper, while Kara loved to take her time to look through every corner of the stores they visited. Lena had tried to take Kara to the rich designer brands that she had been used to visiting, but it was so clear how out of her element Kara felt, that Lena almost felt bad for her, and had instead let Kara drag her on a grand tour of all of _her_ usual shopping places.

 

Lena would be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy it just a little bit. While waiting for her girlfriend to change over and over again wasn’t exactly very fun, she loved seeing how her face would lit up every time she found something she liked, and she loved how much value her girlfriend put on her opinion.

 

“Lena, I can’t decide!” Kara complained, holding up two different dresses. One was a classic, simple black dress while the other was a patterned shorter dress. “The black dress is more elegant, but I love the pattern on the other one! Help me!” Kara smiled out at Lena.

 

“Then why don’t you get both dresses?” Lena shrugged. It felt like they had been in the changing room for hours, and Lena was looking forward to just getting out and get some fresh air again.

 

“I can’t just buy both dresses!” Kara complained.

 

“Why not?” Lena asked honestly. “If it’s the money that’s the problem, I can easily buy them both for you. You can us them on different occasions, that way you always have a choice. Simple.”

 

“If I bought everything I wanted, I wouldn’t have any money _or_ space left. There _is_ a limit to my closet.” Kara retorted, looking both dresses over again. “Maybe the black is better for the gala?”

 

Lena rolled her eyes.

 

“Well, if it’s space you’re missing, then you could always keep them at my place.”

 

Instantly Kara’s eyes were on her in surprise, and Lena suddenly realized how that might have sounded.

 

“I know it isn’t something we’ve discussed before.” Lena continued, suddenly feeling slightly self-conscious. “But you’re over so often anyway; it would make sense for you to leave some clothes at my place. While I do love seeing you in my clothes, and trust me I do, we still have a different fashion sense. It would be nice if you didn’t have to worry about having to wear the same clothes if you sleep over. Plus, I have a whole walk-in-closet filled with stuff I haven’t seen in years. I could easily sort through my stuff and find more than enough space for your clothes. I could donate my old stuff to a charity, or we could sell it and use the money to buy new clothes for you to keep there.”

 

Lena watched as Kara’s smile grew softer and sweeter with every word she said.

 

“Lena, that’s a great idea, I’d love that.” Kara stepped over to Lena and grabbed her hand to pull her up from her seat. She put both her arms around Lena’s neck while Lena rested her hands on Kara’s hips. Slowly Kara leaned forward to kiss Lena slowly and sweetly, cherishing the moment. “I love you.” Kara whispered before moving away again.

 

Lena ended up buying both dresses for Kara, along with some other stuff for her newly promised closet space.

 

In actuality, it was something that had been on Lena’s mind for some time. They did spend most of their days together, and Lena had slowly grown used to having Kara over. Kara seemed to like it because of the space and the quiet, which was always nice after a long day of Supergirl work. And Lena loved the light and life Kara brought with her. At some point, maybe after some time, she did have a legit interest in moving in with Kara. And a small closet space seemed like a good place to start.

 

Now they just had to get through the gala.

 

The weeks up to it, Lena was stressed out of her mind. Of course she didn’t show it, but Kara knew it. She became more demanding. Less tolerant. The gala seemed to be either the only thing she would ever talk about, or the one think she refused to talk about, with little to no middle ground between the two extremes. She became tense all the time.

 

This time Kara saw the signs though. She pushed her own stuff to the side more in order to be there for Lena the way she needed. She became more patient with her. Tried (and failed, but oh well) to make dinner for her. Gave her flowers or had them send to her office. Gave her messages when she was tense.

 

It was nice.

 

Lena loved her for it.

 

And she made sure to tell her. Ever since their communication block had come down, they had become much more in tune with each other. Lena would actually speak to Kara and air her concerns, and Kara grew an almost uncanny knack for telling which mood Lena was in, merely by looking at her. So much, that Lena thought she was the first person to ever be able to do that. And while Kara was a horrible liar and terrible at hiding her mood, Lena became better at listening to her and figuring out what she needed depending on her mood.

 

It felt like they were finally becoming the team they were supposed to be.

 

The actual day of the gala was more stressful than before. Lena was there the whole day while Kara was away as Supergirl and at work, stressing about, coordinating everything, calling everybody, ordering her assistant around. Kara would for sure feel sorry for Jess if she had been there, but at the same time Lena wouldn’t have hired Jess if she hadn’t had a hardcore work-ethic. After all, Lena did have a company to run.

 

Being there also meant that Lena would make her entrance later on from within the building instead of arriving with Kara and the others.

 

Because she didn’t arrive with Kara though, it also meant that people wouldn’t actually know that Kara was Lena’s plus one, or rather, girlfriend, unless she made some sort of action to confirm it.

 

And if Lena was completely honest, the thought of that was way more stressful than any of her concerns regarding their new product.

 

Lena was proud of the gadget she had created. Her and Maggie had gotten along extremely well and worked side by side to create something that could actually help people. Not only was the device capable of detecting weapons, based on materials and detection of ammo, it was with the (secret) help of the DEO also modified to know a vast arrange of alien weaponry along with the ability to detect foreign weapons in case something unknown was to turn up, or in the case the device was made of unknown material. It worked within a 200 feet radius and took about 3 second to do a complete analysis. Moreover, it also send the information directly back to headquarters, in order to alarm other detectives if need be, but also to keep cops accountable in the misfortunate case of misuse of police force. Nothing was left to chance.

 

It was all and more than what Lena could have hoped for.

 

So when Lena looked herself in the mirror in her private bathroom attached to her office, running her hands nervously over her perfectly fitting, subtly patterned black dress, the device itself was the last thing on her mind.

 

Kara had flown by earlier and they had arranged to meet up at the event itself instead of them going together.

 

So that was taken care of.

 

But Lena couldn’t help her thoughts from flowing freely as she unpacked her bag and began to apply make-up.

 

She could kiss Kara when she came down from the stairs. If Kara was close by of course. That would make a great shot for sure. But would that be too direct? Would Kara appreciate that? She could mention her in her speech, thank her beautiful girlfriend for all of her support. She could already hear the clapping. The cheering. She would have to take an extra moment before continuing onwards. She could drag Kara along with her when she was speaking to all the investors, introduce her personally as her girlfriend. Hope Kara wouldn’t be bored out of her mind. Lastly, she could also act as if nothing had happened. Greet her, hug her, speak with her in between talking with investors. People would never suspect a thing. It would be like their own little secret.

 

Lena believed in secrets.

 

Hold them close to her heart.

 

As much as she liked the air of mysteries and things untold, though, secrets and things untold had been the one thing almost destroying her and Kara’s relationship more than once. No, this wasn’t the time or place to begin acting secretive.

 

The lights were almost blinding as she walked down the stairs on a red carpet, photographers and journalists doing their job. Lena smiled the best she could, acted as happy as could. She took a moment to look over the crowd, finally spotting a waving Kara standing next to Alex and Maggie somewhere in the middle. It made her heart beat faster with a mixture of comfort and nerves.

 

She could do this.

 

Stopping on the second lowest step, Lena smiled at the crowd, watched as they all seemed to move back in a circle around her, saw the two bodyguards standing on either side of the stairs, looking straight ahead.

 

“Welcome everybody.”

 

Her voice rang loud and clear over the crowd, and the previous mindless chatter instantly died down until there was a complete silence of anticipation. She took another second for suspense.

 

“I’m so glad that all of you could come to celebrate this release. This project has been very close to my heart from the very beginning, and I’m proud to have created something that exceeds all of my previous expectations.”

 

A small, natural and obligatory clapping spread over the crowd. Lena waited until it died.

 

“This device will be a complete revolution in terms of how police work is done, securing a safer and more accountable workspace for all of our police officers. We stand on the brink of a new time, where science and technology work together in order to create a new tomorrow for all of us, and L-Corp and I are proud to be contributing to it.”

 

The crowd clapped again as Lena paused once more.

 

“At 8pm there will be a presentation and a walk through in collaboration with detective Maggie Sawyer,” Another obligatory cheer at Maggie’s name. “the detective working alongside L-Corp on this project in order to maximize and customize our product to the actual need of police enforcement. Until then, enjoy the welcoming drinks and the good company.”

 

Lena was sure she heard Kara cheering in the background as she cameras went off and the crowd erupted in the first seemingly honest and big applause, before the room filled with chatter once more and the crowd slowly dissipated again.

 

Lena had barely stepped completely down from the stairs in order to search for Kara though, before she was there, hugging her tightly.

 

“I’m so proud of you Lena!” she said, hugging maybe a bit too tightly.

 

Lena laughed, blushing and still in shock of being thrown directly into a hug before she was able to even spot Kara. She was really going to have to get used to Kara’s super speed.

 

Before she could even react properly, Kara was pulling back again, only to move forward once more in order to kiss Lena.

 

She was barely able to kiss Kara back, before multiple flashes from multiple cameras began blinding her once more. Recovering from the shock of it all, Lena moved back a bit and laughed. Kara blushed and blinked as she looked over the small crowd of journalists quickly gathering around them. Lena even heard a gasp or two from the stunned crowd of by-lookers and a silence suddenly seemed to spread as everybody once again became aware of Lena and her apparent new love interest.

 

“Rao, I’m so sorry Lena.” Kara whispered, turning completely red again. She tried to hide her face close to Lena’s shoulder. “I don’t know what came over me, you just looked so beautiful and it was a really nice speech, and I was just so happy to see you, and now I’ve accidentally outed you to everybody, and I’m so sorry.”

 

Lena laughed, filled with happiness.

 

“It’s fine, I promise.”

 

Looking over the expecting crowd, Lena placed her hand on the small of Kara’s back, turning to face everybody.

 

“Now that it seems I have once again got everybody’s attention,” Lena said loudly and confidently despite her beating heart, “I’d like very much to introduce my girlfriend Kara Danvers, who has been my rock during this project and has always been there with love and support.”

 

Lena chuckled as Kara awkwardly waved towards the crowd as they applauded and cheered, even more so as Lena turned Kara’s face towards her with a gentle hand in order to kiss her softly.

 

In the end, Lena didn’t think she could have planned for a much better coming out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking one more gala chapter and then an epilogue, but we'll see. This chapter was incredibly hard to write for some reason, so I hope it's merely somewhat readable. Guess vacation is messing with my brain, and the whole SDCC thing didn't help with the creative juices. Thought about commenting on it. Guess all I really have to say is that I'm not jumping ship and that I'm in love with Katie McGrath. My sketchbook is currently almost only Katie McGrath. I swear, check the fanart out on my instagram, @isabelle.bernard it's crazy


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning, this chapter may be a small rollercoaster, but truly, you should be used to it by now. I actually wrote this chapter some days ago along with the next chapter, but it's not until now that I have internet. I'll post the other chapter in a couple of days :)

The evening carried on smoothly after that. Supergirl (aka J’onn J’onzz) came by as planned, shook Lena and Kara’s hand. Stayed for a few quotes and photos, much to the journalists’ pleasure, as well as to Lena and Kara’s relief. Hopefully Supergirl’s appearance next to both women would mean that Kara was out of the waters. The last thing they wanted was the headlines the next morning to be about Lena possibly dating Supergirl, instead of her dating previously unknown journalist and CatCo employee Kara Danvers. If their dating statues was going to be making headlines anyways, better for the right reasons.

The presentation went as smoothly as possible too. Maggie speech was good. It was serious, funny, sarcastic and witty in a way only Maggie could be. Alex cheered happily on from the side, standing next to Kara and Lena. Lena had casually put her hand on the lower of Kara’s back, where she kept it most of the night.

It was nice, the freedom to be affectionate together in public. Lena felt like a burden had been lifted off of her shoulders. Sure, she could hear the unpleasant murmurs around the corners, sure, some of her older and more conservative board members would surely be throwing a fit on Monday and probably try to rip her head off for her ‘publicity stunt’. But it didn’t matter.

Looking at Kara, the way she smiled, the way her entire face just lit up every time she looked at Lena, she knew that none of that would matter. She would gladly expose herself over and over again if it meant she could keep seeing that smile.

Kara let Lena drag her around when she went to speak to her investors and various guests of importance. The reactions she got went from warm hearted welcomes and cheerful congratulations along with encouraging words and personal stories, (“My nephew came out a year ago too; I know how hard it can be. Met this dashing fellow a few months later, they’ve been together ever since! Such a sweet couple! Always such a good boy, Nathanial.”) to weird looks and passive aggressive actions (one man simply refused to acknowledge Kara’s presence, even when she tried to shake his hand and say ‘hello’.), to the people who simply acted as nothing had happened, greeting both of them like they had done it a thousand times before without question or comments.

No one said anything directly mean-spirited though. They all had the brains to know not to mess with a Luthor nor her lover. 

Lena wouldn’t have recommended it either.

It was tiring though, dealing with so many different people. Lena could see it on Kara too.

“You know, if you want to, you’re welcome to go talk to Alex and Maggie. You don’t need to go with me, I promise it’s not going to get more interesting.” Lena told Kara in a low voice, taking a moment to themselves.

Lena saw the white flash and heard the click of a camera as she leaned close to Kara’s ear. Kara turned her head towards it for a second, but paid it no real mind. It had been going on like that for most of the evening, the journalists policing their every intimate touch.

“No, it’s fine.” Kara waved her concerns off dismissively. 

“You can’t even join the conversations since most of it is work stuff anyway.” Lena argued.

“It’s fine, I like seeing you in action.” Kara grinned. Lena didn’t buy it for a second, and a simple disbelieving look thrown Kara’s way was enough to break the blonde’s dissolve. “Okay, you’re right, it’s boring as hell.” Lena smiled victoriously at Kara’s pout. “But this is your big night and I want to be there for you. Plus, I know not everybody is going to like this whole ‘coming out’ thing, and it’s going to look better if we stay together. As a team.” Kara took Lena’s hands in hers as another light flashed. She paid it no mind at all this time. “I want to show everybody that I love you and that I’m not going to leave your side, no matter whether I understand what sort of fancy business stuff you’re talking about or not.”

Lena simply kissed Kara in response, neither of them caring about the flashes anymore.

“I love you too.” She said. “Now let’s get this over with so you and I can get to enjoy the rest of this evening.”

So Kara and Lena put back on their polite smiles and went out to greet the rest of the people, tiredly listening to the continuation of various reactions from various people. It was both rather entertaining and rather tiring, but never truly dull to see just what who thought or dared to say.

Kara took to flirting and teasing Lena between their conversations, succeeding in making her laugh and give both of them a much needed break, as they both whispered and joked about the various people. (“That guy have a stick so far up his ass, I’m not sure how he can possibly sit down.”) It became a thrilling game. How much could they get away with? How far did they dare to joke without risking people hearing them? How much could they flirt before one of them would break? (“God, I want to push you up against that wall so bad, show you that you truly  _are_  mine.”)

As soon as Lena finally gave them the get go they quickly tumbled upstairs, making sure they weren’t followed, before they came together, giggling and kissing, high from the exhilaration of coming out, giddy from the relief of having dealt with the most important people, longing from a whole night of teasing.

The upstairs had been closed off to everybody during the gala, so they didn’t bother to look around as they failed and then succeeded in kissing their way towards Lena’s office, not wanting to wait longer than necessary.

Lena closed her eyes and held Kara tight as she closed her door with her foot, lost in the sweet taste of Kara.

It wasn’t until they heard the clearing of a throat that they jumped apart, neither of them having noticed that someone else was in the room. Lena’s eyes went huge as she had the chance to get a look at the intruder. 

“Mom!” she exclaimed.

The room seemed to stand still as Kara went to stand in front of Lena, ready to protect her if need be.

Lillian was leaning against Lena’s desk, arms crossed in front of her casually. Her face was that of silent disdain. Her eyes squeezed slightly. Her mouth stretched into a thin, hard line. Her chin raised. Disproval. Disappointment. Indifference. Scornful. Lena straightened her back, met Lillian’s hard gaze straight on, showed no sign of weakness.

“So…” Lillian said after a pause. “The rumours are true then.” Lena didn’t say anything as she waiting for her mother to get on with her rant. “I knew about your small … _escapades_ , Lena, but  _this_?” she raised her voice slightly, stepped away from the desk in order to stand in front of the two women, only truly acknowledging Lena.

Kara stepped further in front of Lena, trying to act as a shield between Lena and Lillian. It wasn’t until Lena put her hand on Kara’s shoulder that she looked to her girlfriend.

“Kara, it’s okay.” Lena said in a soft, yet demanding voice. Kara threw Lillian a final look before stepping down. Lillian let out an amused huff at the interaction.

“Good to see you know your place.” Lillian said with an air of arrogance.

“ _Mother._ ” Lena hissed at her harshly. 

“Honest to God, Lena, I don’t even know  _what_  to say about this.” Lillian stepped closer, her dissolve breaking as her voice slowly rose, even quite reaching any real height. “Do you even know  _who_  she is?! I knew we haven’t always seen eye to eye, but to go around  _fucking_  the enemy?!”

“What are you talking about?” Lena’s eyes grew big, her eyebrows coming together in harsh confusion and anger.

“Do I really need to spell it out for you?! You’re  _sleeping_ with  _Supergirl_!” A part of Lillian looked almost pleased as Lena stepped back in confusion.

“I’m  _dating_ Kara Danvers,  _not_  sleeping with  _Supergirl_! Who do you think I am?!” Lena was furious, but most of all, she was completely panicked. And it showed. Her mother couldn’t know. Her mother mustn’t know. This would mean the end of  _everything_.

“Kara Danvers  _is_  Supergirl!” Lillian all but yelled. “She has you all wrapped up in her mind game. It’s time to wake up, Lena! Realise that she has been lying to you this whole time! I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but she tricked you! Will you please just stop this nonsense? For God sake Lena, I am your mother, listen to me, please. I only want what’s best for you. She’s nothing but a homicidal alien  _whore_ with a pathetic God-complex! I love you, Lena, you have to believe me.” Lillian looked pleadingly at her. Lena could see the hint of victory in her eyes as she looked at Lena’s confused and enraged look.

“Stop talking!” Lena yelled at her loudly. Obediently Lillian put up both of her hands in surrender and stepped back, smiling warmly, almost motherly at Lena. It made her sick to her core. Still panicked, she turned to look at Kara desperately. What she was met with though, was a pleading face filled with guilt.

Not exactly what she was expecting.

“ _Lena…_ ” Kara pleaded silently.

“She _knew_?” Lena asked her in a low voice, feeling stupider with the second.

“I—” Before Kara could even begin to try to explain herself, Lillian interrupted them both, now sporting a matchingly confused face.

“What do you mean if  _I_  knew?!” Lillian was becoming more furious with the second.

Lena let out a small incredulous laugh, dripping with fake amusement.

“Of  _course_  I know who I’m sleeping with! How  _stupid_  do you think I am?!”

“You  _knew_  she was Supergirl and you kept on sleeping with her! How could you?! Her cousin threw your own  _brother_  in  _jail!_  My only son! Or have you forgotten that?! Does Lex truly mean nothing to you anymore?! Is that how little you care about your own family?! Or are you really so desperate that your willing to spread your legs for the first filthy alien to glance your way?”

Lena moved forward with every intent of slapping her mom across the cheek,  _hard_ , but she’s stopped by a hand on her wrist.

“ _Let me go!_ ” she hissed as she struggled against Kara’s grip to no veil.

“Lena, you don’t want to do this. She’s still your mom.” Kara tried to reason. Her voice was soft and understanding, her eyes pleadingly searching Lena’s. As Lena looked at Kara’s face, she took a minute to calm down and relax, pulling back as Kara let go of her.

“Nice to see you finally have a  _watchdog_ to help control your temper.”

The words had barely left Lillian’s mouth before Kara was standing in front of her, fuming with anger.

“You better be wise to not forget who you’re talking to. One more word about Lena, and I  _promise_  I won’t hold back.”

Lillian didn’t even flinch as she met Kara’s eyes head on.

“Are you really going to let her threaten me like this?” Lillian asked Lena lowly, her eyes never leaving Kara’s.

“She can damn well do as she pleases!” Lena snapped, tired of acting polite. 

Lillian searched Kara’s eyes before she huffed amusedly and stepped back.

“I see there’s no point in trying to talk sense into you. Don’t worry, one day not too far away you’ll see exactly what I mean, and you’ll be begging me for forgiveness.”

“You’re delusional.” Lena commented on the side while Lillian simply continued to talk, paying her no mind.

“And you, Supergirl.” She said, looking threateningly at Kara. “You’ll regret the moment you came into my daughter’s life. I promise you, this isn’t over. This is  _far_  from the last time any of you have heard from me.”

And with that, Lillian merely walked out of the office, like nothing had ever happened.

Lena wanted to scream after her. Wanted to send Kara after her. She didn’t, though. Instead she merely watched her mom slowly walk away, until the last traces of the sound of her clicking heels were gone. Even then she stood still, looking into the air, feeling lost. Her mind felt blank. She tried and tried to kick-start it, desperate to make sense of things, but all coherent thoughts were blocked.

In the end Kara took her hand softly and walked her to the couch where she sat her down.

Lena looked blankly out into the air as silence stretched. After some time Kara decided that she should probably say something.

“I don’t know how she found out. I knew she knew, but I didn’t tell you because it wasn’t important.”

Lena’s voice choked slightly and Kara moved to put her arm comfortingly around Lena’s shoulders, the other one finding its home on her lap.

“If I had known she would have showed up like this, I would have said something. Lena, I am so sorry.”

Lena sighed heavily.

“It’s fine.” She whispered. “I promise. Just… hold me, please.”

And so she held onto her as Lena slowly let the tears roll silently down her cheeks, grieving for the little girl inside of her, desperate to please her mom and see her family be happy and normal like everybody else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I know the ending was maybe a bit of a downer. Don’t worry, the real ending isn’t going to be sad, the drama is soon over. Btw, does anyone know how Lillian knows?! I’ve tried to rewatch some episodes, but didn’t get smarter… 


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter has arrived! What a sad and happy day! Most of Lena’s experience with her mother is taken from my own relationship to my own mom, so hopefully it’s not too ooc for Lena. It has been a pleasure writing for you guys, I promise this isn’t the last time you’ll hear from me :)

Sunday morning after that evening, Lena found herself lying in bed with Kara, her head resting gently on Kara’s chest. The sun was streaming beautifully in through the big and open windows, filling the room with light and warmth.

 

“How are you feeling?” Kara asked softly.

 

“What do you mean?” Lena asked in a sleepy voice after a moment. It wasn’t hard to assume that Kara probably meant about the whole business with her mother. I wasn’t really something that they had had the chance to discuss before.

 

The story of their coming out had been blown up and out of proportions around the internet. Lena was highly requested for interviews. They had been used as the symbol of a new age for LGBTQ+ people, where even people of power and importance were able to come out and be a role model for all generations, to show everybody that there’s nothing to worry about.

 

It was like her coming out was slowly redeeming her family name. She was finally succeeding in standing out positively, both as a new LGBTQ+ hero, but also as a CEO working to improve police enforcement for the better. It was a clear win-win. Of course some people were still hesitant, others directly mean. She had already heard reports of various fundamentalists Christian priests deeming both her and Kara to eternity in hell. Luckily the numbers were few though, mostly extremely religious or very conservative old-fashioned people. Anti-alien organisations saying she’s betraying her family by trying to help protect aliens from the police.

 

The headlines were everywhere though;

 

‘Luthor’s New Lover’,

 

‘Lena Luthor Gone Soft?’

 

‘New OTP for the LGBT-Community’

 

‘Coming out: New device, new girlfriend’

 

‘Luthor In Love’

 

‘Luthor’s New Arm-Candy’

 

And so on.

 

It was rather amusing to see how creative the journalists could get.

 

Her phone and mailbox had been blowing up to the point where she had decided to turn off all work related devices, instructing Jess to only disturb her in case of an absolute emergency that could not wait.

 

Kara and Lena had spent all of their Saturday glued to television, listening to the rapports of them, watching the photos slide by. The press had especially taken to one particular picture in which Kara was stuffing her face with pot stickers while Lena was laughing at her, holding her from the side. While it was a rather cute photo of them, Kara cringed every time she had to look at herself in it.

 

“There’re so many good pictures of us, why _that_ one?” Kara had complained, much to Lena’s amusement.

 

“You look _adorable_ in it, plus it captures your whole essence perfectly.” Lena had teased, only to have a pillow thrown after her.

 

While Lena had been used to getting a lot of media attention, this was still a fairly new thing for Kara. Sure, Supergirl was constantly on the news, but not Kara Danvers. She soon found out just how vicious reporters can be, as her whole life was suddenly turned inside-out, every small mistake or fail blowing out of proportions.

 

“How can they do this? Don’t they have any moral codes?” Kara had asked incredulously.

 

“Don’t worry, give it a couple of days and this whole thing will have blown over. They just need something to talk about, you know that better than most people. Soon the next big thing will happen, and we’ll be nothing but an old memory.”

 

Kara had huffed in response.

 

“Just wait and see darling.” Lena had promised. “At least nobody has found any trace of a relation between you and Supergirl, which is the most important thing.”

 

And they hadn’t. Nobody suspected. Supergirl and her appearance had been mentioned in most of the more business related articles, actually talking about the device. The picture of Lena and Kara shaking hands with Supergirl had also been one of the photos making headlines, much to their pleasure. Supergirl had even been quoted some places, and people were putting emphasis on Lena and Supergirl’s great new work-relationship, keeping the story up about them putting their family name aside to help the community.

 

They had spent the entire day listening, watching, seeing everything unfold. They had spent hours talking everything over. What they were going to do, how they were going to react, whether or not they should actually do any interviews. Lena had told Kara stories from her own encounters with the press, both good and bad.

 

Told her about all the hatred she had gotten when Lex was arrested. About growing up with galas and pictures. How she herself had been in various articles various places growing up. It was a once in a while sort of thing. Whenever the press got bored on a slow day, they would sometimes think to themselves, ‘Remember the Luthors? Didn’t they have two children? I wonder how they’re doing’. And then a couple of years after, they would be asking themselves the same thing once more, and then a new interview would be drawn up.

 

The Lena talked about going into research. Her TED-talk and how that had given her a different sort of name. People talked to her for her brains rather than her cuteness and family name.

 

Lena would never admit to haven been ‘cute’, but objectively speaking she could understand why people would think she had been pretty as a child.

 

Maybe only a tiny bit cute in her young naïve state.

 

But no more than that.

 

She was a Luthor after all, and Luthors weren’t ‘cute’.

 

It had calmed Kara down a bit though. Had brought them a bit closer. It gave Kara a new perspective into Lena’s life that she hadn’t really considered all too much before, since it was hard to relate to.

 

And slowly, everything had seemed okay again. They had gone to bed that night, curled up together, with a feeling of relief.

 

It wasn’t until the next morning when Kara had asked how she was truly feeling.

 

“I know we’ve talked about this whole press thing yesterday, but we never really talked about the whole thing with your mom.”

 

“I didn’t know there was anything to discuss.” Lena answered without hesitation. Her tone was slightly bitter, her face a mask of stone.

 

“Come on, Lena, don’t be like that.” Kara pressed on.

 

Sighing, Lena sat up in the bed and ran a hand through her long loose hair, scratching her head slightly as she went.

 

“I’m not scared of her if that’s want you mean.” Lena’s tone was still slightly hard, so Kara tangled herself around Lena’s torso almost like a koala bear, nuzzling against her in hopes of lightening her mood slightly and make her relax a bit more.

 

“I know, babe, but she’s still your mom. And the leader of Cadmus. Who keeps trying to have me killed. Not the best combination in the world, to be honest.” Kara smiled matter-of-factly, making Lena chuckle slightly and run her hand through Kara’s hair in consistent soothing motions.

 

“You want to know why I’m not scared of her?” Lena said, her voice softening.

 

“Why?” Kara asked, taking the bait.

 

“Because I have you.” Lena paused to tilt her head so she could smile at Kara comfortingly. “And I know that you will always protect me, no matter what. I love you, Kara, and no threats from my mom could ever change that.”

 

“But doesn’t it bother you that your mom wants your girlfriend killed? Wouldn’t you rather wish she was happy for you?”

 

Lena sighed again, her hand still running through Kara’s hair absentmindedly.

 

“I stopped trying to earn her acceptance a long time ago. Do I wish it was different? Yes. I do. But I don’t think she’s able to change. It would be like asking someone with only one leg to run a marathon. It’s not possible. And every time I start hoping again, it’s only to be let down once more. I can’t do that. It’s too hard. You know, in life, it’s not always about blood. Sometimes it’s about the people who are there for you when times are hard or when you need a hand.”

 

Lena looked out into space as she kept talking.

 

“It’s about the people you can share both the good and the bad times with. Sometimes it’s about taking a chance on someone. Like you took a chance with me. And it was never perfect. Maybe a bit more chaotic then necessary, which I take full responsibility for. But you stood by me, even when I trying my hardest to push you away. And you kept on going.”

 

Lena smiled slightly at the memory.

 

“My mother never did that. My mother dropped me the second I began standing up for myself and tried to make my own path. She only comes to me when she can use me for something. Our whole relationship is built around her own needs, never mine. She doesn’t do one single act of kindness unless she sees a higher purpose with it.”

 

Lena huffed, but kept on going.

 

“Am I scared that she’s going to try and hurt you? Of course. Do I care about her approval? No. Am I scared that she’s going to succeed in harming you? No. I believe in you. I believe in Alex and the DEO. I believe in myself. And when we work together, nothing can stop us. You and the DEO is a living proof of that.”

 

As Lena talked, Kara buried herself further into Lena’s chest, letting Lena’s words wash soothingly in over her.

 

“You know, I never really used to believe in love.” Lena said after a pause. “I thought it was some silly thing made up to make children happy. To make people think that there was some kind of higher purpose, a higher calling. Something to soothe them when they were feeling alone.”

 

Lena paused again, trying to figure out how best to express her changing feelings.

 

“I still think the whole soulmate thing is bullshit.”

 

“Hey!” Kara complained weakly, slapping Lena playfully.

 

“Come on! There’s 7.5 billion people in this world. What’s the chance that one single person should be your soulmate? What’s the likelihood of ever finding that person? What if your one true soulmate lived in a small mountain village in Asia? Would you just have to die alone then because you never visited?”

 

“No, the universe would bring us together magically.” Kara replied seriously, not liking how unwilling Lena was to believe.

 

“So you believe in predestination? That there’s no free will but everything has a magical plan?” Lena challenged with a smirk.

 

“…no.” Kara replied slightly hesitantly.

 

“There are countless of stories of people finding their spouses when they’re young and their social circle is still small. And countless of stories of people spending most of their life together and then when one of them passes, the other finds new love and a new person to spend the rest of their lives with. Because chemistry is chemicals in your brain.”

 

“So I’m not only but chemicals then?” Kara pouted, making Lena laugh.

 

“Let me finish!” she complained, swapping Kara playfully on the arm. “What I meant to say is that falling in love is easy. Staying in love is hard. Staying together is hard. And I thought it was useless for me, so why even try? But being in love with you has showed me something very important.”

 

“What’s that?” Kara asked when Lena didn’t follow up immediately.

 

“That love conquers all.” Lena blushed as she said it, her voice serious.

 

Immediately Kara turned in her arms, pulling Lena down and attacking her with light kisses.

 

“Who knew that Lena Luthor could be so cheesy!” Kara teased, making Lena laugh. Finally Lena succeeded in swatting Kara away again.

 

“Shush, I’m trying to be serious here!” Lena laughed, sitting back up again. Positioning herself directly across Kara, looking her deeply in the eyes, she lifted her hand to stroke Kara’s cheek gentle.

 

“You’re so beautiful.” She said almost as in awe. “And brave. I admire you more with every passing day. You mean so much to me, I don’t know what I would do without you. It would break me completely. I would do anything for you. You have changed me in ways you will never understand simply by being you and coming into my life with all your love and warmth. And no matter what my mom says or do, that will never change. She can come at me with all she’s got, it still wouldn’t change the fact that I love you, Kara Zor-El, with all of my heart.”

 

Sensing the end to the rant, Kara leaned over to kiss Lena, trying to convey all of her love and admiration in one single kiss. Lena put her hand around Kara’s neck, pulling her closer to her. Hunger overtook her and soon Lena began pushing Kara back down on the madras, their already naked bodies colliding once more.

 

It took another hour before Kara’s stomach began to complain about the lack of breakfast, rumbling loudly. They had just settled down again, Lena holding Kara close to her, enjoying the warmth and the comfort of her body.

 

“We should get something to eat.” Kara said, trying to sit up. Lena wouldn’t let her though, pulling her closer to her instead.

 

“I don’t want to let go.” She complained, burying her face in the crook of Kara’s neck.

 

Kara laughed, half-sitting, half-lying incredibly uncomfortably now.

 

“But, food!” Kara argued.

 

“But cuddling!” Lena shot back, not giving up that easily. Kara merely laughed, before giving in and shifted around so she could lie more comfortably against Lena’s chest.

 

“Fine!” she said. “But only 5 more minutes, then I need food.” Kara smiled, closing her eye and breathed in the scent of her girlfriend.

 

“Thank you.” Lena said, holding tighter unto Kara.

 

They lay there silently for some time, Kara finding comfort in the soothing rhythm of Lena’s heart and chest, while Lena went back to playing with Kara’s hair, enjoying the silky feeling of the blonde hair falling gently through her fingers almost like warm sand on a beach.

 

“You know, when we first met, I never would have pegged you as much of a cuddler.” Kara said after a while of lying still. Lena hummed in agreement.

 

“I wasn’t really. Never saw the point of it. Why waste time lying down when you could get up and be productive instead, you know?” Lena explained, getting lost in her thoughts. “But I guess I never really gave it a real chance before, either.”

 

“That’s because you never had me to cuddle with before. Once you try it you become a craving addict.” Kara smiled proudly at herself, not having to look at Lena to know she was currently rolling her eyes. “The power of cuddling.” She said with a teasing smile, gripping tighter around Lena’s torso.

 

“Oh, please!” Lena said, suddenly feeling the urge to get up. “I thought we were done with all the cheesiness. _The power of cuddling._ I have heard anything more ridiculous in my life!” Lena echoed mockingly, making her way out of Kara’s grip and out of bed.

 

“Hey! The power of cuddling is a true thing! You shouldn’t mock it! Maybe I’ll refuse to cuddle with you again!” Kara defended with a smile, getting up herself.

 

“Sure, darling.” Lena said, kissing her cheek as she crossed her on the way to her closet. “You do that and then let’s see who can go the longest without cuddling.”

 

“Not fair!” Kara complained, quickly walking over to Lena and lifting her from behind, kissing her neck and shoulder as Lena laughed.

 

“Stop it! Put me down or _I’ll_ withhold cuddles from _you_!”

 

Kara put Lena back down again and turned towards her to smile gently at her. Lena smirked and blushed before she went to give her girlfriend a final gentle kiss.

 

“Now, why don’t we get a look at what’s in the fridge?” Lena suggested, much to Kara’s delight.

 

As they went out into the kitchen, continuously teasing each other, Lena knew without a doubt that they were going to be okay, no matter what may or may not come their way in the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s done!! My longest and most popular story ever is finally finished! Thank you, thank you, thank you dear readers and commenters! This has been such an amazing journey! I feel both sad and relieved it’s over! I left the ending sort of open so there’s room for a sequel which I don’t think I’ll write, since I have so many new and fresh ideas I’d like to explore! Speaking of, I’d love if anyone would be willing to hear my ideas and share their thought, or if any of you guys have prompts or ideas, I’m all ears!!   
> I’m at tumblr at @isabelle-bt and Instagram at @isabelle.bernard so hit me up!
> 
> Hopefully some of you will continue with me on new adventures, otherwise I’m so grateful for everything!! Here’s to more good times to come!! :) <3
> 
> PS. I’ve always found my title painfully and embarrassingly cheesy. Thought Lena might agree, lol


End file.
